Quite the Celebration

I went to the wedding yesterday and it was as I thought. Stretches of awkward broken up by bits of godawful. Surprisingly, it was the people I used to be the closest to that were the hardest to be around. Noodles was busy being the bride. Chipmunk was a busy bridesmaid but still fit it into her schedule to be mean. I'd like to think it was because she had been drinking for 6 hours but my feelings were still hurt. I ran into a table of old friends and I swear that every single one of them were pregnant or had just had a kid within the last 3 months. I was shocked. They went around telling me what they had been up to and when they got to me, I had to tell them I was back in school. And single. And still living in the college town. Most of them looked at me with pity. I wanted to scream at how they all looked at me. I wanted to tell them how much effort it took for me to not look at them like that. I found few friendly faces in that table. My friend Holly, who although pregnant as well, was so sweet and supportive. The other was surprisingly an old friend's husband. I got the impression that he was a little overwhelmed at the table of moms and was just happy to have someone to drink with and not talk about diaper genies or swollen ankles.
I only stayed for a couple hours. I've always been touch and go about weddings, even before I got divorced. I usually don't mind the turns my life has taken or the lessons I've learned but these people I once considered my friends have a way of turning that upside down. They look at me in a way and say things that make me feel so little. I haven't really spent any time with them in the past few years and I can see now why. If a few hours can make me feel so miserable, I wonder what I would have been like if I'd have kept in touch. For all I know, I could still be in an empty marriage. Or could be pregnant. Just to avoid those looks. I'll keep my chaos over that hell.
Congratulations, Noodles...