Mature, I am not.

Last night I had dinner with my brother and his wife. Since we had a little time before the movie started, my brother wanted to go cruise the car lot for a new ride. As we're walking around, a truck pulls up and the driver yells something at my brother. He ends up knowing the guy and walks over to say hello. I glance over and half-recognize the woman in the passenger side. I start to walk quickly away down the aisle when hear my brother say " Really? Maybe she didn't recognize you...Hey Em!" I glance back and try to keep the annoyance off my face.

"Hi! Oh it is you! Hey Sarah!"

I proceed to have to chitchat with a girl I went to high school with. A girl I went to elementary school with. A girl who was pretty mean to me throughout the majority of those 13 years. I know that I'm supposed to be grown-up and forgive and forget, blah blah blah, but I've noticed something since I've left high school. After I got out of that rumormill and grew out of my awkward geeky freak phase, all those people who were mean to me will go out of their way to talk to me. I had one guy see me at the bar and start hitting on me and I couldn't resist the urge to point out what an ass he was to me in high school. He had turned into a real sleeze anyways. One of the major creeps stopped me in the mall and asked if my last name was my maiden name. I looked him square in the eye and told him no. I had kept my married name after I got divorced so I wasn't technically lying. He looked stunned and said I looked kinda like a girl from high school only skinnier. I resisted the urge to punch him.

I know that it's kind of petty to still want to avoid these people after ten years. I live in my hometown so its a little tough to avoid them completely. I figure I still talk to the ones I liked, why should I have to pretend to be nice to someone who was never nice to me in the past.

As Sarah drove off, I could hear her two kids screaming bloody murder in the back seat of the truck. In the silence afterwards, I was grateful for karma.

another's tragic hours

Last night a friend called my work, crying. She had just found out that her ex-husband and the father of her two kids had been in a motorcycle accident and was in critical condition 8 hours away. She, her daughter, and son in law made the trip down. They got there past midnight. This morning, my boss called to let me know that he had died. After driving that distance, the doctors sat them down, explained all the complications of his injuries and then told them he had died.

My friend's daughter is my age. She just recently had her second child. Although my friend and her ex were separated, they were doting grandparents. He had recently started dating again and my friend seemed fairly glad for him about it.

I don't know if it's just been this spring or if I'm getting older. It seems like this has been a spring full of tragedy, heartbreak, and complication. I have been fortunate to have seen my sister come through all her struggles and is once again herself. Those around me have not been so fortunate. I've tried to be optimistic that others will be just fine but so far, my hopes have been false ones. I really want things to get better for my friend. She's had so many struggles this year and I am almost in disbelief that yet another one is laid on her back. Each time I see her, she is more weary and worn out and I just want for her to enjoy her life. Things have to get better, they just have to. Right?

Generation Gap

I was adjusting an elderly gentleman's glasses at work when he spied my nosering.

"What's your father say about that?"

I kind of chuckled because my dad has a habit of telling me I have a booger on my nose. I'm sure he hates the thing but I'm glad he can crack jokes about it.

"Oh, he's threatened me with pliers a couple times."

"Well good for him. At least that you can take out and it might heal. Those girls with tattoos...they are in for it. Someday they're going to have to explain to their children why they have those marks all over their body."

I was thisclose to telling him I had tattoos and he could take a flying leap. Then I decided I shouldn't give my clients heartattacks.

I hope his granddaughter gets a tattoo.

Grateful

Last night, I met a friend of a friend who has been recently divorced. When she found out I was too, it was like a funny little sigh of recognition passed through both of us. Like me, she had yet to meet anyone in our age group that had been through it. We talked about the stigmas attached to the word and how it changed our perspectives. When she asked about how hard it had been, I realized once again how lucky I have been. Her divorce was started because he had been cheating on her, for who knows how long. They had been highschool sweethearts, together for 10 years, and he had been lying to her. The divorce was messy and painful and once I looked for them, I could see the scars. When I explained my situation she was in awe. That Scarecrow and I had been amicable, wanting the best for each other, it was mind-boggling to her.

Last week was Scarecrow's birthday and I sent him a text, since I figured he was out camping or hiking as it's his favorite thing. While I was reading the response, my older brother asked "Why don't we hate that guy?", half-joking half-confused. It kind of caught me off guard but at the same time, I think he voiced what a lot of people wonder when I talk about my ex-husband. Of course I don't hate him. I've never had a reason to. We had our disagreements but I think we realized the significance of them before we started to resent each other.

Since our separation, he and I have somewhat drifted apart. He lives halfway across the country and we both have pretty full lives now. It's a little sad that we aren't the good friends we used to be but I would think it's only natural. The reason we separated is that we wanted different things and now we're getting them. I don't speak to him as much as I used to but I still want him to know how grateful I am for him. A lot of people might not understand, might think it's strange, but when someone is an important part of helping you realize what you really want in life, you have to appreciate them.

Heavy

Another dragging day. I'm dogsitting a lovely golden retriever but this means staying at someone else's house. I didn't sleep well and was woken up early by thunderstorms and strong rain. More strong rain. I'm tired, am still going through weaning myself off caffiene, and this constant rain is making it feel like fall again...that seasonal affective crap. I could really go for some significant sunshine right about now but the 7-day forecast only has a half day of it scheduled for Saturday. The half that I'm at work.

At least the ducks are happy.