If I need to tackle anyone in my sleep, I'm ready

With the temperature change as of late my body has taken notice in one painfully peculiar way. I've been clenching my jaw tighter than a block of cheese at a surfing contest. Yes, I know that made no sense. The pain is radiating to my brain, I tell you. I pop in now and then to make a conscious effort to unclench. Soon enough tho, the dull ache creeps up and around my head. I only do this when I'm cold. I don't shiver really, I just clench down like a pitbull. Stress, you ask? No no, when I'm stressed, I grind my teeth. Totally different. So in the meantime, while my stupid face is getting used to the season, I've taken to wearing my football mouthguard looking thing. No, this isn't the ginormous, rubbery, brightly colored mouthguard. This is the slim, streamlined, sexy mouthguard.

Trust me on this.