Heart attacks in the mail

My adoration for my new apartment was about killed today. I opened my electric bill. My first electric bill...

$257.58

I shit you not. My eyes bugged out of my head and I about dropped dead right by the mailbox. After looking at it a little closer, turns out it was because my deposit is $235.00. Uh, hello? Are you serious?!?

I instantly shifted gears and drove down to the electric people to find out what the heck was going on. Turns out since I haven't lived in town within the past 2 years, they don't consider me to have a good record and therefore I have to pay a deposit....which is based off the previous tenants electric usage. Helpful Electric Lady flipped her monitor to show me their usage for the year. Apparently, the previous tenant was Las Vegas. My only way out was to prove that I was a faithful bill payer in Kansas City. I called the KC Electric Lady but I was not in the system.

Not in the system = Em's screwed

After calling my ohsofantastic-exhusband ( I mean it, he's super nice, no sarcasm intended) he hooked me up with his account number and there I was! For some reason, my number wasn't put on the account but I was listed.

HOORAY!

After the third try at faxing the right form that had my name on it, I made my triumphant return to the Helpful Electric Lady where I was crowned exempt from paying a godawfully high deposit.

My new bill: $22.58
My new bill were I the previous tenant : $162.75

Seriously! Shut your lights off people! Wherever you are!

Summer's last hurrah

Classes start again on Monday.

I'm kinda looking forward to getting back into schoolwork but one thing I'm not looking forward to is the workaholic mode I tend to get in. It usually means I drink way too much coffee, clench my teeth, and most likely lose 10 pounds regardless of how much I eat. I can't help it. There's something in me that just switches into perfectionist mode and I have a hard time controlling it. I know that it makes my work better but part of me wonders at what cost to my overall well being. So going into the semester, I'll take a deep breath, maybe find a yoga class, and make sure I spend some quality time having fun with my friends. I think I can drink to that...

Dear New Neighbor Down the Hall,

When you decide to get drunk on a Tuesday night, that's fine with me. When you have people at your place until 5 AM, that's also fine with me. Whats NOT fine with me is when you and those people decide to take the fun into the hall and then start fights that involve door slamming and lots of yelling. You're lucky I don't own any serious weapons.

Love,
Em

Oh, and PS...paybacks a bitch.

because my brain is too tired to write a real post

Ma can do this, so can I.

This is for your entire life.

(x) Smoked a cigarette
( ) Crashed a friend's car
( ) Stolen a car
() Been in love
(X) Been dumped
(x ) Been laid off/fired
(X) Quit your job
( ) Been in a fist fight (does hitting someone count? If so, then yes.)
() Snuck out of your parent's house
(X) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) Been arrested
( x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
( ) Been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been lost
(X) Been on the opposite side of the country
(X ) Gone to Washington , DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Felt like dying
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
( ) Played cops and robbers/Cowboys &Indians
(x ) Sang karaoke
(x ) Paid for a meal with only coins
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x ) Made prank phone calls
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain
(X) Written a letter to Santa
() Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about or love
(X) Blown bubbles
( ) Made a bonfire on the beach
(x) Crashed a Party
(X) Gone roller-skating
(X) Gone ice-skating
1. Any nicknames? Red, Em, Boog, Country...and lots of little random ones
2. Mother's name? Ma
3. What is your favorite drink? Depends on what I'm drinking it with
4. Tattoos? yep
5. Body piercing? Ears? Ears and nose
6. How much do you love your job? Scale of 1 to 10? Its a 9.5
7. Birthplace? Iowa
8. Favorite vacation spot? Quiet beaches are nice, or the mountains, or the desert...
9. Ever been to Africa? Nope
10. Ever steal any traffic signs? Yep
11. Ever been in a car accident? Just little ones
12. Drink Cup size? Large
13. 2 Door or 4 Doors? 2
14. Salad dressing? Homemade ranch or creamy italian/parmesan
15. Favorite pie? cherry or apple
16 Favorite number? 13
17. Favorite movie? I can't name just one
18. Favorite holiday? Thanksgiving
19. Favorite food? Chicken Poblano Rojas...or anything mexican
20. Favorite day of the week? Sunday Funday
21. Favorite brand of body soap? I don't use soap, I use girly bodywash thingers
22. Favorite TV show? Probably CSI
23. Toothpaste? Crest Superduper fantastic somethingorother...for sensitive teeth
24. Favorite smell? Guys, without a doubt
25. What do you do to relax? Draw, read, watch tv, go exercise
26. Message to your friends? I can give them messages to their face
27. How do you see yourself in 10 years? A little more eccentric but still fun
28. What would I rather be doing? Eating chicken wings
29. Furthest place you will send this message? I'm not really sending it anywhere...
30. Who will respond the fastest? Heck if I know
31. Least likely to respond? See previous response

Memes are silly

Saw this over at mom's and figured what the hell...

Note: Some of them I'm not bolding to protect the innocent.

Oh, and you're sposed to bold the things you've done and tally them at the end. Carry on.

Bought everyone in the pub/bar a drink
Climbed a mountain
Held a tarantula
Taken a candlelit bath with someone
Been in love - up for debate
Broken someone’s heart
Had my heart broken
Done a striptease
Bungee jumped
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
Seen the Northern Lights
Gone to a huge sports game
Grown and eaten my own vegetables
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby’s diaper
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Watched a meteor shower
Gotten drunk on champagne
Given money to charity
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Had a food fight
Bet on a winning horse
Taken a sick day when I wasn’t ill
Had a snowball fight
Photocopied my butt or any other intimate body part
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping
Taken an ice cold shower
Seen a total eclipse
Ridden a roller coaster
Hit a home run
Been arrested
Visited all 50 states
Taken care of someone who was shit faced
Stolen a street/highway sign
Backpacked in Europe
Taken a road-trip
Taken a midnight walk on the beach
Gone sky diving
Milked a cow
Alphabetized my records/CDs
Sung karaoke
Lounged around in bed all day
Gone scuba diving
Danced in the rain
Gone to a drive-in theater
Started a business
Gotten married
Been in a movie
Crashed a party
Gotten divorced
Had sex at the office
Made cookies from scratch
Gotten a tattoo
Been on television
Had sex in a public place
Got so drunk I don’t remember anything
Recorded music
Had a one-night stand
Bought a house
Shaved or waxed off my pubic hair
Been on a cruise ship
Spoken more than one language fluently
Bounced a check
Called or written my Congressperson
Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
Sung loudly by myself in the car
Written articles for a large publication
Piloted an airplane
Helped an animal give birth
Been fired or laid off from a job
Won money on a TV game show
Broken a bone
Ridden a motorcycle
Had a body part below the neck pierced
Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
Ridden a horse
Had major surgery
Had sex on a moving train
Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
Visited all seven continents
Eaten sushi
Had my picture in the newspaper
Parasailed
Changed my name
Dyed my hair
Been a DJ

My total: 49

Reconnected

Hooray! After spending 3 days and countless hours on the phone with the internet tech support people, I'm finally up and running. I've discovered that I hate being without internet, moreso than television. At any rate, I have to get around to go to work but I thought I'd let you know that I'm all moved in and now connected. So I'll be back...

Move 'em out

Today is the day. I've been packing for a couple days and trying to get the junk sorted out and my first truckload of stuff is ready to go. I have a half hour before I can get into my new place...let the thumbtwiddling commence. Today should be interesting. Typically when I've moved in the past I've had a crew of several to help me out. Until later tonight, I'm going solo. I'm going to try and get as much done as I can by myself and then let the two recruits help me with my limited furniture. I'm already sweating unpleasantly (as opposed to pleasantly...I think my brain is already done for).

Aside from the physical fun of moving, I'm also playing around with the mental aspects. I'm a little nervous. As I've mentioned before, this will be the first time I've lived entirely by myself. I had a brief couple months when a roommate flaked out but other than that there's always been someone around. I'm a pretty independent person so I'm not overly worried but I think I'm going to learn some things about myself. It might be grow-up time. I'm ready for whatever gets thrown at me and its not like my family is hundreds of miles away like they used to. Everything is going to be fine. It's just transition.

Oddly enough, what's hitting me most today is that I'm going to be without my dog (before you get frowny, mother, YOU can pick up a phone and drive over whenever you want so there). I got to thinking that the wee Bugster has been with me through quite a bit. She was my first in depth experience raising a puppy. She was with me through my marriage, my divorce, moving back, starting school again...all of it. Now I'm sure that my parents are going to take fantastic care of her but I'm going to miss her a bunch. Granted, I was reminded at about 4 am what I'm not going to miss...the incessant growling at owls...but those are just the little things that add to her charm. There will be much visiting.

And yes, I'm sure I'll miss my parents too. There are moments when we drive each other bonkers but for the most part I have a family that just gets along. And while SOMEONE keeps implying that I will be falling off the planet, I will say this once more...You have a phone. I have a phone. I will on occasion answer it. You have a car. I have a car. I have laundry to do and you have a free washing machine. So there.

I'll see what I can do about posting once I get settled in...

Chicago!

Soooo, I've been procrastinating on this post because I'm ashamed that I only managed to take about 10 pictures of my trip. Most of the photoging was done by the birthday girl and she has yet to share. Some of them may not be suitable for internet consumption. I'm just saying. Here's how it went down...

Flew out of the local airport...granted, its only about a 5 hour drive to Chicago but I felt like being a frivolous sack of poo. My friend, we shall call her Chipmunk*, can't drive because of an eye thing so flying seemed the way to go. Chipmunk and I made it there in one piece and after a harrowing taxi excursion made it to our other friend, we shall call her Noodles*, at her office. Noodles thought that it would be brilliant to bribe the receptionist to call security on us. She feigned knowledge of Noodles' existence and Chipmunk and I were borderline panicking. At the last minute Noodles appeared cackling. Receptionist gets 1 cool point for going along and not cracking a smile once.

After not getting snacks on the plane, Chipmunk and I ran across 6 lanes of traffic to get McDonald's. Icky man held open the door for Chipmunk and then offered to give her a ride to wherever she wanted to go. One can only imagine where icky people take Chipmunks.

We promptly packed up Noodles and went to an 80's music thingy clear across town. I was able to see how aggressive Noodles' driving has become as well as learn all about Chicago rush hour. We managed to miss the first two bands because of traffic. We did, however, get to see Joan Jett, REO Speedwagon, ZZ Top, and how much beer 60 bucks will get 3 grown women at a concert. Not much, surprisingly. It was the first utterance of the weekend motto "Oh fuck it, we're on vacation". Ended up leaving the concert a little early because amazingly, Chicago really is the windy city...the freezing, windy city.

Next day, the three of us decide to do some major damage at the mall. Decide to get lunch first to curb the "I feel so cute in this, I must buy it" factor. Ate at a hugenormous salad bar place called Sweet Tomatoes. We need one in Iowa. They're fabulous. I ate my own weight in pasta salad and kalamata olives. The remaining time at the mall was a blur of clothes, shoes, and pedicure. When we made it back to Noodles' place, her boyfriend had made us dinner and margaritas (I have thus accepted him into the family). Afterward was spent wandering around the Edison Park bars and meeting the natives. Most of them seem to be male. It was abnormal, but not necessarily in a bad way. Good time was had by all.

Next day, sleep till noon. "Sleep" being used loosely as neighbor has yappy dog with an early wakeup call. Get around and go to the beach. Noodles:tan. Chipmunk:tan. Em:Albino. I stuck out on the beach like a giant beacon of sparkly white light. Spent most of the day with my face covered taking a nap. I did remember to wear sunscreen...except I have funny little sunburn lines on my stomach and hips where the sunscreen didn't reach when I was applying it sitting up (stupid stupid stupid!). Lesson learned. Add it to my collection of utterly ridiculous tanlines. Noodles got scorched...all hail mighty sunscreen.

Postbeach, I felt like I was starting to get sick. Headache, sinuses, achy...unpleasant. We got all dolled up and made our way to Wrigleyville. Let the record show that we were running late for the train and ended up having to run to catch it...in 4 inch heels. I have the blisters to prove it (say it with me, stupid stupid stupid! but cute...). I felt like hell all night and had little motivation to buy 12 dollar drinks so we ended up calling it an earlyish night. Noodles and Chipmunk were mildly peeved but I think they're over it now.

Next day, sleep til noon. Had aspired to go to a cubs game but it started at 1 something and we were moving at a snails pace. Ended up going downtown and wandering around the Field Museum and Millenium Park (behold the shiny giant bean). Had a relaxing dinner and then realized that we were running late for the train. Again. This time we had to run about 2 blocks but I was smart enough to be wearing flip flops. Chipmunk made it back with about 5 minutes to pack and get to the airport before her flight left. I had a later flight so it wasn't nearly as bad.

My flight had about a half hour delay because apparently they decided to send the tarmac people home and there was no one to wheel us away from the walkway thinger 20 feet. It was chaos watching the little dudes in golf carts figure out who was sposed to be taking care of it. I wished I had a squirt gun so I could soak one of them until they just shut up and did it. Ended up getting in super late. Woke Chipmunk up where she was waiting at the airport and we made it home after a punchy drive.

Great trip, hardly any pictures to prove it, still tired, still have half my stuff in the suitcase, spent too much money, don't regret any of it.

*Chipmunk gets her name because on occasion she makes a goofy little chattery noise and acts hyper like said creature (I call her Chipmunk to her face, no worries). Noodles gets her name because at any point in time you will find her eating pasta. I think she ate spaghetti for breakfast at least twice while I was there, god bless her carb loving heart. I wonder what kind of name they would give me...if Sarcastic Bitch weren't so obvious...

Monday Scraps II

I've been kinda busy and stuff but I feel like I'm neglecting again...so here are some little niblets for your enjoyment.

-Contrary to some theories, the brain nibbling parasites have subsided and I'm getting more sleep. I still wake up around 4ish but at least I'm getting some sleep. Its a work in progress.

- I've been riding my roadbike alot. I find it ironical because my ex-husband would have given his right hand to get me to ride the damn thing more. I can hear him rolling his eyes when I call him to ask how to adjust my rear derailleur or recenter my pedal clips. Life is silly.

- I'm getting a vacation this week! A friend and I are going to Chicago to visit another friend. We were all pretty tight in high school and then lost touch and have kind of regained touch. It's amazing how much and how little people can change since high school. At any rate, we get to spend a few days in the Windy City (which I really like as far as breezy destinations go), hang out, see the museums, catch a cubs game (hopefully, pretty please) and just bum around in general. I'm really really really excited.

- I am getting ready, sorta, for the move. I have a couple weeks left and I'm making little baby steps toward getting packed. I've been throwing out all the miscellaneous crap that followed me from KC and I'm trying to thin out my closet a tad. In case you were unaware, I own more clothes than god. If god kept every single sweatshirt he ever had because ya never know when you'll need a super ratty but very comfortable crappy sweatshirt. It's a disease. I'm going to try and cure it within the next two weeks.

- Other than that, life is same. Still loving my new/old job. Still chillin' like a villian. Still plotting to take over the world, or at least the local coffee shop. I'll probably be back with pictures in tow following the Chicago Expedition 2007. Until then...

Holy Crap! I'm Tired!

The last four nights have been a royal pain in my ass. First night, I tossed and turned only half slept due to super weird dreams. The night after that, I just stayed awake pretty much all night, staring at the ceiling. The night before last I actually got about 5 hours and was thrilled beyond comprehension. But last night, I tossed and turned again, finally giving up at about 5.

Now, I'm not under any stress...I have been getting exercise to make myself tired...I stop drinking caffeine after noon...I'm not eating anything weird for dinner to keep me up. I don't know what the hell is going on but I'm tired of it. Pun intended. I'm getting to the point where I'm really punchy and a little wobbly and am getting absent minded. Not good. I feel like I'm back in classes already and its finals week...

Older

As some of you may have found out, yesterday was my birthday. I turned 26. I drank champagne all weekend and ate fabulous food and spent time with family and friends. I decided that I liked it so much, I'm continuing the festivities all week with the 4th and then the hoopla surrounding my brother's wedding this weekend. Now, I know that their wedding is their wedding but I'm going to convince myself that it's all part of my birthday. Because I rock.

Sleepy

Last night I slept like crap...I kept having weird dreams that ended with me waking myself up. Then, as I'm having a really really really good dream which I wouldn't mind spending a few hours in, my alarm goes off.

Go $%^#ing figure.

Those abstract things called "goals"

Okay okay, I've decided to grow up a tad. As most of you know, I've been drooling over getting a motorcycle for at least a month now. I've done some thinking and decided that I'm going to put it in my 5 year plan. I'm getting a new place in a month and things like a vacuum or uh, dinner plates sound like a more reasonable use for my money at this point. Now, before my mother starts giving me the "I told you so" look ala psychic connection, I would like to point out that it was not her doing. It was, in fact, the doing of my sister-in-law-to-be's couch. After spending the weekend at her place, I decided that I would have more fun meeting people and going to visit her and my brother and doing similar social activities than I would riding about by myself on a bike. At least for now. The day I can afford to do both will be a fun one. But until then, I'll vacuum my apartment and have a bottle of wine with friends and keep a picture of a tricked out bike on my fridge, just in case I get too grown up...

Busy as hell and loving every minute

Hello! Long time no see!

I know, I know...I've been a little MIA lately. I started a new job a week ago and since then have been a flurry of activity. Add to that my brother is getting married in a couple weeks and there is just no stopping. Let's discuss what you've missed out by my neglect...

At work, we threw our town's first Botox party! No, I didn't get anything done. Haven't you heard? I'm perfect...(yeah right). At any rate, it was a huge success and I had a blast. I love throwing parties, even if they're not really for me. Wine, little tiny finger sandwiches, good music, schmoozing...it's fantastic. AND I got paid for being there! Can't wait for the next one.

Along the lines with my new job, I absolutely LOVE being back. I previously worked for a corporately owned optical company and now I'm back working at an independent boutique. Already, my boss has given me my own design lines to head up and I'm already re-establishing my clientele. It's so good being back. Granted, I do miss the craziness of my old coworkers but I've been able to keep in touch with them and there's no hard feelings. I couldn't be happier with how things have turned out.

Last weekend I was able to hang out with my new sister-in-law-to-be. Beforehand, I've had this impression that she is very sweet, very proper, and very opposite of me. I was wrong. Without going into details, she's a riot to hang out with and I love her to teeny little bits. My brother picked a good one.

I'm still obsessed with motorcycles. Seeing as my new boss is a rockstar, I might be able to get one next month. I'll keep you posted.

My birthday is coming up! It falls in the midst of my brother's wedding extravaganza so I'm not expecting much but I'm hoping I'll be able to scrounge some girls together to do something. It seems like the last few years, my birthday hooplas have always fizzled out due to last minute conflicts and stuff. I could stand for some hoopla. I've always kinda wanted a big blowout with friends but it just doesn't happen. Oh well, if you can't be selfish on your birthday, when can you?

I move out soon! If anyone has any brilliant ideas on how to decorate 12 foot tall walls with a low budget, I'm open to ideas. There's a lot of empty space I'm going to need to fill...along with any other low budget decorating ideas for a supercute loft apartment. Did I mention I can't wait?

Other than that, I've just been filling my spare few minutes with checking my email and drinking heavily. Without the email part. Oh just kidding, any family members that may be reading this. I stick strictly to heroin:) ha.

Monday Scraps

Little bits and pieces...

1) This weekend I actually passed up on gorgeous new shoes because I feel compelled to save money for a motorcycle. SHOES. Gorgeous shoes. Amazing, isn't it?

2) I tried on the bridesmaid dress for my brother's wedding and it's actually really pretty. A pretty bridesmaids dress. Betcha didn't know they existed!

3) Today I start working for my old boss again. I'm looking forward to it. It will be nice getting out of the mall.

4) I might go to a baseball game this week...I adore baseball games. And hot dogs. With relish.

5) Regardless of all the good things, I still feel kinda blah. Go figure.

Bearer of bad news

I hate having to deliver bad news. Someone I care a lot about called me for a favor. They're out of town and away from a computer and asked if I would check and see if they got an email about whether or not they got into the art program they applied to. We both applied to the same program. I had to tell them that they didn't get it, they got their second choice. I hate giving this kind of news so much that right now I'm shaking uncontrollably. There's nothing I can do to comfort my friend. Right before hanging up and pursuing a drunken stupor they asked if I had gotten in. I can't lie to this person. I had to tell them I had. So easily our positions could have been reversed and I know how I would feel. I so wanted to be the bearer of good news. I really did. I wish they knew.

Just my average night on the town

“ I have a friend that would be just perfect for you.”

When spoken, these words are a bright red flag flapping in the breeze. Especially when spoken by some half-drunk guy at the bar. After the initial statement, it’s usually followed by a monologue of the outstanding characteristics of said friend. Last night’s specimen happened to be a bank manager who was well established with his own home and comfortable lifestyle. He was also in the john. Now if you could have seen BankMan’s representative, I’m sure that you would also be chomping at the bit to meet him. Representative was old…like 50ish. He was a closetalker. I kept having to remove his hand from my knee and put it back on the bar. But he sure could compliment a girl up a wall…I was so beautiful, what eyes, what hair, blah blah blah. Seriously. But oh, if he were 10 years younger (why just 10?) he would take real good care of me, take me on trips and I’d never have to work again (gee. And I’d only have a lifetime in hell with an idiot…sign me up!) When BankMan finally made it back from the john, I was ohsopleased to find out who my perfect match happened to be. He was probably in his mid-40s, the proud father of two kids (?!?!), and about 5’4 and balding. Be still my heart. After about 10 minutes of being cornered at the bar, I was saved by a knight in shining armor. Some guy I’ve never met before came up and told me that he’d found the friends we had been waiting for and “let’s go honey, they’re over here”. He said he could see from across the bar how uncomfortable I was…too bad the idiots in front of me were clueless. And even nicer, the Knight didn’t expect anything for saving me! He was just doing a chick a favor! Guys can be so nice sometimes…I’m glad I’m not like this.

* Let the record show that my friend Kadizzle will be severely punished for being late last night and leaving me to fend for myself, if even for a short while.

My father's daughter

Who rocked the crap out of her motorcycle class?

That's right, me.

My instructors said I was a natural and was the best in my class. I got to take the course final first and rocked it out like it was my birthday. I LOVED it. I always liked riding on the back before but to actually be in control was AWESOME. Leaning into turns, weaving in and out of cones, riding through hoops of flame...it was a blast. Okay, I lied about the hoops thing but in my dreams, I'm AMAZING at the hoops. AMAZING.

Consider the motorcycle bug officially caught. I want one so bad I can taste it. It's all I think about. I want to know all there is about them. I want to be able to overhaul the motor, make a custom set of handlebars, and design paintsets. I'm obsessed. It's also more than a little exciting because after years of being around my motorhead dad and brother, I finally understand. There's something really amazing about machines. It's a science and an adrenaline rush all at the same time. I can't put into words how geeked out about this I am right now.

Two things have become amazingly clear:
1) I don't really want to be put on the back again
2) I need to save up some money

Wheeeeeee!

Vroom Vroom

So I'm taking a motorcycle class. For two days, I've sat in the classroom and talked about safety equipment, different types of bikes, and the basics of riding. I'm the youngest in a class of 9 women. It's a BLAST. I would love to get a bike in the near future but I wanted to take this class to be sure I was well-informed. I come from a family of motorheads where it seems the general method of learning is to get on the damn thing and give it a go. I'm more of the practical type.

Tomorrow we get out of the classroom and get to hit the course. After years of being stuck on the back, I finally get to put my own feet on the pegs and go for a spin. I'm excited beyond all comprehension. I'll let you know how it goes...

Stay Tuned

Hi there.

I'm still around.

Sometimes, when I have too much time off, my brain kind of folds in on itself and I just spend a lot of time in my head. It takes a little time to come back.

Gimme a day or two.

And a cup of coffee.

You're a peach.