Alphameme

It's Thursday and I'm tired. So there.

A. Attached or Single? Single. Doesn't "attached" sound like it involves leeches? Just a thought.

B. Best Friend? For the longest time I didn't have one outside my family (is that sad? Eh, it never bothered me too much) but I think I've finally got one. She's a hoot and doesn't mind that I'm a little odd.

C. Cake or pie? Oh man, that's like choosing between pets. I'm gonna say pie but yellow cake with chocolate frosting is a mega-close second.

D. Day of choice? Sunday. It's the one day where I try to do nothing.

E. Essential item? Chapstick. I have probably 15 of them scattered around.

F. Favorite color? Red. Dark, deep, blood red.

G. Gummy bears or worms? Worms. Especially the red/orange combination.

H. Hometown? BFE, Iowa.

I. Favorite indulgence? Sushi.

J. January or July? July. Me loves the heat and humidity. And my birthday, just a little.

K. Kids? Now? Hell no. In the future? If god is a comedian.

L. Life isn’t complete without? A sense of humor.

M. Marriage date? Uh, had one in 2005 but it's a few years past its expiration.

N. Number of brothers and sisters? An older sister, older brother, and younger brother. And their respective spouses. They all rock.

O. Oranges or Apples? Apples. Oranges have a gross texture. Like little fish eyeballs popping in your mouth.

P. Phobias? Public speaking and heights. And burning alive.

Q. Quotes? They look like this: ""

R. Reasons to smile? There are way too many.

S. Season of choice? Summer. Fall comes in second.

T. Tag 5 people: I don't think 5 people even stop by here...

U. Unknown fact about me? I have this weird thing where if I make a sandwich, I have to take a bite out of it before I put the ingredients back. So if you ask me to make you a sandwich, consider yourself warned.

V. Vegetable? Cucumbers. with ranch? as pickles? delish.

W. Worst habit? Being suspicious of everyone.

X. X-ray or Ultrasound? I had an ultrasound of my heart a few years ago and it sticks with me as one of the most awesome things ever. I could see it BEATING! (Proof for you skeptics who didn't think I had one)

Y. Your favorite food? Chicken Poblano Rojas or Mexitalian spaghetti. Nom nom nom.

Z. Zodiac sign? Cancer. Because every teenage girl loves their symbol to be a crab. Bastards.

Fresh pencils

Yesterday I started back up again with classes. I've been dragging my feet but when it comes right down to it, I love the first few days of classes. I love gathering all the things I'll need for the year. I love walking to class wondering about my instructors. I love seeing people I haven't seen all summer, the familiarity of buildings, the smells of the studios and photography labs. I love meeting new people, seeing the freshman with total confusion on their faces, seeing the shy ones come out of their shell once they realize that high school is over. I'm sure in a couple weeks all the fairy dust will wear off but for now, I'm really glad to be back at class.

Guess which one of us is blonde

I came home the other night and my roommate was telling me how she had done a bunch of cleaning during the day. I was pretty proud of her, actually. She even had cleaned out the fridge and rearranged the freezer. I peeked inside and saw stacks of frozen vegetables neatly stacked, labeled, and dated. As I looked closer, I had to ask her something...

Me: "Uh, dude...did you put names on the vegetables?"

Her: "Yeah! I thought it would keep it easier since we buy a lot of the same things!"

Me: " Um, you realize we have the same first name, right?"

Her: " Yeah...why...oh duh."

She had written "Em" on all of her stuff.

Well ma'am, do you have a time machine?

Customer on the phone: "What time do you close?"

Me: "We close at 6." I glance at the clock and it's 5:50.

CotP: "My kid's glasses are in, will I make it in time if I leave now?"

Me: "Uh, well, where do you live?"

CotP: " We're in Des Moines. If we leave now we can be there in 45 minutes or so."

Me: "Well, we close in ten minutes."

CotP: "So you don't think I can make it?"

Alas.

A week from today I will be fully engaged in another semester.

Damn.

So here's to my last week of sweet freedom (sorta, because I've been working full-time, lets not be delusional). Here's to sunshine, beer, bowling, fishing, lawn chairs, flip-flops, patios, more beer, bikes, tents, grills, humidity, thunderstorms, fruit markets, innertubes, cowboy hats, stock car racing, ice cream, state fairs, sushi, outdoor concerts, tank tops, car trips, bikinis, campfires, margaritas, freckles, and burning yourself on seat belts. I will miss you.

Imitation is the best flattery. or something.

Wednesday night I went with my dad to the truck and tractor pulls at the State fair. Yes, it sounds like what it is. A tractor/truck hitches up to this weighty trailer thingy, as the truck/tractor pulls it a weight moves up the trailer towards the truck/tractor and at some point, the truck/tractor can't pull it any farther. Eh, google it if that made no sense.

Anyways.

As I drank my beer and settled in for the loud long haul, my dad kept making remarks on how much of a 'trooper' I was and how I was alot like him (apparently he had no idea I drink beer. alot.). Over the course of the night and the next day, I got to thinking about his observation. Most of the time, I'm compared to my mom. We look identical (albeit a few years apart), have the same sick sense of humor, and are known for sarcasm. I did inherit a great deal of my personality from my dad, though.

He and I both have a limited tolerance for bullshit. Don't try to schmooze us or win us over with all your accomplishments. We could care less. Impress us with how good of a person you are and maybe we can talk.

We also have the ability to be a chameleon. While dad perfected the art of being able to talk to anyone, I'd say I've been able to pick it up pretty well. Need to talk to the CEO of a major corporation? Done. Need to talk to a local farmer? Done. We can switch up our personalities just enough to put the other person at ease.

I also managed to inherit my dad's temperment. While the women in my family are known for their, ah, moodiness...I stay a pretty even keel like my dad. Granted, he and I are also alike in that when we get pissed, we get PISSED. Just stay the hell out of the way until it blows over. Along with an even temperment is an even temperature too. I have yet to figure out why he and I can stay pretty comfortable in 95+ and 45 below. Except in movie theaters. He and I are different there.

Finally, he and I are alike in that we both can have gruff exteriors but underneath we're pretty soft-hearted. Be it friend, family, or critter...we take care of those who are dear to us. So while he may make some comment about how I had something to do with planning his birthday dinner, I'm just following along in family footsteps. I'm just trying to take care of him like he's taken care of me and the rest of the family. Because, let's face it, it's a hell of a lot easier than trying to grow a beard like his.

Did anyone get the number of that truck?

I hurt. My shoulders ache from carrying tubes, my back is jacked from sleeping on an airbed, and well...my ass is all scraped up from falling over while tending to nature (no, there aren't pictures). The one thing not on that list, no sunburn! Even in a, uh, semi-altered state, I was still able to keep putting sunscreen on every 15 minutes. I went through 2 bottles, Dad! Aren't you happy.

I'll spare the gritty details (well, any more seeing as you already know what happened to my ass) but it rocked. We met some interesting people and there are quotes that will make sense to no one outside the group. It was one of those awesome kinds of trips. I'm hoping to get some pictures from the waterproof camera that made it on the river but I'm pretty not-awesome about posting pics in a timely fashion. Yeah yeah, I fail at life. But I ROCK at putting on sunscreen.

Thanks TJ for the tip but paddles? PADDLES? They didn't say anything about paddles. We just floated unaided, with only our wits and empty beer cans to save us. Thank god we had empty beer cans.

Whatever floats your boat. Er, tube.

I'm leaving today for an All Girls Weekend Extravaganza. I, along with 6 other ladies (including the Twins, my lovely sister-in-law, and her friend that I have designated as the Wild Child) are going tubing down a river in Wisconsin. I'm not sure if this fad is restricted to midwesterners but it seems like the thing to do in the summer. Get a bunch of people, a cooler of beer per, and an innertube. Float and drink for a few hours. Repeat. I'll be the first to admit that I haven't ever done this before. There's some part of it that offends my prim side. That part would be the fact that there are no bathrooms, with the exception of the water you're floating in.

Gross.

I never grew up swimming. I heard rumors about peeing in pools but there's like chlorine and stuff to take care of it (let me have my delusions). The fact that I'm going to be just floating around in urine all day makes me a little nauseous. Okay, a lot nauseous. I'm bringing bleach to soak in after I'm done.

Aside from that grody concept, I think it's going to be fun. I'm sure I'll be my typical mom-self and not drink too much and keep an eye out for my friends. Or maybe my lovely sister-in-law will be the little devil on my shoulder and get me into trouble. At this point, who knows which way the pendulum will swing. After introducing the plans to my dad and telling him who was going, his first words were "Oh shit, are you girls gonna get arrested?!".

I know a good bail bondsman.

So here's to another summer adventure. I'll TRY and take pictures but I've been warned that this isn't the crowd to catch in their swimsuits. I might get punched and the memory card taken out of my camera. I'll be sure and take a picture of my black eye for posterity.

Lots of scribbling

Busy busy busy. After classes got out, I made it my sole purpose in life to squeeze as much as I could out of the rest of my summer. None of that sitting at home, watching Bravo in my pjs, eating cereal straight out of the box bullshit. I made exceptions for going to my sister-in-laws to sit, watch bravo, and eat sushi. Totally different. Sushi = class and therefore not bullshit.

A little thing I'd like to call Redneck Saturdays (and I mean that completely lovingly, for those who also attend this event). It involves Busch light and/or THE SILVER BULLET. It involves stock cars. It involves delicious junk food, loud noises, and potentially making an ass out of myself. Oh yeah, its going to the stock car races to watch my brother compete. As a side bonus, its a chance to watch my grandmother (NOT a stock car racing kinda gal) wander around and be a general pain in the ass. Talks during the race about nothing relevant...follows my dad EVERYWHERE...scowls when you don't want to leave in time for Jeopardy (or whatever old people do at 10pm). One day, I'll look back on these days and call them "The Early Years Before She Went Entirely Batshit Crazy".

For something entirely different, theres Project Runway Night! (commence tuning out for the next paragraph, males) We lizzadies gather, eat, and talk in the third person in honor of Suede. Em thinks Suede is hilarious. Em also hopes they keep him on because he is more bizarre than that little tanorexic twit. Em hasn't been agreeing with the judges most of this season but Em isn't getting paid for her opinion. She's usually right about Shear Genius though. (Why does Charlie always have his mouth hanging open?)

The last two days I've been twiddling my thumbs at work. The Bossman is outta town so I have to run the show. The very slow show. I've spent most of my time surfing the net, I won't even pretend that I'm not. Good news? Blog fodder. Bad news? My eyes are burning out of my head. I'm definitely going to have to wear glasses more when I go back to class because damn, I can't take staring at monitors like I used to. But Hello? This site? And this one? Maybe not this one so much.

Speaking of class. In my infinite genius, I have been convinced all summer that it starts on the 18th. I was counting down the remaining days of summer with sadness. Until. Until someone pointed out that they start the 25th. Mixed emotions on that one. Annoyed because I hate hate HATE being wrong. Overjoyed because uh, FREEDOM. For another week, anyways. I have yet to tell bossman about the snafu. Might just relish that there 20 hour week with nothing else to do.

Okay damn. I seriously need to go get some eyedrops.

5 things learned in July

1) Strawberry margaritas on Sunday afternoons are best accompanied by kiddie pools and lawn chairs.

2) When your roommate gets another dog without considering your feelings on the matter, of course that dog is going to be the yappiest damn thing on the face of the planet.

3) A case of beer is like magic elixir to people who have been moving furniture all day.

4) Hearing about exes being in new relationships can be either devastatingly complicated or simply joyful...depending on the ex.

5) Even 27-year-old women can still squeal like girls when having to get a fish off the hook.

Invasion

Today, the state's annual bike ride is coming through my town. I have nothing against the occasional bike rider. But there's nothing like thousands of drunk people in spandex that make you wanna not leave the house.

Can you call in 'annoyed' to work?

A giggle and a mystery

The giggle is thanks to Ms. Jodi...

Clicky now please.

Joss Whedon, Nathan Fillion, Neil Patrick Harris, AND Felicia! From the Cheetos commercial! (I'm sure she's done other fine work but I really did enjoy the commercial. And make a mental note of what she looks like. it comes up later.) And there's SINGING!

Unfortunately or fortunately... that fun little bloglet is available this week only for free. Later you have to pay for it, I guess. So gets your chuckles in now!

The mystery...

Why, oh why does sunscreen always have that SMELL? Ya know, sunscreeny smell. I am white...like crazy white like aforementioned Felicia. Therefore I am wearing teh sunscreenz everyday. But I hate the smell. I buy the Unscented.

Hark. (is there an olfactory version of hark? Snort? Snork? Snark! I digress.)

Smells like sunscreen. I smell like it now. At night. When it's dark out. I am not on a beach. I do not have bermuda shorts or a big straw hat on. But I sure smell like I do. Albino white redheads should not smell like they are tan, blonde, sea-water dripping surfer people. It's like the lotion companies are mocking us. We need a lotion that smells like books and sarcasm. Sexy.

A blurry week

I've been in a funk. Stressed, tired, borderline upset, a little emotionally drained. You name it, I've been there. I wish there was a legitimate excuse for it. It's a complicated set of little catalysts. I'm totally trying to be the logical nerd and tell myself that I just need to snap out of it. I probably will eventually. Hopefully after I hand in a stack of projects that are hiding the entirety of my drawing table. Hopefully after I get over some news that has had me freaked out for a couple days. Hopefully after things get back to being like summer and not like some self-imposed punishment.

I'd call that a 'peeing in your cheerios' kind of post but it's afternoon now. So whatever you had for lunch...bon appetit.

Scraps

Thanks to all who stopped by for my birthday! It was a blast. My friends insisted that I dress like a girl for the event and as I sat at dinner in my heels and dress it occurred to me that the four of us were the stereotype. It was kinda bizarre as I usually have more guy friends than girl and for the first time in my life, it seems like it has swapped. I'm not complaining.

Happy Fourth of July! I know it's tomorrow but I'm going to be FISHING and DRINKING and WEARING MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF SUNSCREEN. Because that's what being an American is all about. Sometimes.

Saturday is my Divorce anniversary. I talk about how fantastic my ex is all the time so I'll spare you all. He really is great, though. Greatest guy I ever put back on the market.

That's all I got. My brain is already out fishing. Hope it's not using itself for bait.

Birthday!

Mature, I am not.

Last night I had dinner with my brother and his wife. Since we had a little time before the movie started, my brother wanted to go cruise the car lot for a new ride. As we're walking around, a truck pulls up and the driver yells something at my brother. He ends up knowing the guy and walks over to say hello. I glance over and half-recognize the woman in the passenger side. I start to walk quickly away down the aisle when hear my brother say " Really? Maybe she didn't recognize you...Hey Em!" I glance back and try to keep the annoyance off my face.

"Hi! Oh it is you! Hey Sarah!"

I proceed to have to chitchat with a girl I went to high school with. A girl I went to elementary school with. A girl who was pretty mean to me throughout the majority of those 13 years. I know that I'm supposed to be grown-up and forgive and forget, blah blah blah, but I've noticed something since I've left high school. After I got out of that rumormill and grew out of my awkward geeky freak phase, all those people who were mean to me will go out of their way to talk to me. I had one guy see me at the bar and start hitting on me and I couldn't resist the urge to point out what an ass he was to me in high school. He had turned into a real sleeze anyways. One of the major creeps stopped me in the mall and asked if my last name was my maiden name. I looked him square in the eye and told him no. I had kept my married name after I got divorced so I wasn't technically lying. He looked stunned and said I looked kinda like a girl from high school only skinnier. I resisted the urge to punch him.

I know that it's kind of petty to still want to avoid these people after ten years. I live in my hometown so its a little tough to avoid them completely. I figure I still talk to the ones I liked, why should I have to pretend to be nice to someone who was never nice to me in the past.

As Sarah drove off, I could hear her two kids screaming bloody murder in the back seat of the truck. In the silence afterwards, I was grateful for karma.

another's tragic hours

Last night a friend called my work, crying. She had just found out that her ex-husband and the father of her two kids had been in a motorcycle accident and was in critical condition 8 hours away. She, her daughter, and son in law made the trip down. They got there past midnight. This morning, my boss called to let me know that he had died. After driving that distance, the doctors sat them down, explained all the complications of his injuries and then told them he had died.

My friend's daughter is my age. She just recently had her second child. Although my friend and her ex were separated, they were doting grandparents. He had recently started dating again and my friend seemed fairly glad for him about it.

I don't know if it's just been this spring or if I'm getting older. It seems like this has been a spring full of tragedy, heartbreak, and complication. I have been fortunate to have seen my sister come through all her struggles and is once again herself. Those around me have not been so fortunate. I've tried to be optimistic that others will be just fine but so far, my hopes have been false ones. I really want things to get better for my friend. She's had so many struggles this year and I am almost in disbelief that yet another one is laid on her back. Each time I see her, she is more weary and worn out and I just want for her to enjoy her life. Things have to get better, they just have to. Right?

Generation Gap

I was adjusting an elderly gentleman's glasses at work when he spied my nosering.

"What's your father say about that?"

I kind of chuckled because my dad has a habit of telling me I have a booger on my nose. I'm sure he hates the thing but I'm glad he can crack jokes about it.

"Oh, he's threatened me with pliers a couple times."

"Well good for him. At least that you can take out and it might heal. Those girls with tattoos...they are in for it. Someday they're going to have to explain to their children why they have those marks all over their body."

I was thisclose to telling him I had tattoos and he could take a flying leap. Then I decided I shouldn't give my clients heartattacks.

I hope his granddaughter gets a tattoo.

Grateful

Last night, I met a friend of a friend who has been recently divorced. When she found out I was too, it was like a funny little sigh of recognition passed through both of us. Like me, she had yet to meet anyone in our age group that had been through it. We talked about the stigmas attached to the word and how it changed our perspectives. When she asked about how hard it had been, I realized once again how lucky I have been. Her divorce was started because he had been cheating on her, for who knows how long. They had been highschool sweethearts, together for 10 years, and he had been lying to her. The divorce was messy and painful and once I looked for them, I could see the scars. When I explained my situation she was in awe. That Scarecrow and I had been amicable, wanting the best for each other, it was mind-boggling to her.

Last week was Scarecrow's birthday and I sent him a text, since I figured he was out camping or hiking as it's his favorite thing. While I was reading the response, my older brother asked "Why don't we hate that guy?", half-joking half-confused. It kind of caught me off guard but at the same time, I think he voiced what a lot of people wonder when I talk about my ex-husband. Of course I don't hate him. I've never had a reason to. We had our disagreements but I think we realized the significance of them before we started to resent each other.

Since our separation, he and I have somewhat drifted apart. He lives halfway across the country and we both have pretty full lives now. It's a little sad that we aren't the good friends we used to be but I would think it's only natural. The reason we separated is that we wanted different things and now we're getting them. I don't speak to him as much as I used to but I still want him to know how grateful I am for him. A lot of people might not understand, might think it's strange, but when someone is an important part of helping you realize what you really want in life, you have to appreciate them.

Heavy

Another dragging day. I'm dogsitting a lovely golden retriever but this means staying at someone else's house. I didn't sleep well and was woken up early by thunderstorms and strong rain. More strong rain. I'm tired, am still going through weaning myself off caffiene, and this constant rain is making it feel like fall again...that seasonal affective crap. I could really go for some significant sunshine right about now but the 7-day forecast only has a half day of it scheduled for Saturday. The half that I'm at work.

At least the ducks are happy.