Mellow Chaos

omgwtf

2011-03-06T20:00:00.002-06:00

Oh yeah, I have a blog! It wasn't until my dad mentioned I hadn't updated in awhile (or years) that I remembered this thing was still live. Hell, I had to even look up which email address was tied to this thing. Omazing.

There have been mild shifts in what my life looks like compared to last time I was here. I graduated in May and am now working as a graphic designer at a publishing company. Gettin' paid. I've been there around 6 months and aside from some little hiccups, it's been great. Did I mention I was getting paid? Being one of the chosen few to graduate during this new-hire loving economy, I consider being paid awesome!

Dangit, shiny things! I just realized the Daniel Tosh special has started and that takes precedent over me trying to sort out the last two years.

So hello again!

Put on a happy face

2008-10-23T09:18:00.004-05:00

Saturday the sibs, my parents, and myself decided to hack up some pumpkins. Well, I just hovered around and took pictures since I was once again down with the plague. It was a welcome break in an otherwise hectic few weeks. It's been midterm and there are projects up the wazoo. I also decided that money is nice so I picked up a second job doing some office work with mom early in the morning. It's amazing that I still manage to function on 5 hours of sleep. I have noticed that I'm a little more spacey than normal. I think I'm beginning to understand ADD. And narcolepsy.

Quite the Celebration

2008-10-12T17:05:00.002-05:00

I went to the wedding yesterday and it was as I thought. Stretches of awkward broken up by bits of godawful. Surprisingly, it was the people I used to be the closest to that were the hardest to be around. Noodles was busy being the bride. Chipmunk was a busy bridesmaid but still fit it into her schedule to be mean. I'd like to think it was because she had been drinking for 6 hours but my feelings were still hurt. I ran into a table of old friends and I swear that every single one of them were pregnant or had just had a kid within the last 3 months. I was shocked. They went around telling me what they had been up to and when they got to me, I had to tell them I was back in school. And single. And still living in the college town. Most of them looked at me with pity. I wanted to scream at how they all looked at me. I wanted to tell them how much effort it took for me to not look at them like that. I found few friendly faces in that table. My friend Holly, who although pregnant as well, was so sweet and supportive. The other was surprisingly an old friend's husband. I got the impression that he was a little overwhelmed at the table of moms and was just happy to have someone to drink with and not talk about diaper genies or swollen ankles.
I only stayed for a couple hours. I've always been touch and go about weddings, even before I got divorced. I usually don't mind the turns my life has taken or the lessons I've learned but these people I once considered my friends have a way of turning that upside down. They look at me in a way and say things that make me feel so little. I haven't really spent any time with them in the past few years and I can see now why. If a few hours can make me feel so miserable, I wonder what I would have been like if I'd have kept in touch. For all I know, I could still be in an empty marriage. Or could be pregnant. Just to avoid those looks. I'll keep my chaos over that hell.
Congratulations, Noodles...

Awol

2008-10-11T11:24:00.003-05:00

Seeing as Modo thinks I've fired everyone, I should probably update.

If you don't have anything nice to say...
I've felt like the only thing I want to write about have been rants and I'm tired of being a downer all the time. I don't want to change the name of my blog to Anger Management. I'm just sick of the usual suspects: poor customer service, rude people, instructors with no grasp on reality, and my roommate. There are a plethora of posts buried there but I'm trying to let go. I've got enough stress in my life right now.

An unintentional high school reunion...
I have to go to a wedding today that is going to be uncomfortable. It is a friend I've had since 2nd grade but we've drifted apart over the last decade and now the only time she calls me is when she wants something. She's also the type that stays friends with everyone so she's invited everyone we ever knew. I wasn't the popular kid in high school and neither was she. I'm not sure why she feels obligated to invite these people but I really had no intention of ever seeing them again. I wasn't going to go until Chipmunk told me I really should. I expect an onslaught of high school related nightmares for the next 6 months.

I'll just wear a sign...
Kinda tied into the whole wedding thing is strangers keep asking me if I'm single or not. Strangers and people I haven't seen in awhile. Why is it no one thinks it odd if a guy is single but if a woman is, it's some sort of tragedy. I'm probably being over sensitive but I'm just tired of it.

Tis the season...
I got a little gyped on my summer but I'm actually happy that it's turning Fall. I like the fall clothes, the fall food, and the fall colors. I'm naturally an autumn. Part of me even kinda likes the rainy cold days where the wet leaves stick to everything and you have to huddle inside your coat against the damp wind. The wind feels nice in my ears. I only hope that since summer was short that we'll have a longer autumn before winter sets in. Winter does not feel nice in my ears.

Surprisingly optimistic...
I watch the news every morning and for the last few weeks its been all gloom and doom about the economy. I'm totally being a Pollyanna but I think everything is going to be fine. If anything, it's making me reevaluate my spending habits and makes me want to be a more responsible spender. It probably helps curb any burgeoning alcoholism because all that beer isn't responsible spending. Yay economy!

So there you have it, Modo. I'm still alive. Still stressed out. Still trying to stay positive. For now.

Doesn't play well with others

2008-09-13T22:06:00.002-05:00

What is it about living with someone that makes your life either fantastic or terrible? I've had three roommates in my life that I wasn't related to.

Roommate #1 said I was a terrible slob. She complained I never liked to hang out. She once locked me out of the apartment when I was sick so she could have sex with her boyfriend. She left me a note saying she couldn't take college, she had moved back to her home state, and sorry about the remaining 6 months of rent.

Roommate #2 didn't think I was a slob but wanted to know why I never cleaned his bathroom. He kept miscellaneous bike parts lying around. He had cold feet that he liked to warm against the backs of my legs and would wake me up in the process. I divorced him.

Roommate #3 is making me absolutely sure I have to live by myself. I've decided I'm just difficult to have as a roommate. I have standards of cleanliness, privacy, and a suitable working environment. Much like the quest for a best friend, I have long thought that a perfect roommate is something of the same mythical pursuit. Being able to live in perfect harmony with someone is just not something I'm capable of. So to roommate #3, congratulations. You have officially pushed me over the edge. I'll resist the urge to move those dogpoop bags you pile up by the door onto your pillow. For a few more weeks anyways.

Hearing and reading impaired

2008-09-05T13:45:00.003-05:00

The sound went out on my tv a couple days ago (a flat screen I bought around christmas, now I'm pissed, but that's another post). To just get by, seeing as all my technical knowledge has been exhausted, I've just been watching the closed captioning. This would be just fine except I've decided that whoever is typing these things needs to work on some things. The easy one would be spelling. I've spent the majority of the time trying to figure out what the hell they're trying to say. It's bad enough trying to read the text and follow the images at the same time. Add on to that the next complaint. Sometimes they don't even attempt to get the word right. This morning, I was watching the news and they were talking about the McCain speech. The line "letowpa hee nom" came up and the captioning just froze. Makes me think that the typist started sneezing and just didn't get around to finishing the captioning. That was the worst offense but there are constantly random words just thrown into the text

Now maybe this isn't that bad. Maybe I just don't know enough about the closed captioning system. But damn. If I were someone who had to rely on these things for information, I would be filing some complaints.

Letowpa hee nom

Alphameme

2008-08-28T09:17:00.000-05:00

It's Thursday and I'm tired. So there.

A. Attached or Single? Single. Doesn't "attached" sound like it involves leeches? Just a thought.

B. Best Friend? For the longest time I didn't have one outside my family (is that sad? Eh, it never bothered me too much) but I think I've finally got one. She's a hoot and doesn't mind that I'm a little odd.

C. Cake or pie? Oh man, that's like choosing between pets. I'm gonna say pie but yellow cake with chocolate frosting is a mega-close second.

D. Day of choice? Sunday. It's the one day where I try to do nothing.

E. Essential item? Chapstick. I have probably 15 of them scattered around.

F. Favorite color? Red. Dark, deep, blood red.

G. Gummy bears or worms? Worms. Especially the red/orange combination.

H. Hometown? BFE, Iowa.

I. Favorite indulgence? Sushi.

J. January or July? July. Me loves the heat and humidity. And my birthday, just a little.

K. Kids? Now? Hell no. In the future? If god is a comedian.

L. Life isn’t complete without? A sense of humor.

M. Marriage date? Uh, had one in 2005 but it's a few years past its expiration.

N. Number of brothers and sisters? An older sister, older brother, and younger brother. And their respective spouses. They all rock.

O. Oranges or Apples? Apples. Oranges have a gross texture. Like little fish eyeballs popping in your mouth.

P. Phobias? Public speaking and heights. And burning alive.

Q. Quotes? They look like this: ""

R. Reasons to smile? There are way too many.

S. Season of choice? Summer. Fall comes in second.

T. Tag 5 people: I don't think 5 people even stop by here...

U. Unknown fact about me? I have this weird thing where if I make a sandwich, I have to take a bite out of it before I put the ingredients back. So if you ask me to make you a sandwich, consider yourself warned.

V. Vegetable? Cucumbers. with ranch? as pickles? delish.

W. Worst habit? Being suspicious of everyone.

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? I had an ultrasound of my heart a few years ago and it sticks with me as one of the most awesome things ever. I could see it BEATING! (Proof for you skeptics who didn't think I had one)

Y. Your favorite food? Chicken Poblano Rojas or Mexitalian spaghetti. Nom nom nom.

Z. Zodiac sign? Cancer. Because every teenage girl loves their symbol to be a crab. Bastards.

Fresh pencils

2008-08-26T14:45:00.002-05:00

Yesterday I started back up again with classes. I've been dragging my feet but when it comes right down to it, I love the first few days of classes. I love gathering all the things I'll need for the year. I love walking to class wondering about my instructors. I love seeing people I haven't seen all summer, the familiarity of buildings, the smells of the studios and photography labs. I love meeting new people, seeing the freshman with total confusion on their faces, seeing the shy ones come out of their shell once they realize that high school is over. I'm sure in a couple weeks all the fairy dust will wear off but for now, I'm really glad to be back at class.

Guess which one of us is blonde

2008-08-22T09:04:00.003-05:00

I came home the other night and my roommate was telling me how she had done a bunch of cleaning during the day. I was pretty proud of her, actually. She even had cleaned out the fridge and rearranged the freezer. I peeked inside and saw stacks of frozen vegetables neatly stacked, labeled, and dated. As I looked closer, I had to ask her something...

Me: "Uh, dude...did you put names on the vegetables?"

Her: "Yeah! I thought it would keep it easier since we buy a lot of the same things!"

Me: " Um, you realize we have the same first name, right?"

Her: " Yeah...why...oh duh."

She had written "Em" on all of her stuff.

Well ma'am, do you have a time machine?

2008-08-21T17:40:00.003-05:00

Customer on the phone: "What time do you close?"

Me: "We close at 6." I glance at the clock and it's 5:50.

CotP: "My kid's glasses are in, will I make it in time if I leave now?"

Me: "Uh, well, where do you live?"

CotP: " We're in Des Moines. If we leave now we can be there in 45 minutes or so."

Me: "Well, we close in ten minutes."

CotP: "So you don't think I can make it?"

Alas.

2008-08-18T18:45:00.003-05:00

A week from today I will be fully engaged in another semester.

Damn.

So here's to my last week of sweet freedom (sorta, because I've been working full-time, lets not be delusional). Here's to sunshine, beer, bowling, fishing, lawn chairs, flip-flops, patios, more beer, bikes, tents, grills, humidity, thunderstorms, fruit markets, innertubes, cowboy hats, stock car racing, ice cream, state fairs, sushi, outdoor concerts, tank tops, car trips, bikinis, campfires, margaritas, freckles, and burning yourself on seat belts. I will miss you.

Imitation is the best flattery. or something.

2008-08-15T09:54:00.004-05:00

Wednesday night I went with my dad to the truck and tractor pulls at the State fair. Yes, it sounds like what it is. A tractor/truck hitches up to this weighty trailer thingy, as the truck/tractor pulls it a weight moves up the trailer towards the truck/tractor and at some point, the truck/tractor can't pull it any farther. Eh, google it if that made no sense.

Anyways.

As I drank my beer and settled in for the loud long haul, my dad kept making remarks on how much of a 'trooper' I was and how I was alot like him (apparently he had no idea I drink beer. alot.). Over the course of the night and the next day, I got to thinking about his observation. Most of the time, I'm compared to my mom. We look identical (albeit a few years apart), have the same sick sense of humor, and are known for sarcasm. I did inherit a great deal of my personality from my dad, though.

He and I both have a limited tolerance for bullshit. Don't try to schmooze us or win us over with all your accomplishments. We could care less. Impress us with how good of a person you are and maybe we can talk.

We also have the ability to be a chameleon. While dad perfected the art of being able to talk to anyone, I'd say I've been able to pick it up pretty well. Need to talk to the CEO of a major corporation? Done. Need to talk to a local farmer? Done. We can switch up our personalities just enough to put the other person at ease.

I also managed to inherit my dad's temperment. While the women in my family are known for their, ah, moodiness...I stay a pretty even keel like my dad. Granted, he and I are also alike in that when we get pissed, we get PISSED. Just stay the hell out of the way until it blows over. Along with an even temperment is an even temperature too. I have yet to figure out why he and I can stay pretty comfortable in 95+ and 45 below. Except in movie theaters. He and I are different there.

Finally, he and I are alike in that we both can have gruff exteriors but underneath we're pretty soft-hearted. Be it friend, family, or critter...we take care of those who are dear to us. So while he may make some comment about how I had something to do with planning his birthday dinner, I'm just following along in family footsteps. I'm just trying to take care of him like he's taken care of me and the rest of the family. Because, let's face it, it's a hell of a lot easier than trying to grow a beard like his.

Did anyone get the number of that truck?

2008-08-10T20:53:00.003-05:00

I hurt. My shoulders ache from carrying tubes, my back is jacked from sleeping on an airbed, and well...my ass is all scraped up from falling over while tending to nature (no, there aren't pictures). The one thing not on that list, no sunburn! Even in a, uh, semi-altered state, I was still able to keep putting sunscreen on every 15 minutes. I went through 2 bottles, Dad! Aren't you happy.

I'll spare the gritty details (well, any more seeing as you already know what happened to my ass) but it rocked. We met some interesting people and there are quotes that will make sense to no one outside the group. It was one of those awesome kinds of trips. I'm hoping to get some pictures from the waterproof camera that made it on the river but I'm pretty not-awesome about posting pics in a timely fashion. Yeah yeah, I fail at life. But I ROCK at putting on sunscreen.

Thanks TJ for the tip but paddles? PADDLES? They didn't say anything about paddles. We just floated unaided, with only our wits and empty beer cans to save us. Thank god we had empty beer cans.

Whatever floats your boat. Er, tube.

2008-08-08T11:09:00.002-05:00

I'm leaving today for an All Girls Weekend Extravaganza. I, along with 6 other ladies (including the Twins, my lovely sister-in-law, and her friend that I have designated as the Wild Child) are going tubing down a river in Wisconsin. I'm not sure if this fad is restricted to midwesterners but it seems like the thing to do in the summer. Get a bunch of people, a cooler of beer per, and an innertube. Float and drink for a few hours. Repeat. I'll be the first to admit that I haven't ever done this before. There's some part of it that offends my prim side. That part would be the fact that there are no bathrooms, with the exception of the water you're floating in.

Gross.

I never grew up swimming. I heard rumors about peeing in pools but there's like chlorine and stuff to take care of it (let me have my delusions). The fact that I'm going to be just floating around in urine all day makes me a little nauseous. Okay, a lot nauseous. I'm bringing bleach to soak in after I'm done.

Aside from that grody concept, I think it's going to be fun. I'm sure I'll be my typical mom-self and not drink too much and keep an eye out for my friends. Or maybe my lovely sister-in-law will be the little devil on my shoulder and get me into trouble. At this point, who knows which way the pendulum will swing. After introducing the plans to my dad and telling him who was going, his first words were "Oh shit, are you girls gonna get arrested?!".

I know a good bail bondsman.

So here's to another summer adventure. I'll TRY and take pictures but I've been warned that this isn't the crowd to catch in their swimsuits. I might get punched and the memory card taken out of my camera. I'll be sure and take a picture of my black eye for posterity.

Lots of scribbling

2008-08-07T13:37:00.002-05:00

Busy busy busy. After classes got out, I made it my sole purpose in life to squeeze as much as I could out of the rest of my summer. None of that sitting at home, watching Bravo in my pjs, eating cereal straight out of the box bullshit. I made exceptions for going to my sister-in-laws to sit, watch bravo, and eat sushi. Totally different. Sushi = class and therefore not bullshit.

A little thing I'd like to call Redneck Saturdays (and I mean that completely lovingly, for those who also attend this event). It involves Busch light and/or THE SILVER BULLET. It involves stock cars. It involves delicious junk food, loud noises, and potentially making an ass out of myself. Oh yeah, its going to the stock car races to watch my brother compete. As a side bonus, its a chance to watch my grandmother (NOT a stock car racing kinda gal) wander around and be a general pain in the ass. Talks during the race about nothing relevant...follows my dad EVERYWHERE...scowls when you don't want to leave in time for Jeopardy (or whatever old people do at 10pm). One day, I'll look back on these days and call them "The Early Years Before She Went Entirely Batshit Crazy".

For something entirely different, theres Project Runway Night! (commence tuning out for the next paragraph, males) We lizzadies gather, eat, and talk in the third person in honor of Suede. Em thinks Suede is hilarious. Em also hopes they keep him on because he is more bizarre than that little tanorexic twit. Em hasn't been agreeing with the judges most of this season but Em isn't getting paid for her opinion. She's usually right about Shear Genius though. (Why does Charlie always have his mouth hanging open?)

The last two days I've been twiddling my thumbs at work. The Bossman is outta town so I have to run the show. The very slow show. I've spent most of my time surfing the net, I won't even pretend that I'm not. Good news? Blog fodder. Bad news? My eyes are burning out of my head. I'm definitely going to have to wear glasses more when I go back to class because damn, I can't take staring at monitors like I used to. But Hello? This site? And this one? Maybe not this one so much.

Speaking of class. In my infinite genius, I have been convinced all summer that it starts on the 18th. I was counting down the remaining days of summer with sadness. Until. Until someone pointed out that they start the 25th. Mixed emotions on that one. Annoyed because I hate hate HATE being wrong. Overjoyed because uh, FREEDOM. For another week, anyways. I have yet to tell bossman about the snafu. Might just relish that there 20 hour week with nothing else to do.

Okay damn. I seriously need to go get some eyedrops.

5 things learned in July

2008-07-29T09:38:00.004-05:00

1) Strawberry margaritas on Sunday afternoons are best accompanied by kiddie pools and lawn chairs.

2) When your roommate gets another dog without considering your feelings on the matter, of course that dog is going to be the yappiest damn thing on the face of the planet.

3) A case of beer is like magic elixir to people who have been moving furniture all day.

4) Hearing about exes being in new relationships can be either devastatingly complicated or simply joyful...depending on the ex.

5) Even 27-year-old women can still squeal like girls when having to get a fish off the hook.

Invasion

2008-07-22T09:17:00.002-05:00

Today, the state's annual bike ride is coming through my town. I have nothing against the occasional bike rider. But there's nothing like thousands of drunk people in spandex that make you wanna not leave the house.

Can you call in 'annoyed' to work?

A giggle and a mystery

2008-07-15T22:21:00.002-05:00

The giggle is thanks to Ms. Jodi...

Clicky now please.

Joss Whedon, Nathan Fillion, Neil Patrick Harris, AND Felicia! From the Cheetos commercial! (I'm sure she's done other fine work but I really did enjoy the commercial. And make a mental note of what she looks like. it comes up later.) And there's SINGING!

Unfortunately or fortunately... that fun little bloglet is available this week only for free. Later you have to pay for it, I guess. So gets your chuckles in now!

The mystery...

Why, oh why does sunscreen always have that SMELL? Ya know, sunscreeny smell. I am white...like crazy white like aforementioned Felicia. Therefore I am wearing teh sunscreenz everyday. But I hate the smell. I buy the Unscented.

Hark. (is there an olfactory version of hark? Snort? Snork? Snark! I digress.)

Smells like sunscreen. I smell like it now. At night. When it's dark out. I am not on a beach. I do not have bermuda shorts or a big straw hat on. But I sure smell like I do. Albino white redheads should not smell like they are tan, blonde, sea-water dripping surfer people. It's like the lotion companies are mocking us. We need a lotion that smells like books and sarcasm. Sexy.

A blurry week

2008-07-09T15:41:00.002-05:00

I've been in a funk. Stressed, tired, borderline upset, a little emotionally drained. You name it, I've been there. I wish there was a legitimate excuse for it. It's a complicated set of little catalysts. I'm totally trying to be the logical nerd and tell myself that I just need to snap out of it. I probably will eventually. Hopefully after I hand in a stack of projects that are hiding the entirety of my drawing table. Hopefully after I get over some news that has had me freaked out for a couple days. Hopefully after things get back to being like summer and not like some self-imposed punishment.

I'd call that a 'peeing in your cheerios' kind of post but it's afternoon now. So whatever you had for lunch...bon appetit.

Scraps

2008-07-03T17:02:00.002-05:00

Thanks to all who stopped by for my birthday! It was a blast. My friends insisted that I dress like a girl for the event and as I sat at dinner in my heels and dress it occurred to me that the four of us were the stereotype. It was kinda bizarre as I usually have more guy friends than girl and for the first time in my life, it seems like it has swapped. I'm not complaining.

Happy Fourth of July! I know it's tomorrow but I'm going to be FISHING and DRINKING and WEARING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SUNSCREEN. Because that's what being an American is all about. Sometimes.

Saturday is my Divorce anniversary. I talk about how fantastic my ex is all the time so I'll spare you all. He really is great, though. Greatest guy I ever put back on the market.

That's all I got. My brain is already out fishing. Hope it's not using itself for bait.

Birthday!

2008-07-01T09:21:00.003-05:00

Mature, I am not.

2008-06-26T09:42:00.002-05:00

Last night I had dinner with my brother and his wife. Since we had a little time before the movie started, my brother wanted to go cruise the car lot for a new ride. As we're walking around, a truck pulls up and the driver yells something at my brother. He ends up knowing the guy and walks over to say hello. I glance over and half-recognize the woman in the passenger side. I start to walk quickly away down the aisle when hear my brother say " Really? Maybe she didn't recognize you...Hey Em!" I glance back and try to keep the annoyance off my face.

"Hi! Oh it is you! Hey Sarah!"

I proceed to have to chitchat with a girl I went to high school with. A girl I went to elementary school with. A girl who was pretty mean to me throughout the majority of those 13 years. I know that I'm supposed to be grown-up and forgive and forget, blah blah blah, but I've noticed something since I've left high school. After I got out of that rumormill and grew out of my awkward geeky freak phase, all those people who were mean to me will go out of their way to talk to me. I had one guy see me at the bar and start hitting on me and I couldn't resist the urge to point out what an ass he was to me in high school. He had turned into a real sleeze anyways. One of the major creeps stopped me in the mall and asked if my last name was my maiden name. I looked him square in the eye and told him no. I had kept my married name after I got divorced so I wasn't technically lying. He looked stunned and said I looked kinda like a girl from high school only skinnier. I resisted the urge to punch him.

I know that it's kind of petty to still want to avoid these people after ten years. I live in my hometown so its a little tough to avoid them completely. I figure I still talk to the ones I liked, why should I have to pretend to be nice to someone who was never nice to me in the past.

As Sarah drove off, I could hear her two kids screaming bloody murder in the back seat of the truck. In the silence afterwards, I was grateful for karma.

another's tragic hours

2008-06-24T14:34:00.002-05:00

Last night a friend called my work, crying. She had just found out that her ex-husband and the father of her two kids had been in a motorcycle accident and was in critical condition 8 hours away. She, her daughter, and son in law made the trip down. They got there past midnight. This morning, my boss called to let me know that he had died. After driving that distance, the doctors sat them down, explained all the complications of his injuries and then told them he had died.

My friend's daughter is my age. She just recently had her second child. Although my friend and her ex were separated, they were doting grandparents. He had recently started dating again and my friend seemed fairly glad for him about it.

I don't know if it's just been this spring or if I'm getting older. It seems like this has been a spring full of tragedy, heartbreak, and complication. I have been fortunate to have seen my sister come through all her struggles and is once again herself. Those around me have not been so fortunate. I've tried to be optimistic that others will be just fine but so far, my hopes have been false ones. I really want things to get better for my friend. She's had so many struggles this year and I am almost in disbelief that yet another one is laid on her back. Each time I see her, she is more weary and worn out and I just want for her to enjoy her life. Things have to get better, they just have to. Right?

Generation Gap

2008-06-17T11:57:00.003-05:00

I was adjusting an elderly gentleman's glasses at work when he spied my nosering.

"What's your father say about that?"

I kind of chuckled because my dad has a habit of telling me I have a booger on my nose. I'm sure he hates the thing but I'm glad he can crack jokes about it.

"Oh, he's threatened me with pliers a couple times."

"Well good for him. At least that you can take out and it might heal. Those girls with tattoos...they are in for it. Someday they're going to have to explain to their children why they have those marks all over their body."

I was thisclose to telling him I had tattoos and he could take a flying leap. Then I decided I shouldn't give my clients heartattacks.

I hope his granddaughter gets a tattoo.

Grateful

2008-06-07T09:00:00.002-05:00

Last night, I met a friend of a friend who has been recently divorced. When she found out I was too, it was like a funny little sigh of recognition passed through both of us. Like me, she had yet to meet anyone in our age group that had been through it. We talked about the stigmas attached to the word and how it changed our perspectives. When she asked about how hard it had been, I realized once again how lucky I have been. Her divorce was started because he had been cheating on her, for who knows how long. They had been highschool sweethearts, together for 10 years, and he had been lying to her. The divorce was messy and painful and once I looked for them, I could see the scars. When I explained my situation she was in awe. That Scarecrow and I had been amicable, wanting the best for each other, it was mind-boggling to her.

Last week was Scarecrow's birthday and I sent him a text, since I figured he was out camping or hiking as it's his favorite thing. While I was reading the response, my older brother asked "Why don't we hate that guy?", half-joking half-confused. It kind of caught me off guard but at the same time, I think he voiced what a lot of people wonder when I talk about my ex-husband. Of course I don't hate him. I've never had a reason to. We had our disagreements but I think we realized the significance of them before we started to resent each other.

Since our separation, he and I have somewhat drifted apart. He lives halfway across the country and we both have pretty full lives now. It's a little sad that we aren't the good friends we used to be but I would think it's only natural. The reason we separated is that we wanted different things and now we're getting them. I don't speak to him as much as I used to but I still want him to know how grateful I am for him. A lot of people might not understand, might think it's strange, but when someone is an important part of helping you realize what you really want in life, you have to appreciate them.

Heavy

2008-06-03T09:12:00.002-05:00

Another dragging day. I'm dogsitting a lovely golden retriever but this means staying at someone else's house. I didn't sleep well and was woken up early by thunderstorms and strong rain. More strong rain. I'm tired, am still going through weaning myself off caffiene, and this constant rain is making it feel like fall again...that seasonal affective crap. I could really go for some significant sunshine right about now but the 7-day forecast only has a half day of it scheduled for Saturday. The half that I'm at work.

At least the ducks are happy.

Long weekend, short post

2008-05-24T09:29:00.002-05:00

Well, okay miniposts. I feel like listing today...

1) Indiana Jones, you bastard. Granted, it was adventure and humor and all things you'd expect. But the plot? The PLOT?! Good lord, you've got to be kidding me. Kinda cheesy. And how the hell did Cate Blanchett's hair stay so bowl-like and flawless through car chases? In the humid jungle? And as white as she is, you never saw her once put on sunscreen. For shame.

2) The weather is no expected to cooperate with anything remotely summer-like this weekend. Cold and rain. Actually turned the heat on when I got to work. Boo.

3) As is typical this time of year, I'm looking for a pair of shoes. THE pair of shoes. They're in my brain and ohsocute, but I cannot find them. I'm hesitant to look online because I like to walk around in them and buying from a picture kinda bothers me. Then again, desperate times might require it.

4) My class started this week and as expected, Scum is in it. He has yet to make eye contact or speak to me. Good. I think him doing so would cause me to be irrational and say something very angry. In front of the class. I've spread the word to the gang of friends and they all think it's bizarre. Dude needs some help.

5) In response to my twirling problem, I decided to hack my hair off. A mere 3 inches did wonders. It's taking some getting used to but I think will make me more conscious of how twirling damages the ones I love. There, there. Someday you'll be long and unfettered with split ends again. Someday.

Have a fun weekend!

Not so super

2008-05-22T09:08:00.002-05:00

Tuesday night, Chipmunk and my typical adventures landed us in a search for betta food. Alas, tiny Fishy Fisherton had been abandoned by her previous roommate and as Chipmunk had never owned a fish, she was feeding it random bits in hopes that it would suffice. After her weeklong experiment, we've determined Fishy doesn't like Crispix, tater tots, cheese sticks, broccoli, tiny bits of salmon (she was testing cannibalism, she claims), or oatmeal cookies. She also had contemplated buying Fishy roommates and a larger tank. Bettas don't like roommates or larger tanks. At any rate, it was an evening full of edumacating Chipmunk on the lifestyle and preferences of Bettas. Our search for Betta food led us to the newest Last Resort in town.

The Super Walmart.

They just finished putting it up a couple months ago and my town has decided its a love/hate relationship. For example...while Chipmunk and I were coming around a corner, Sunshine and her boyfriend met us. She looked at me with wide eyes and then scowled. She gave me a half-hearted hello and we went on our ways. I talked to her the next morning and she apologized. She was ashamed and pissed at being seen in the Super Walmart, a place she vowed never to go.

I don't blame her. Aside from all the weird politics around Walmart, the Supers are a giant (literally) pain in the ass. It's not very convenient to have to buy your groceries on one side and your shampoo on the cleeeeeear other side. I know what you're doing Walmart. I know you want me to wander through those aisles packed with cheap home furnishings and (I'm sorry) ugly clothes. I don't need 30 packs of socks. I don't need a zebra print rug. I don't need the newest book from whatever televangelist/cult leader your selling this week. I just wanna buy my stuff and get the hell outta there. Unfortunately for me, it was Fishy's life in balance and I had to go there. And then walk a block across the store to get juice. I think for some of the smaller towns in the area, The Super is fantastic. But honestly, I'd rather deal with much smaller businesses and not deal with all the hassle. Because less hassle is way more super.

By the roots

2008-05-15T10:05:00.003-05:00

I am a twirler. There. I said it. Spend more than 3 minutes with me and my left hand will wander up and start twirling hair like a gum-snapping airhead. It might be a tiny few strands. It might be all the hair on the left side of my head. But it will end up in a twist at some point.

I can't take it anymore.

It started out as a stress thing. Instead of chain smoking, I started twirling. Now it's all the time. I'm not sure how to stop. It's not like there's a patch for it. Nail biters get that nasty polish stuff. Short of hiring someone to slap my hand away everytime I absentmindedly reach up, I'm not sure what to do. I'm getting to the point I'm going to strap my left arm to my body and not let it out until my hair doesn't look so damaged.

You have any bad habits? Or advice?

Just when I thought I'd met all the scum of the earth

2008-05-13T09:29:00.003-05:00

Since Sunday night, I've been in a foul mood. That night, I received an email from a friend's wife. She very politely told me that he had been lying...alot. Lying to her, lying to my other friends and I. But let me give you the backstory...

This semester, my friend Slippers and I have been in the same classes. We're typically surrounded by kinda ditzy girly girls, which neither of us are. This semester, we lucked out and one of our studios had some fun people, including the aforementioned guy: Scum. He seemed like a safe friend...in our age range, kinda twisted sense of humor, and he was happily and openly married. While we never got to meet her, he always mentioned her in class or when a group of us would hang out. As is common in most friendships, we all would email or talk about whatever. Sometimes he would make little cracks that I thought his wife might not let him get away with but in the back of my mind I just figured it was his sense of humor.

I figured wrong. His wife had looked through his emails and felt uncomfortable. Mainly because she had never heard of any of us. Secondly, because he had been lying to us. Lying about all sorts of things, from little snippets about his past to movies he claimed to have seen. Lying about how his wife was going to come to lunch with us but couldn't make it because of work.

The whole thing makes me sick. Why did he lie to us? Why did he hide friends from his wife? After a couple emails from her, my impression is that his wife is a completely normal person. She apologized for everything and even made a point to say that she isn't angry with us at all. She's confused and upset and with good reason. I guess I hardly knew the guy and I'm pissed off. I can't imagine finding that out about the person you trust more than anyone.

Slippers is baffled. She keeps wondering what his intentions were. We have two more years of classes with this guy, did he think he wouldn't get caught? I start summer classes next week and he's in one of them. His wife asked that I stay civil but I think I'll only be able to manage an icy version of it.

Saturday morning cartoons

2008-05-03T09:40:00.002-05:00

Pops made a comment the other day that I haven't been writing so he has no idea how I'm doing (Ironic because I was sitting right behind him...they have this new-fangled technology called 'talking'). So here's the bits and scraps to appease the tiny masses.

Today is my brother's birthday. He's old. He's younger than I am but he's still an old married guy. He happens to be one of my favorite people for innumerable reasons. I'm more than a little bummed I might miss his birthday celebration but the only way I can go is if they get rained out from the races and he has to stay home. I'd rather he be racing. I'll put a candle in his cheese fries the next time we go to dinner. I think it will be okay...

I'm missing the birthday celebration because of finals stuff. I have a webpage that needs to be polished and launched by Monday. I'm a little stressed out. Not to the point of really hating life, just a little stressed.

Sister is home. I kind of miss being able to visit her every day, as weird as that sounds. She lives a couple towns away and its not as easy to pop over to see her. Neither of us like phones. When this finals junk gets over with, I hope to make it over there more. Plus there's talk of family game night which would be AWESOME. Words cannot describe how much fun I think it would be. I hope the plans don't just fizzle out. And I hope there aren't any wet-blankets (you know who you are).

My great aunt died this week. I've only met her maybe 4 or 5 times in my life but the loss is pretty significant. She was the sister of my biological grandmother. The grandmother that died when my mom was very young. I've always had this strange feeling that if she had lived, life would have been very different. Like somewhere, there's an alternate universe where things unfolded much differently. My great aunt was a tie to that, in my head a supernatural tie to that universe. I felt strangely connected to her. When I did see her, it was like I just felt at ease. She was independent, a little gruff, and didn't really take any bullshit. My mom mentioned that she saw a lot of her in me yesterday. I take it as a compliment. Our contact might have been very limited, but having those things in common makes the family tie pretty strong, in my opinion. I've always thought that blood doesn't necessarily make family. The blood might not have been as thick, but in some ways I felt closer to her than I do some of my other relatives. I'll definitely miss her presence on this earth.

This fence is giving my butt splinters

2008-04-18T14:18:00.002-05:00

For the past couple weeks, I've been internally on the fence about what to do with my blog. Designwise, it lacks all aspects of my personality. Contentwise, I've given bits of mediocrity because I'm not sure how to present myself. Lately, I've had so much to talk about, so much to deal with but I just don't know how to do it here. I'm not sure if I'm editing myself for my family or if I'm doing it for everyone else. Sometimes I think if I had two blogs, I could get everything out and not feel like I should be careful what I say. At this point, there are two options: close this thing down or write about everything, regardless if it's cheerful, witty, or informative. I suppose every blogger finds themselves at this point sometime...

Early or late? updated

2008-04-14T00:24:00.003-05:00

I'm doodling around in the photography lab waiting around for my prints to wash. It's 12:30. After a weekend of false security, I wandered into the lab to work on a project I thought was due Wednesday. Everyone thought it was due Wednesday. Alas, the schedule had a typo and it is due tomorrow. Er, today. I had initially thought I would just hand it in late and take the hit but being the OCD-type when it comes to my grades, I am trying to get it done. Granted, it's not my best work but it will have to do. I keep trying to tell myself that I'm not that old and it won't hurt that bad in the morning but I know better. It will hurt that bad in the morning.

Add onto that I ran my first 5K yesterday morning and it kind of adds to the pain (my body hurts). But YAY! I ran my first 5K!

See? I'm trying to think positive...

After critique today, my instructor took mercy on me and let me turn it in a couple hours late so I could go get it matted (as required). If she hadn't I was looking at the aforementioned deduction in grade. Have I ever mentioned that I love my photography instructor?

Mother Nature is a jerk.

2008-04-10T17:14:00.002-05:00

It's supposed to potentially snow on Saturday. It's April. It's the annual festival my college holds. I usually get a sunburn at this festival.

Boo.

Huh.

2008-04-08T17:15:00.002-05:00

In one of my classes, our next project is designing a webpage. We were asked to surf the net and come up with some examples of really bad pages and good pages. Hi. This is an example of a bad page. While the content typically borders on the mundane, I realized that the layout and images don't necessarily have to. I'm a design student, for crying out loud. So I might be changing things in the next couple weeks. I thought I'd give you the heads up while I try to reconfigure and potentially move addresses.

In other news, those of you who regularly shop over at Ma's blog know that things haven't been the brightest in our family. But whose family is ever completely bright all the time? As I would expect in any family, it's startling how the struggles of one member so quickly affect the others. I can't imagine having to face hard times alone. This is a serious moment of darkness but we're all heading forward, looking for sunshine.

When I get sleep after being deprived...

2008-03-28T12:59:00.003-05:00

Last night I had a dream that I was Britney Spears and I went on a crime spree. I then was on the run from the law. I think I would have rather just stayed awake all night...*shiver*

Prepare for a week of silence...

2008-03-25T17:09:00.002-05:00

I'm staring at a week from hell. After spring break, I didn't realize that all hell would break loose as far as my classes are concerned. I have deadlines stacked upon deadlines stacked upon exams. The next week will be an experiment in the thresholds of caffiene consumption and stress tolerance. If you talk to me, I will speak in speeds previously unknown to man and probably in grouchy tones. I may or may not reach some sort of zen-bitch state...if that even exists...I shall find out. I apologize in advance for any major things I was supposed to remember. Like my name. Or the fact that I'm supposed to eat/sleep on a regular basis. I'll see you on the other side.

Another shift

2008-03-20T09:13:00.002-05:00

It seems like every few months I go through some shift in self. It's either some sort of realization or a major decision to change something. Yesterday I spent a little time just thinking about things. Had I left some things the way they were, yesterday would have been my anniversary. The differences between who I was the day I got married and who I am today tend to surprise me. Outwardly, I was strong and stubborn but on the inside I was terrified. I remember being so worried about whether or not I was doing the right thing. I think I'm more strong now, both outwardly and inwardly. I don't have doubts about the choices I make. I'm okay being single because I'm not with someone for the wrong reason. I'm glad I'm back in school (although I will admit the debt because of it is a little unnerving). I'm happy I moved back because of all the craziness I've been through, my family have been the ones to always be there. Back when I was getting married, I knew that my entire life was pretty much planned out, it was safe. Now, I have no idea what will be going on in 5 years but I don't have any of the worries I had then. In the past year, I've been able to take some risks and open things up to dreaming about what I can do now. Granted, there were moments of terror but I think it comes with the territory. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it feels like things are starting to be me again. After almost a decade of being a stranger, I really feel like myself again.

Dear Client Who Tries to Get Everything Free

2008-03-19T11:05:00.002-05:00

You have more money than you know what to do with. You are constantly ordering things that are more expensive than most and still want us to give you huge discounts, if not just give them to you for free. When you had an outstanding balance from last year, we were more than accomodating. You tried to ignore our letters and phone calls. You came in to place another order a month ago and it seemed like all was going to be right in the world. You paid for everything, albeit with a little bit of a scowl, but we were back on decent terms.

Were.

I got a notice in the mail saying you stopped payment on the credit card. Because the product was 'not as described or defective merchandise'. Now, if that were true, I would think I would have seen or heard from you since you were last in a month ago. Picking up your FOUR pairs of glasses. It makes me angry when I go out of my way to be understanding and then people like you just walk all over it. You have the money. You have a mercedes and a beach house on the east coast. As far as I'm concerned, it was worth four pairs of glasses to never have to work with a person like you again. Knowing you, we'll never hear from you again and that's fine with me. It's a good thing you stocked up on glasses before you decided to be a jerk.

Hugs and Kisses,
A Disgruntled Office Manager

Mama needs some beads

2008-03-18T09:01:00.002-05:00

Last night was a blast. I went with a couple older friends of mine to the Irish restaraunt for Patty's day. The place was packed, the band was great, and the people were the weirdest mix I've seen in one place. I recognized teachers from my high school, professors from my university, local cops, business owners, and the requisite college students. Most people were enjoying themselves and then there were these few little groups of debbie downers. It was really weird. They were mostly older women and they sat in little huddles. They didn't eat or drink anything and they didn't even take their coats off. It was the mystery of the night.

The highlight was when we first got there. As we were weaving through the bar trying to get to the tent, one of the women I was with got approached by a guy dressed as a leprechaun. He just looked her in the eye and said " Mama needs some beads", and held out some green mardi gras beads. She looked over at me horrified. I turned to the guy and told him that she definitely did, as did the rest of us. After he walked away, she was so relieved she didn't have to flash anybody. The rest of the night was great, mostly. I got to introduce the ladies to the Dirty Girlscout shot...it ended up being a whole troop of them. There was good food, good music, good dancing. And then a really weird guy showed up. My friend kept telling me that he was trying to get my attention and he finally came over to get me to dance. He seemed a little too drunk so I really didn't want to but my friend pushed me out there anyways. He proceeded to tell me he was a naugahyde salesman and only in town for two more days and he wanted to spend more time with me. Barf. After I told him to cut the bullshit, he said he was actually a personal trainer but was still moving away in two days. Between the corny lines, him dancing a little too close for comfort, and he kept giving his friend fist pounds on the dancefloor, I got out of there pretty quick. I swore to my friend I would get even.
After that low point of the evening, things were good. I ended up babysitting the other friend. I determined she is the biggest lightweight I have ever met. I'm sure she's hurting this morning.
Near the end of the night, another guy walked up to me and asked if I could do him a favor. Ever skeptical, I asked what kind of favor. He pointed out his friend and told me it was his birthday and would I go tell him happy birthday, it would really make his night. I figured what the hell and walked over. I tapped him on the shoulder and when he turned around I recognized him as a client from my store (specifically, a client who had once asked my boss while I was in the back room whether or not I was married...to which my boss replied 'no, but you are!'). I figured what the hell and said "Hi! Happy birthday Jim!". His friends eyes got big and he turned to me, "He wasn't lying! He said he knew you and I didn't believe him!" After finding out it wasnt really his birthday, I was just settling a bet, we had a couple laughs. I noticed the friend I was babysitting was starting to spiral so we called it a night.
I ended up with a few strings of beads, a couple tshirts, and a sore leg from stomping it all night. I couldn't ask for a better Patty's day. Okay, maybe next year we skip the naugahyde salesman...

Kiss me, I'm Irish

2008-03-17T11:05:00.003-05:00

Actually, I don't know you very well so I'll settle for a hug.

Today is my holiday. I'm Irish, redheaded, and even wearing green. In past years, this has been the holiday to break all holidays. A few years ago, it fell a couple days before I got married and it happened to turn into some sort of bachelor/ette St. Patty's day hoopla. Last year, I happened to be dating a redheaded Irish guy and I think we were the hit of all the bars. This year, I've decided to take it easy. I'm going to a local Irish restaraunt to hear an Irish band. I will drink Irish beer and eat Irish food. I'm going with a friend and she is on a mission to find me a new Irish guy. It should be fun. If you're doing anything that celebrates the motherland, I'd love to hear about it! There's always new ideas needed for next year...

Happy St. Patrick's day!

Bliss

2008-03-13T17:20:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow morning at 8:00 AM I am handing in my project and bidding adieu to my classes for a jolly week. Granted, I'm working full time over the break but sometimes its good to just work and not have to worry about grades and deadlines. In honor of having a week off from coherent thought, I give you...bullets!

- I just spent the last hour talking with an older guy about all sorts of things. Because he found out who my dad and brother are. I don't know if this happens outside of smaller communities but if people find out who you're related to, you have something in common and can talk forever. I'm not complaining. He was a nice guy and I like hearing stories about my dad and brother. Muahahaha.

- My aforementioned project is on a designer from the turn of the century. Outwardly, he was very devout religiously and strict regarding his design. Inwardly, he was a freak. FREAK. I had to design a book about him. It's really hard to write about someone in glowing terms when you know he's a pedophile and he knows his pets (in the biblical sense). It's me we're talking about though, so those things got a page, against my instructors wishes. I'm just glad I'm done with it so I can quit having to do research. Ick.

- A friend of mine mentioned training for a race. It sounded like a good idea at the time but then I looked it up and its a 20K. As in Kilometers. As in, I don't have an inhaler that will last that long. It's at the end of May. If I think positive, I might be able to do it. Did I mention, I'm not a runner?!

- Today it was 56 degrees out (suck it, Dariush! HA!). I drove around town with the windows down and even took my coat off. As is typical in Iowa, I saw people wearing shorts and tshirts. I don't even wear shorts in the summer but whatev.

- This weekend, I have nothing to do (with the exception of weeks upon weeks of laundry but that isn't considered work really). I'm too excited to do nothing, you have no idea. NOTHING. ahhhhhhh...

Living the stereotype since 1992

2008-03-12T10:04:00.003-05:00

Since coming back to school, most of my classes have been in the design building on college. I don't know if your school had one but it's the building with the strange architecture, walls covered in whatever reviews are going on that week, and its chocked full of the stereotype. The architects are wearing turtlenecks and thick plastic glasses. The interior designers are groups of sorority girls talking about fabric samples. The graphic designers are glued to their laptops sans umbilical cord. And the ones studying to be practicing artists are dressed in a strange eclectic fashion with an aura of unwashed angst.
I catch myself sometimes considering the eccentrics with a wide-eyed stare. There is one girl in particular that shows up in the most odd clothing. She came dressed as cleopatra once...in November. She wears hats that she makes to resemble cartoon animals. It is perpetually a surprise. I always catch myself wondering if she does it because she wants to or because she thinks its what artists should do. I wonder if she's been dressing like this forever or if it started with becoming immersed in an art environment.
I've been dressing like an art nerd for as long as I can remember. My mother criticized me frequently for only wearing black. I've expanded a little but my closet is still dominated by black, gray, and other dark colors. It's what I'm most comfortable in. I realize that I've grown up in the stereotype that I would one day be. Even as I type, I'm sitting in the design building, coffee cup in hand, dressed in black, wearing dark-framed glasses (and looking moody, I'm sure). It has never occurred to me to dress any differently to go against the stereotype. I guess maybe Hat-girl is the same way. She grew up quirky and it has never occurred to her to do anything differently. I wonder if the world is the same outside of the design building...do people grow up in the stereotypes or do they break out?

On opposite ends of the intelligence spectrum

2008-03-09T21:01:00.002-05:00

I spent most of the weekend writing papers and doing projects...while watching E! So help me god if the Kardashians or The Soup influenced anything I did.

Paranoia

2008-03-05T17:44:00.002-06:00

I'm trying not to jinx myself. I haven't been sick for awhile. By 'awhile' I mean since the first week of classes. Like, in January. That's a long time for me. Recently, everyone I know has been coming down with some form of ick. Family, friends, professors, everyone. My university sent out a mass email warning about the mad spread of flu as well as the appearance of walking pneumonia. I sit in my lecture of 400 people and it is a nonstop cacaphony of coughing and noseblowing. It gets to the point where I can smell the sick. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about. It's disgusting.
At any rate, I have yet to come down with anything. I've been taking my vitamins, trying to get enough sleep (trying being the operative word), and attempting to consume plenty of fluids (is beer a fluid?). So far, I've managed to stay healthy. It's a record, as far as I'm concerned. Although, in the back of my mind I keep thinking that its definitely going to hit in two weeks...during spring break. Maybe my Irish luck will keep it away long enough to relish St.Patty's.

Here in the states, that's what we call "asking for it".

2008-02-26T08:57:00.002-06:00

In one of my classes there's a girl I just don't mesh well with (I shall call her Perude). We have a mutual friend in the sweetest girl in the world (I shall call her Sunshine). Sunshine is one of those perpetually nice, giggles in the face of adversity, occasionally clumsy and daft but you can't help but like her kind of people. I've come to the conclusion that Perude hangs out with Sunshine because she's the only one that will put up with her behavior. Perude looks down her nose at other people...she thinks if you don't wear designer clothing you're less of a person, she perpetually points out to her classmates that she's "smarter than most Americans", and if you have to work through school you're too poor and shouldn't even bother. Now, after that statement, let's take a brief glimpse at me...I show up to class in hoodies, jeans, and stocking caps. Uh, I'm an American and I think a pretty smart one. Oh, and I work through school.
I'm perpetually biting my tongue around this girl because Sunshine is very tenderhearted and she really wants everyone to get along. I've told her I just don't agree with Perude's behavior and I'll try to be civil for Sunshine's sake.

I agreed to be civil. Not to let the perfect moment go by.

We had small group critiques in studio yesterday. It was me, Perude, and the instructor. Perude showed the instructor her work, the cover of which she had "spent hours handpainting" words that were descriptors of the artist she was writing about. The instructor made a little joke about how he hoped they were all spelled right to which Perude replied that she was certain they were because her spelling is "better than American's". I started looking through and couldn't help it when I saw "arogant". I pointed it out and she said "No, there's only one 'r', I'm certain". The instructor just laughed and told her she was wrong. Then I pointed out 'entrepreneuor', 'confiddent', and 'inovative'. She looked to the instructor for help and he told her she was still wrong. She then had the 'arogance' to say she still has better spelling than Americans. I just looked at her and said, "well, not this American" and laughed. I even managed to get a giggle out of the instructor.

Life has its good moments...

my second attempt at wasting time, uh I mean posting today

2008-02-25T08:58:00.002-06:00

Kapgar Kwiz
Shamelessly stolen from mom's blog via her buddy Kapgar.
1. Do you like blue cheese? Mmm, only on a steak
2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Whoa, no way.
3. Do you own a gun? Uh, no.
4. What flavor do you add to your drink at Sonic? Never been to Sonic.
5. Do you get nervous before doctor's appointments? Only the unpleasant ones.
6. What do you think of hot dogs? I love them at baseball games, covered in everything you can put on em. Or the superdogs from the cart out by the bars.
7. Favorite Christmas song? That's tough, I can't pick just one.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee with a coffee chaser.
9. Can you do push ups? I can but they're pretty pathetic.
10. What do you order at Starbucks? I don't buy anything at Starbucks. I try to support the local joints.
11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? Does a watch count? Otherwise its my nosering (sorry dad)
12. Favorite hobby? I don't think I really have one, the more I think about it. I exercise and do art but I don't think of either as a hobby, they're more necessities.
13. How do you eat your eggs? Usually scrambled with salsa but I also like 'em fried on top of pancakes. tasty.
14. Do you have A.D.D.? I've wondered if I do but I think I'm just overanalyzing.
15. What’s one trait you hate about yourself? Overanalyzing? Ha...no, I don't really think I HATE anything.
16. Your eye color? It changes...sometimes it matches my hair and sometimes its more hazel.
17. Name three thoughts at this exact moment? I wonder if the instructor knows I'm not working on my project? Maybe I should go zap my coffee. That girl on the end is really starting to annoy me with her arrogance.
18. Name three things you bought yesterday? Coffee (how many times can I mention coffee in one post?). A pastry. An 11 x 17 color copy.
19. Three drinks you regularly drink? Coffee. Mountain Dew. Water.
20. Current worry right now? How am I going to get my car back and get my mom's back to her?
21. Current hate right now? Uh, I don't think I really hate anything. Mom's right, it's a hefty word.
22. Favorite place to be? In bed.
23. How did you bring in the New Years?Watching a "Lost" marathon with my mom at her house.
24. Where would you like to go? A nice warm beach...maybe Hawaii.
25. Name three people who will complete this? I don't know if I even have three people who read my blog regularly, ha.
26. Do you own slippers? Of course. A fuzzy pink pair and a fuzzy blue pair.
27. What shirt are you wearing?A gray tank top and a zip up fleece thing.
28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?Nooooo, I hate static electricity.
29. Can you whistle? Yeah, I guess.
30. Favorite color? Dark red
31. Would you be a pirate? Sure, why not. I wear bandanas alot anyways. I'm just an eyepatch away.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? Girly songs from musicals...I guess girly songs in general.
33. Favorite girl’s name? Alaina (if by some quirk I ever have a kid...)
34. Favorite boy’s name?Jack or Joe
35. What’s in your pocket right now? Lint.
36. Last thing that made you laugh? I almost biffed it on the sidewalk in front of someone this morning. I had to laugh at myself.
37. Most frequently dialed phone number? Uh, I used 11 minutes on my cell phone last month. I don't use phones.
38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? I sprained an ankle playing basketball a few years ago. I try to be careful with myself.
39. Do you love where you live? Uh, with the exception of winter, its not too bad.
40. How many TVs do you have? One...
41. Who is your loudest friend? My sister. She's kinda quiet until she laughs. Then she's the loudest person I know.
42. How many dogs do you have? One...
43. What are you thrilled about right now? Thrilled? Its early, I don't even think about thrilled until after noon.
44. Do you have a crush on someone? Hm. No. It's kinda sad, now that I think about it. (Top Chef is coming back though, so does Chef Tom count?)
45. What is your favorite book? The Time Travelers Wife.
46. What is your favorite candy? Hm, I don't think I have one.
47. Favorite Sports Team? The local college team, I guess. I cheer for them, even though they've been a letdown as long as I can remember.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral? The chicken dance. (hell if I know, gah)
49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?Sleeping.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? I just want 10 more minutes...

a weekend off

2008-02-25T08:47:00.003-06:00

I did nothing this weekend. You heard me, nothing. I decided that I needed it. I slapped together a page layout for this morning and it appears it was enough to appease the graphic design deities. Saturday, I worked in the morning (it doesn't count as work, really.) and then went out of town with friends. We goofed around, had some tasty mexican food and just relaxed. I came back late that night and then slept the entire day on Sunday. Okay, I woke up for about 5 hours so I could watch Millionaire Matchmaker reruns. Oh, and I suppose I technically was up and around since I left the house for coffee and to print off my page layout. But really, I counted it up and I slept from 2 AM on Saturday night until 6 AM this morning with only about 7 hours of functioning. Now, a part of me thinks I should feel somewhat guilty but the other part is saying who cares. Most of the university is getting sick with the flu and if I can take a couple days off to enjoy myself, I'll consider it a method of prevention. Everyone needs a jammie day, er, weekend...

noting that the blinders are on too tight

2008-02-20T20:24:00.002-06:00

The other day at the gym, I worked out on the elliptical thingy for about 40 minutes and then went and lifted weights. I had brought along Chipmunk but we parted ways in the locker room. After working out, she walked up to me on one of the machines. When I asked her where she'd been the whole time she looked at me like I was crazy. She had been on the machines right next to me pretty much the whole time. I chalked it up to being 'in the zone'.
Tonight at dinner, the same thing happened. I was eating with friends and after dinner, I got up to get my coat and someone yelled my name. I looked at the table next to us and it was some old friends that had been waving and trying to get my attention at dinner the whole time. Apparently, a couple of the friends I was eating with even noticed but they just thought they were waving at someone else.
Now, I'll admit, I don't like being in large groups of people or crowds and usually as a coping mechanism I just tune everything out. But I usually don't when I'm in a managable setting, I'm usually people watching. My only explanation is the full moon. And maybe the batman mask I've been wearing. Yeah, lets stick with the full moon.

Slowly murdering braincells...

2008-02-19T20:20:00.002-06:00

That Millionaire Matchmaker show on Bravo is making me question the sanity of all West Coasters. Or maybe just the rich ones and the gold-diggers that are trying to snag them.

and yet I'm still watching...bastards.

keep your fingers crossed updated

2008-02-17T21:58:00.004-06:00

Black and white photography is laughing at me. Oh yes, laughing. I took this class over the digital class because I thought a dark room was wildly romantic and artistic and a purist thing to do. I shoulda been a lazy sack of shit and just done digital. At any rate, its kicking my ass.
First roll of film got eaten. Literally eaten. By the camera. Yum yum, maybe I'll have seconds later.
Second roll only had about 3 usable shots. I took it as a sign that I'm still learning and give it time. Sure.
Third and fourth rolls didn't look like they should. Nothing usable, regardless of my settings. Instructor recommended reshooting.
Fifth roll...got...eaten. This was where I had an urge to chuck the camera into the fireplace and watch all the bits and pieces melt into oblivion.
Sixth and last roll didn't look like they should. Again.
My project is due tomorrow and I have nothing to show for a week's worth of driving myself bonkers. I'm hoping my instructor shows mercy on me. I've tried, I really have. I have never been more challenged by a class and it shows. I'm also hoping that the problem is my camera and not some stupid mistake I keep making. May the photography gods smile upon me tomorrow...

**thankfully the light meter on my camera was off by a couple stops. My instructor is having me submit all my crappy contact sheets and then I can resubmit the project later. Hooray!

Because they're chalky and I don't have to like them

2008-02-13T21:19:00.002-06:00

Tomorrow is the day. Yeah yeah, lovey dovey day of wasting money. Consider me the scrooge of V-day. I just don't get it. You future guys who want anything to do with me, just skip this day. It doesn't count. Get me flowers on some random tuesday and we'll call it good. And maybe some chocolate ice cream sometime, that would be good, too. But I digress. Tomorrow, I will pass on all the hoopla. I'll stay in, make myself dinner and have a lovely quiet night alone. Friday, I will celebrate. The candy goes half off. Hooray!

Twentysome years in the works

2008-02-08T12:01:00.001-06:00

My baby brother is getting married tomorrow.

Okay, so I've never really thought of him as my baby brother. He's only two years younger than me and has turned out a foot taller so 'baby' really doesn't fit. At any rate, he's all growed up now.
It's a little weird to think about. The fact that we're all older catches me especially when I think of him. It seemed like when we were little, the rest of us kids were always picking on him. He was perpetually young...he has ADHD (which you really wouldn't notice it now that he's older) and growing up he had energy like a small chipmunk and an equal attention span. It was hard to keep up with what was going on. There was always mischief and occasional frustration but I think that's common for four siblings.
Looking back, I tend to just remember the fun times with JD. I remember playing matchbox cars and video games and The Living Room Olympics (never when mom and dad were home, of course). There were four-wheelers, snowmobiles and riding bikes (the little twerp got it down before I did and it still kinda bothers me). There was playing in my dad's shop and both getting yelled at...apparently "the shop is not a playground, damnit!"
As I've gotten older, the fact that he has too is always surprising me. Being busy with school and moving away for a little bit, every time I would see him it was astonishing to see that he wasn't the same goofy kid. Sure, he acts goofy every now and then but that's standard for our family. But the realization that he's an adult tends to catch me off guard. The great part is he's not just an adult, he's a really good one. He's turned out to be a nice guy, full of integrity and quick to help people out. I'm always amazed at how quick he offers to help me out when I'm in a bind. He's got the best heart. And of all of us siblings, he's turned out to be one of the softest towards animals. It cracks me up how quick he's been to take up scraggly animals.
So before I go on a rant and get all sappy, I really love my brother. I'm happy that he's managed to find someone who is his female equivalent (its really quite creepy) and she appreciates him as much as we do. I'm glad he's happy and I'm excited to get another sister-in-law.
So to the happy couple, congratulations...I love ya both. And in the eternal words of dad, at least I'm not a mean drunk.

Speak of the devil...

2008-02-02T13:18:00.000-06:00

Captain Snowcloud's birthday is today! He's also been sick this week so maybe you can pop over and give him a hug. Don't tell him I sent you, though. He thinks I'm mean...

Captain Snowcloud

2008-01-31T16:48:00.000-06:00

Lately, whenever I've logged into my msn messenger thingy, there's been a certain individual who's quick to pop up and tell me when the next snowstorm is going to hit. Now, I for one can't stand winter. Sure, the first snow is pretty but after that I'm all bah humbug about it. I'll take a hundred degrees with 98 percent humidity over 40 below. But Dariush seems to think winter is FAN-flipping-tastic. He tells me how its going to be blizzarding in 8 hours, giggles, and then waits for me to let loose with all kinds of colorful words and phrases. I'm trying to figure out what the bane of his existence is so I can be quick to let him know when the next swarm of locusts/plague of frogs/rain of marshmallows is going to commence. I'm offering a handsome reward for any information...because that's what friends are for, right?

Outta whack

2008-01-29T20:05:00.000-06:00

The last two days have been wonky. They've been bits of sleep and waking tied together with cold medicine. Maybe it'll make sense later. I doubt it.

Saturdays are for laziness

2008-01-26T13:45:00.000-06:00

Stolen from Brandy...

I chose:

Black over white
Coffee over water
Heat and humidity over cold and snowing
Dogs over cats
Watching karaoke over singing karaoke
Cartoons over the news
Waffles over pancakes
High heels over flip flops that go through your toes
Backpacks over purses
Text messages over talking on the phone
Movies over theater
Chocolate over vanilla
Honesty over lying to protect me
A small group over a crowd
Pens over pencils
Chapstick over lipstick
Driving over riding along
A swarm of bees over a pack of wolves
Boulevard over Bud Light
Happiness over security
Sleeves and pants that are too long over too short
Mexican food over chinese food
Hoodies over sweaters
Classic cars over modern cars
Modern art over Classic art (ha!)
Silence over crying
Fiction over non-fiction
Hostess cupcakes over hostess Twinkies
Sarcasm over compliments
Complication over simplicity
Martha Stewart over Rachel Ray
Brian over Stewie
Goatees over mustaches
Lists over complicated posts :)

it's amazing I ever know what day it is

2008-01-23T16:46:00.000-06:00

I'm convinced it's Tuesday. WILL THIS ONSLAUGHT OF HOLIDAYS NEVER END?! Someday, my internal calendar will get back in sync with reality. In sync. Great, now I have boy bands rolling through my brain.

This weekend was bonkers. I ended up taking yesterday to recoup with a 5 hour nap-a-thon. I'm finally starting to feel normal. I've been trying to keep track of Ma, who's recovering from neck surgery and I'm trying to get my own spine back into alignment after spending the day in hospital furniture. Why they don't make it more comfortable, I'll never know. People are waiting for the outcome of their loved ones, the least they can do is give you a recliner or something.

I also managed to blow off most of my homework/projects for the last couple days so now I've got to play catch up. I'm kind of looking forward to it. I'm really yearning for a routine.

And in a side note, Dateguy is being normal (thank god). He understands my point of view and even though he'd like to see me again, he'd be content if it's just on a friend basis. He even promised not to roofie me (see? a decent sense of humor! Any single ladies, I'm sure he'd be a catch, just not for me). So that's whats up, yo!

Salt has feelings

2008-01-18T13:01:00.000-06:00

My brother stated that at dinner a few nights ago and it's still making me giggle. My family is completely random.

After my post last night, I got a text from date-guy. He wanted to know if I wanted to go out again and I had to hit him with my Honesty Mallet. It was more of a light tap but I think he was disappointed. Who's to say if he's still gonna wanna hang out.

If anyone's been over at Ma's blog, then you know what the weekend has in store. Quickly after work, I have to take the Bugmeister to a vet appointment and then head to the Big City to have sushi with my sister-in-law. I'm so glad my brother married a kindred sushi spirit. Then tomorrow it's bridal shower/computer shopping/bachelorette party extravaganza. The bachelorette party has a Nascar-esque theme. Very not like me. I told some classmates in my studio this morning and they laughed hysterically at the idea of me doing anything racing related. I had to explain the family background and I think they were even more baffled. After Saturday's craziness, things should calm down a bunch with the exception of Ma's surgery on Monday. Another friend of mine had surgery this morning so it's been the weekend for cutting people I care about open. If I had to guess, I'm going to have to spend more time babying my dad than I am my mom. He's a wuss like that. But in a good way. (and I'm not just saying that because he's funding aforementioned computer)

Hope you all have a good weekend...I'll be sure and bring pictures next week. Got to have documentation of me at a country bar. For those getting this freaking cold weather, stay warm:)

oh, and if you see this dog, don't tell her she has a vet appointment this afternoon...

blog fodder

2008-01-17T20:47:00.000-06:00

I just got back from a date. It was...alright. We got along just fine, just nothing there beyond getting along. At least on my side of things.

The last date I went on went somewhat similarly. Afterwards, however, my date seemed to think we really hit it off and should go on more dates. I disagreed. Wholeheartedly. I was okay being friends but he was so adamant about dating that I completely had to ignore the guy.

I'm really hoping that this isn't the same thing. He was nice, funny, etc etc, there just wasn't any chemistry. He was the kind of guy I'm just better friends with. I'm reeeeeally hoping I don't have to totally ignore this one, I think he could be a fun friend.

I really do enjoy being single. I really do. So less complicated.

Onward

2008-01-14T13:57:00.000-06:00

Today, I started classes again. So far so good...I have the same professor as I did last semester (he who disappears for weeks on end) but he is not scheduled to be gone. Miracle of miracles. I'm also taking a photography class with a lovely woman who is a charming blend of spacey and sweet. I'm giddy about her class. I was also pleased to find out that someone I really didn't want to be in that class isn't, so it was an added bonus on the day. Tomorrow I have an art history class (I have some weird natural memory thing for it so I enjoy it) and another studio with a charming grad student I had last semester...I'm pretty sure shes around my age so its like hanging out with a friend. If ever I was optimistic about a semester, this is the one.

I also spent this weekend appreciating veterans. Random. I borrowed Band of Brothers on dvd from my dad and spent the weekend entrenched, so to speak. I'll be the first to admit I know little about wars and the military in general but this show is giving me a newfound appreciation for soldiers. Yes, I'm sure it's not giving me a completely accurate perspective but babysteps.

I wanted to participate in Sizzle's Ipod meme but alas, I have no ipod. I guess I could dig out my sansa thinger but its all workout music and who wants their life to gain significance from Prodigy, Chemical Brothers, or Justin Timberlake? I'd rather spare myself, I guess.

Romantic comedies are the devil's amusement

2008-01-12T09:25:00.000-06:00

Okay, maybe they aren't that bad. They just irritate me, I guess. You sit enthralled with someone else's perfect relationship for an hour and a half and after you leave it takes a good three hours to re-convince yourself that life isn't like that. Okay, maybe for .000004 percent of the population it is but they probably have hair that doesn't frizz in humidity or a sensitivity to dryer sheets. Am I the only one who has a problem with them? I go in thinking they'll be a cheerful and light alternative to something dramatic and it ends up turning me into a headcase for the rest of the evening. I spent the majority of last night picking apart every relationship I've ever had until Family Guy was able to distract me. I suppose I'm just overly sensitive, I realized last night that I'm currently the only one of my social circle not dating or in a relationship. Which wouldn't be that bad except every time I want to do something, they're already entangled for the evening. I know I'm not the first to have to deal with this. I know that eventually things will change. I know that I typically don't mind being alone. But damnitalltohell those stupid movies make me question my contentment. I might need to give my input to the writer's strike negotiations...

You know your friends are twisted...

2008-01-10T15:14:00.000-06:00

when they giggle through every gory scene in Sweeney Todd. I shouldn't go to icky movies with Chipmunk anymore.

A movie review

2008-01-08T09:14:00.000-06:00

Last night, Chipmunk and I went to see American Gangster at the local dollar theater (it used to only cost a dollar to see older movies, but then they upped it to $1.50...but that's too much to say...so it's still the dollar theater as far as I'm concerned).

Overall, I thought it was pretty good. It got a little long at some points but I went into it expecting it. I will also admit that I may have had random outbursts at some points ("holy shit" and "No way" being a couple of the select phrases)in response to some of the gore (not as graphic as I had expected, though). It was pretty crazy to think it was based on real events. For those of you who have seen it, did anyone else think it weird that Russell Crowe's character spent all that time trying to catch him and then ended up defending him? Granted, he ended up catching all those dirty cops but still...it just seemed a little weird to me.

My only complaint had nothing to do with the movie. The theater was freezing. Not your typical freezing, this was see-your-breath cold. It made the 2.5 hours a little excruciating at the end. I guess when you're paying a dollar, that's what you get.

Tuesday? Thursday!

2008-01-03T17:52:00.000-06:00

I think it's Tuesday. Forgive me. Holidays mess me up.

Thanks to all who wished me well with the move! I'm all in and am still in the phase where I'm digging through boxes. I'm getting a little annoyed tripping over cords and running into things but I'm sure I'll get used to it. Roomie and I are still getting used to each other too. Neither one of us is used to living with people but we've known each other awhile and understand that we just need space for a couple days. I think things will be pretty good.

New Years was pretty quiet. Ma and I spent the afternoon and night watching season 3 of Lost on DVD. We did the same marathon type thing for the first two seasons since we've avoided watching it as it happens during the regular season. We still have a disk to go and as I was standing in line at the cable company, the guys behind me started talking about the episode after the one we left off at. I looked over at them with a panicked look and the guy musta realized he was spoiling so he luckily laughed and told his friend he would finish later. What a considerate guy. Shoulda asked for his phone number.

Today is caucus day, for those living under a rock. Living in Iowa, I'm experiencing a whole new level of hell. For those in favor of Barack Obama, please tell him to stop calling me. And emailing me. And sending me cards. I had half a thought to vote for the guy until he started bombarding me. Today alone I received 7 emails and 5 phone calls. Seriously. Leave me alone. Thankfully, it should be quieter tomorrow.

Other than that, I'm doing pretty good. Hope you all are having a good year so far. I'm always wondering about you in other parts of the country. I'm not sure if it's weird or not, I'm always wondering about people in general. Now I just have blogs/faces to put on the wondering:)

Happy Tuesday/Thursday!

EEK!!!

2007-12-27T12:51:00.000-06:00

Last week I popped into my apartment manager's office to ask about subleasing. They didn't seem like it was realistic so I asked that they just put my apartment out there and see what happens. After all the problems with noise on my floor and then the astronomical electric bill I got the other day, I was willing to see what would happen.

Today, I got the call. Someone just happened to want a one bedroom in my building. All is superduper except they want to move in on the first. Of January. As in, like, next Tuesday.

I've spent the last two hours running around like a crazy person. I tracked down my new roommate and told her, arranged a moving company, rescheduled my work hours, signed papers, and cancelled my electric. To say I'm freaking out would be an understatement. Most of me is glad its happening...I'll be able to save a huge amount of money splitting rent and bills as well as I'll be able to have my dog come live with me. I'm also a little bummed though. I like having my own space and I really love my apartment, just not my neighbors. I'm sure things will be fine, everything is just hitting me all at once.

Don't even get me started on all the packing I need to get done. And I thought I was having a hard time sleeping before all this came up...

whew

2007-12-26T09:24:00.000-06:00

I'm glad christmas is over.

Don't get me wrong, it was good to see everyone. This year was just one of those years where the holiday was putting me in a funk. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just getting older where it doesn't seem as magical as it used to (as corny as that sounds). At any rate, we're on to the remainder of the holiday-a-thon...ending with St. Patrick's Day? Perhaps I can scrounge up some magicalness by New Years.

Hope you all had a fun holiday:)

Staples was all out of giant neon signs

2007-12-20T09:17:00.000-06:00

If the sign on the door says we close at 5:30, please don't keep walking in until 7. Yes, I know there are tons of people in the store. Yes, I know we look open. Yes, I am the only one working.
No, you have no right to be pissed off because you have to wait 20 minutes because you're here after hours and I'm nice enough to still help you.

and then I laughed at myself

2007-12-19T12:11:00.000-06:00

I've talked before how I have struggled with being a perfectionist in the past. I determined a month or so ago to try and let it go. This has done wonders for my stress level and last night I hit a new milestone of non-perfectionism.

I have stage fright. Not because I'm scared of being in front of people...I'm scared of making mistakes in front of people. I hate speeches, presentations, and most of all...singing.

Don't get me wrong, I have a pretty decent voice. That's the problem. I want it to be perfect. So it doesn't matter the audience: the judges at choral contests, the audience at high school concerts, the rest of the choir at church, or even singing to the radio in the car with friends...I don't like doing it. Until last night...for once, I didn't feel the slightest twinge of fear. Friends and I were playing the ohsofun RockBand and when a fourth person came over, someone had to do vocals for us all to play together. No one else would do it. So I figured what the hell, I could just hum along and it would still work. I ended up singing my heart out, half the time off key and squeaky (Have YOU ever tried to sing Ballroom Blitz? I rest my case) and I HAD A BLAST. I didn't care that I was terrible. It was so much fun! Afterwards, everyone started singing and we were ALL godawful! Granted, if I had to sing in front of an audience and do something professionally, I would probably practice my heart out but I've determined that it really doesn't matter. Who cares if you totally botch something? It's not the end of the world. You may give someone else a chuckle or inspire them to equally botch something else.

In semi-related news, I got my grades today and I got straight As...with the exception of a B in that class I decided I was okay being less than perfect at. I love my B.

Contrary to popular belief

2007-12-18T09:21:00.000-06:00

Even though I've been on break for about a week, I've gone somewhat missing from the blogworld. It happens. Seems like when I'm not going a bazillion miles an hour I forget to schedule in blogtime. As a proof of life, I'm here! *waving*

As is typical when I have more than ten minutes to myself I tend to sink into my own brain and wander about. I think about all sorts of things that may make more than interesting blog posts. Alas, I'll admit I'm not quite ready for that kind of vulnerability. I'm not entirely sure who I'm more concerned about...strangers who stop by or those I know in real life that might end up knowing more than they'd really like. Regardless, for now I'll stick to the little bits of dryer lint that are my posts. Maybe as I keep thinking these things over, they won't seem so bizarre to put out in the world. Who knows.

Hope you all are doing well... enjoying all there is to enjoy about this time of year (ice storms not included).

apparently I'm dumber when school's out

2007-12-12T15:02:00.000-06:00

So I'm making my way through the pasta salad that came with my lunch. There's this funny taste to it that I just can' t pin down what it is. It's really kinda nasty though. It's a weird chemically taste. After a few minutes, I realize that I'm still eating this really nasty salad for no good reason than to figure out what the hell that disgusting taste is. I decide to skip the last three bites.

That was probably what botulism tastes like. I'll keep you posted.

Nevermind the bags under my eyes...

2007-12-11T12:48:00.000-06:00

I'M DONE!!!

The last project has been turned in, the last final knocked out of the park, and all is right in the world. I was so excited to be done with my last test I practically skipped to the front. The instructor actually stopped me and asked if it were too easy since I only took about 5 minutes to finish it and was OVERJOYOUS. I smiled and shook my head no. It took every fiber of my being to keep my whooping to a minimum when I got out of the building. I only moderately startled another student. She was obviously not done or she would have understood.

HOORAY!

Split post: "All I want for Christmas" and "Tis the season"

2007-12-06T08:53:00.000-06:00

All I want for Christmas - The Millionaire's version

After dealing with techincal restrictions on projects the last couple days, I'm wanting to rent a GeekSquader for a week. Actually, I'll rent Chuck even though I know he only plays a NerdHerder on tv. He's dreamy. Anyhoo, my Craptop couldn't handle my image files for my latest project (Open file = Freeze screen of death) and nothing the on-campus tech help people did made it work. They were completely baffled. They loaded just fine on the lab computers, my instructors computer, my friends computer. Of course, they're all macs. Damnation. As a PC user in a department full of Macsters, I'm hoping that isn't the problem. If I have to use the lab for the rest of my college career, I may be a bit disheartened. I may have to appease my uber-computer lust with a scanner. At least I could stop driving all over town to use one of those...

Tis the Season - The Pessimist's version

WTH is up with this time of year? I know that people are probably just more sensitized to it, we expect that life should be nothing but sunshine since its the holidays, but why is there so much going wrong lately? People I know have loved ones who are dying, people are finding out about terminal illnesses, there are accidents galore, and now a mall shooting?! It's more than a little depressing. Perhaps I'm just at the age where I hear more about things like this but I can't stand it. I want two weeks of nothing but peace on earth, good will towards men, and nothing of greater pain than a papercut happens to anyone I know or remotely know. Enough with the bah humbug.

Monday miscellany

2007-12-03T11:55:00.000-06:00

Hello! How're you? Me? Well...

- Got hit with an ice storm this weekend. After leaving early on work on Saturday, I stayed indoors the rest of the weekend. Good news? There was a fantastic batch of chili involved. Bad news? All my projects I needed to work on were rendered comatose seeing as my laptop couldn't handle the file size without freezing up and I couldn't make it to the campus computer labs.

- I am hopelessly behind and yet somehow optimistic. Just a few...days...left. I can make it. Hopefully.

- After talking to some friends this weekend about their horrible issues with the opposite sex (psychotic people who just won't go away, a pending potential pregnancy scare) I've decided that I'm ohhhh so glad I'm single. For now. After I go visit Sizzle's page and find out what she's been up to, I might change my mind.

- Christmas is just around the corner! I have done no shopping whatsoever. I'm a last-minute kinda gal. What do I want, you ask? I want the university to give my tuition back. In the likelihood that such an event will never happen, I'll settle for a box of Warm. If such a thing exists. brrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Happy Monday!

slowly but surely

2007-11-28T17:46:00.000-06:00

Ever feel like you're way behind on things but you're just overwhelmed and don't know where to start so you'd rather just curl up in bed and hide under the covers and just sleep for a week and pretend like it will all go away?

I wish they made an IV version of coffee.

He may have a point

2007-11-27T08:19:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine how about how I always seem to get sick when I have deadlines or important things to get done. He determined I'm allergic to reality and that I should be forced to go live on a beach somewhere, for my own health of course. Oh if only.

No sense of timing

2007-11-26T10:58:00.000-06:00

I'm sick. AGAIN.

Started feeling shaky before bed but just thought I was tired. Spent the rest of the night as no one wants to. I have so much to do, we're in the last couple weeks of school. I'm hoping this thing just blows over quick so I can get back to being stressed out and psychotic.

Damnit.

Black Friday

2007-11-23T09:17:00.000-06:00

Since moving back, Black Friday has a whole new joyous gleam. I used to work for a Big Box PetStore as a manager. Black Friday meant getting into the store at 3 am and then having to put up with elderly rich women having me do all their shopping for their Fifis. One gave me a handful of tags and told me these were all the items she would like to purchase and would I be so kind to go gather them for her. Another took an hour of my time trying to find the right outfit that would set off Mr. Fluffy's eye and fur color. Yet another had me follow her around the store with a cart as she picked out her items. One wanted me to do all the running around the store for her while she gave me her list over the phone. My boss said I could draw the line on that one.

Today, I came into work at 9. So far, there has been one person in for an adjustment after a grandkid mangled his glasses. That's pretty much all I'll be doing today. Adjusting glasses and hearing about what fun was had when families got together. I get to leave at 3.

I salute you poor retail workers that had to be at work even at midnight last night. I sympathize that you're going to have a day from hell and you'll be lucky if your store springs for lunch (even if its an effort to keep you in the store all day, poor Lowe's people). I pat you on the back, managers, who don't want to be there as much if not more than the associates and are going to take the brunt of everyone's wrath. Working in retail can really suck on this dark day but please, please keep a smile on your face. Do your damndest to do a good and honest job. Even when people start fist-fighting over the last discounted DVD player, remember that someday even you can escape and work at a job where you get to leave at 3 pm after having sipped coffee and done sudoku puzzles all day.

Muahahahaha!

15 Things I'm Thankful For

2007-11-21T10:29:00.000-06:00

1) My family - the immediate one and those who married into it

2) My friends - the ones who get that I'm not the easiest person to be friends with

3) My dog

4) Health - Asthma and allergies are nothing in the grand scheme

5) My job - Life is nicer when you don't dread going to work

6) My town - not too big, not too small, not too many serial killers

7) My country - and those who fought/fight to keep it this way

8) My Ex - Couldn't have had a life-altering lesson in priorities without him

9) Coffee

10) My twisted sense of humor - I can't imagine how sad life would be without it

11) High heels

12) The good days

13) The bad days

14) Aging and growing up - There's something really great about it

15) All the life lessons I get on a daily basis, not always fun but always important

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

If you're gonna fall off the wagon, fall hard

2007-11-21T09:42:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I took a break from my no-sugar-ness and had a ginormous piece of chocolate cake. For supper, I had half a box of fruit loops. This morning, I have discovered there is such a thing as a sugar hangover. Bleh.

Monday scraps

2007-11-19T10:55:00.000-06:00

- Put up Christmas decorations at work yesterday. It's a little early for my taste (working in big box retail ruined me for early holiday celebration) but I think I can manage. Might even try and scrounge something up for my apartment.

- After putting lights up in the metalwork of the ceiling, I've got what feels like the beginning of a headcold. I'm hoping its just the dust clearing out of my system.

- I didn't get much sleep last night and it feels like there's sand in my eyes. I work for an eyedoctor. We don't have a single bottle of eyedrops in the joint. The irony is not lost on me.

- We are out of coffee. Not good.

- My truck is making death noises. My little (not so little, actually) brother agreed to look at it this morning. I appreciate the hell outta that guy. Wish I wasn't such a jerk to him when we were kids.

- My dad just made a sappy face when he read that last one.

- Now he's laughing at me.

- Now I have to get back to processing Medicare claim forms. This is akin to having your brain removed through your ears or your hair ripped out strand at a time. Did I mention we're out of coffee? It's gonna be a grouchy one.

In a parallel universe...

2007-11-17T09:32:00.000-06:00

As I've stated before, my family is an odd one. We're not scary or anything, we're just special. We have a twisted sense of humor and I've never really met another family like us.

Until yesterday.

I have two friends who are sisters. I call them twins* because they're very similar but they're about 4 years apart. I get along with them fantastically which is rare...I usually get along better with guys but these two are fun. At any rate, their mom is in town this weekend so they invited me out to meet her. It was surreal. When they all got together, it was like being at my own dinner table. There were smartassed remarks as well as candid talk about hard times. The twins have been my friends for a while but by the end of the night I felt like I'd known them forever. Something about seeing a family interact puts a person into perspective. It was really fun to be a part of it. I know my family can be a little overwhelming but I hope when people see us, they get the same sense that we're good people.

*one of the twins looks just like Sizzle...it's uncanny.

TGIT

2007-11-13T15:09:00.000-06:00

In my family, the term "Stress Management Meeting" has a vivid definition. It usually involves my dad, beer, lawn chairs, and a random batch of locals hanging out and bullshitting. This year, I've been blessed with my own version. Every Tuesday night, whoever can make it shows up at a local chicken wing place and we get a couple hours to drink beer, eat cheap food, catch up and relax. As the semester has progressed, I've realized I really look forward to it. I never pegged myself for being one to have a weekly hangout but it's fantastic, I recommend it strongly.
How's about y'all? Any superfun friend get-togethers?

Why I don't make friends

2007-11-11T18:34:00.001-06:00

Drunk obnoxious guy whose been hitting on a friend of mine: "Hey you, Red! What're you drinkin'?"

Me: "It's a Drunk Idiot Stumper!"

D.O.G...: "A wha?"

Me: "Exactly. Now move along, son."

Asking for miracles

2007-11-10T12:18:00.000-06:00

Saw two missionaries trying to talk to college students on their way to the bars. Good luck, boys.

An experimental month

2007-11-06T15:43:00.000-06:00

I've decided that November is IT. The month where I'm going out on a limb and trying to implement some things that might further better my quality of life. After last month's exercise in cutting back sugar, I think I can do anything.

Things on the list:

- Even MORE vegetables: after the Wok Challenge a while back, I'm trying more of them. I'll take any suggestions you may have. I'm very sheltered when it comes to eating veggies. They scare me.

- Watching my budget: the previous trend of just doing what I want and hoping it all works out just doesn't work. I'm actually going to cut back this month and see what kind of impact it makes. It might/will definitely suck but this is a learning exercise. I can do it.

- Cutting back on TV: I think it's started to affect my quality of sleep and that ain't cool. Gonna have to start reading again before bed.

- I wanna be more flexible. I can't keep blaming the fact that I can't touch my toes on my height. Aside from a yoga class that will cost aforementioned strapped money, does anyone have any ideas?

I think that's it for now...Can't go changing the whole world, ya know.

It's a conspiracy

2007-11-04T19:24:00.001-06:00

Mkay, we've talked about this. We've established that creepy toy stores are the edificial equivalent of clowns. So why, oh why, did some genius come up with THIS? Natalie dear, you've been one of my faves but this betrayal will not go unnoticed.

contemplating perfection

2007-11-03T10:16:00.000-05:00

One of the things I feel like I talk about alot is my desire for perfection. I look for it constantly in myself and have occasionally tried to impose it on my relationships. After talking with other people who struggle with the same thing, it's interesting on how it comes about.
I can tell you where I get it from. Growing up, I was awkward and eccentric. I never felt entirely comfortable in my skin or my personality (but who doesn't, really). I remember going to a class one morning during my senior year and the teacher said something that changed how I perceived myself. She said that there was just something about me, I didn't act like the other kids, I acted like royalty but not in a pompous way. She thought of Princess Diana every time I walked into a room. Needless to say, it caught me completely off-guard. I disagree with the royalty part but it still gave me a boost. I didn't feel quite as awkward and took a little more pride in my accomplishments. But with each accomplishment, I was convinced I could do better. I'm not one of those prodigy-like talents for academics but I've always thought that if you work harder you can make yourself smarter. Someone's brain is their greatest asset. Since that transition in my senior year, it's become my addiction to make myself smarter. Every exam is a competition...I always want to be the first to finish and in the top 3 percent. My friends make fun of me because I'm usually twitching with anticipation before exams, I never played sports but I can imagine that's kind of what it's like before a game. Every project is an exercise in wanting to be better than everyone else. Every conversation, even, is a chance to learn something or teach something.
After these years, perfection and I have had a bumpy relationship. Sometimes, it's what pushes me to do a good job. Other times, it pushes me to the edge where I just can't take it any more. Briefly, perfection took a toll on my body when I had people telling me that I could be a model...if I managed to lose weight. I was young and stupid and perfection convinced me that a size 3 was completely reasonable for someone who is 5'10 (as my mother would say, I'm much better now). Perfection has dictated whether or not I'd give a guy a chance. The most infamous rejection I can recall was due to his uneven eyebrows. Granted, it's also saved me from the guys that weren't right for me in the least even though they looked great on paper.
Very recently, I've started to relinquish a little bit of my perfectionist tendencies. I've had a class that I just can't beat and I've decided that my happiness is not worth being obsessed with it. I've felt surprisingly better since. Ironically, my perfectionist tendencies make it possible to quit perfectionism for this class cold-turkey. I'm perfect at being not perfect...?
Thinking about my perfectionism and where it comes from, I wonder about addiction. There's alcoholism in my family history and I always wondered if that gene would kick in or if I was saved. Perhaps I just got another breed of addiction and if I give in to it to its full extent, it will kill me just as surely as alcoholism would. I'm not willing to find out. I really love being the first to finish an exam but I also love being able to relax and not worry about the one more thing I could fix. Life's too short. So you can bet your ass I'm going to be good, I'm just done being perfect.

More sleepy

2007-11-02T09:30:00.000-05:00

Got to sleep around 5:45, woke up at 7. There are naps in my future.

The Aftermath

2007-11-01T16:09:00.000-05:00

Sleepy.

Young neighbors got in around 3 AM. Decided the hallway was a nice place to have a party. It was loud. Really, really loud. I shoulda done something about it. This morning there was pumpkin shrapnel all over the hall. All. Over. The. Hall. Guts made it all the way up the 14 foot walls. On the upside, the Weekend Stairwell Mystery Pee Graffitist did not show up for the Halloween festivities. Is it sad that this is an upside?

Back to our regularly scheduled program

2007-10-31T15:26:00.000-05:00

Mkay, so Halloween has been postponed. Until next year. After talking with my posse, it turns out that most of them went out costumed this weekend while I was in midterm/project/study mode. The only ones who will be out tonight will be the youngins in the 18 million variations on the 'whore' costume. I'm going to pass. I have half a thought that I might host a costume new years party in order to make up for my lack of, uh, costumeyness. We'll see.

In other news, I watched "Knocked Up" last night and I have to say that it was not funny in the least. I get that it's supposed to be. I understand that some of the lines were funny. The subject matter, however, terrified me beyond all comprehension. I couldn't help thinking how awful that situation would be throughout the entire movie. Further confirmation that the universe does not want me to procreate.

it's amazing what a little leaf kicking can do

2007-10-30T17:08:00.001-05:00

I feel great! After my attitude change about that class we will no longer talk about, things have been looking up. I finished a project ahead of schedule, did a fantastic job on a midterm exam, and am currently looking at a clear schedule for the rest of the week. You know what that means? HALLOWEEEEEEEEN! Let the shenanigans commence! Pictures might ensue...

Kicking leaves

2007-10-29T11:11:00.000-05:00

This morning, I got up all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and as I was walking to class I had one of those moments. Everything seemed right in the world. I was happy, carefree, just enjoying myself kicking through the leaves. I caught some other weary design student eyeing me with caution and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. The sad part is the moment I got to class, it was over. If I can figure out a way to stop letting this one frustrating class get to me, I'm sure I'd be a much happier person. I'm beginning to think that if I stop trying to be a perfectionist and just accept the fact that this is just not my class, life will go back to being fun again. Perhaps it really is just that simple...

If you can't say anything nice...

2007-10-27T09:06:00.000-05:00

I've got nothing. Rather than complain and whine and be generally grouchy, I'm just going to refrain. Perhaps once midterms are over I'll be a little better.

High points typically have pets in them

2007-10-24T17:01:00.000-05:00

As of Tuesday, I've been dealing with a week of chaos. Exams, projects, papers, reviews...it's like the perfect storm week of my semester. For one of my projects (an illustrated version of Modo's Eyes, I might post it) I need some pictures of cats. I do not have cats but Ma does so off I went to spend some quality time photographing the little buggers. From my glamourshots session with two of the fiesty ones, I've learned several things...

1) Animals will never do what you want them to. Ever.

2) Throwing leaves in the air is a good way to get a cat's attention. For 3 seconds.

3) My dog will never stay out of the damn shot if I don't want her picture. If I do, she's no where to be found.

4) Attempting to take closeup pictures of cats will result in 17 shots of the inside of their nose. You'd think if they've smelled the lens once, they're good. Apparently not.

5) Paying attention to 2 cats at the same time will result in the curiousity of the other three who will end up with some random body parts in the shots. Luckily, one of the ones I wanted is big enough to hide the others that are behind him.

6) Taking some time to goof around with critters is a guaranteed way to forget stress, at least for a little while.

Bizarro

2007-10-23T09:21:00.000-05:00

Last night, I had the strangest dream. I'm sure that my subconscious stole it from television but it was so surreal nonetheless. I dreamt that I woke up from a nap back in 1999 and I was in my old apartment. I had dreamt the last 8 years. I woke up knowing what was going to happen so I had a second chance to do things. It was just odd running into people I hadn't seen for years and telling them I knew what would happen. I knew that 9/11 would happen but there was nothing I could do to stop it. I tried to contact people I don't meet until later and tell them things they should be careful about. It was just a strange, frustrating, but fascinating dream. I hope I don't have it again.

Fridays have a soft spot in my heart

2007-10-19T14:19:00.000-05:00

You can see the difference already, I'm sure. That's right, I'm almost not sick anymore! And my stress level is managable! And the sun is shining, birds are singing, and I'm pretty sure they've slipped uppers into the local water supply! It's turning out to be one of those days when things are looking up. Perhaps I should buy a lottery ticket...

24 Hour Apathy

2007-10-18T09:17:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, I handed in the project from hell (following a critique where I was inches from punching my instructor, my classmates could even tell but I digress) and since that point have decided that I'm taking a day off. I'm still sick and I'm taking a day off to reduce my stress level and get to feeling better, finally. Killing myself to get things done on days like this just isn't worth it in the end. So bring me another round of cold meds and my blankie and I'm turning the cell phone on silent. Unless you're bringing me good news of a miracle cure or free chinese food, don't bother me. I just don't care today.

Discombobulated Tuesday

2007-10-16T15:53:00.001-05:00

I'm way out of sorts today. Last night I hardly slept and when I did there were project-plagued cold-medicine warped dreams that kept me tossing and turning. I woke up to a gray morning and sand in my eyes. I made absolutely no effort to get ready for class and ended up in a thrice-worn sweatshirt and hat. Since we just had a workday scheduled, I begged off and went back home where the coughing and nose-blowing didn't gross anyone else out. I ended up working on the project that is due tomorrow (another rant in and of itself, I'll promise to spare you) and occasionally spacing off. I made it to work in one piece but at least twice on the drive over I caught myself wondering how I got to the place I was and hoping I had obeyed all the traffic laws in my lost 45 seconds. Thankfully, Boss is understanding about my current state and doesn't mind when I sit and fog out for a little while. Unfortunately, the project is waiting when I get home. I wish that when you were sick you could just call a time out, get 2 hours of feeling fanstastic so you could get your stuff done before going back to wallowing in misery. Oh if only. Boo, I say to you gray day, Boo.

If wishes were Prius's, beggars would, uh...hum?

2007-10-15T17:35:00.000-05:00

I've been thinking about my gas guzzling behemoth lately as well as all the talk on saving the environment. I'm not the most eco-friendly of people...any effort I make is typically done out of the desire to save money over the world. But this issue of cars has me thinking. I wouldn't mind driving a hybrid. Really, I wouldn't. They're a little odd but I think I could get over it. I just don't understand why they're so expensive. Just because I'm a poor college student doesn't mean I should be restricted from saving the planet. They really should just start giving them away. Call it a global effort at eco-responsibility.

Okay, you got me. I really just want a car that sucks less gas. And is free. Definitely free.