If the fear of touching you weren't so strong, I'd slap you.

My latest job adventure has me working in an optical shop inside a mall (hold all "oohs" and "ahs" til the end, please). While the nonstop people watching has its entertainment value, the entertainment ceases when the freaks decide to break the line and wander into my shop. There is one in particular that regularly crosses this line and I'm reaching my limit of politeness. This one is an older gentleman, appears relatively normal but his history within this mall makes him a disturbing breed of ick. He's been kicked out for stealing women's underwear and the gals at Vicky's filed a complaint against his loitering in the vicinity. After a short-lived disappearance, he's come back. Typically he just roams but once a night he wanders into our store, regardless of who is working. Be it me or my 6'5 male counterpart, he stops to get his glasses cleaned. How dirty can they really be if you're in here every single night, I mean really. Last night I was ready to end it all. He sat down, made himself comfy, and handed me his glasses. I took them to the far opposite side of the store, cleaned them and brought them back to him. If I tell him to "have a nice night" this is his cue to leave and typically he does so somewhat promptly. Last night he decided to be "asleep". I told him a good five times to "have a nice night" until finally he "woke up" and went on his way. If this is his new trick I'm tazering his sorry ass.

Mama, don't let your babies grow up to be creepy fuckers.