Last night, I met a friend of a friend who has been recently divorced. When she found out I was too, it was like a funny little sigh of recognition passed through both of us. Like me, she had yet to meet anyone in our age group that had been through it. We talked about the stigmas attached to the word and how it changed our perspectives. When she asked about how hard it had been, I realized once again how lucky I have been. Her divorce was started because he had been cheating on her, for who knows how long. They had been highschool sweethearts, together for 10 years, and he had been lying to her. The divorce was messy and painful and once I looked for them, I could see the scars. When I explained my situation she was in awe. That Scarecrow and I had been amicable, wanting the best for each other, it was mind-boggling to her.
Last week was Scarecrow's birthday and I sent him a text, since I figured he was out camping or hiking as it's his favorite thing. While I was reading the response, my older brother asked "Why don't we hate that guy?", half-joking half-confused. It kind of caught me off guard but at the same time, I think he voiced what a lot of people wonder when I talk about my ex-husband. Of course I don't hate him. I've never had a reason to. We had our disagreements but I think we realized the significance of them before we started to resent each other.
Since our separation, he and I have somewhat drifted apart. He lives halfway across the country and we both have pretty full lives now. It's a little sad that we aren't the good friends we used to be but I would think it's only natural. The reason we separated is that we wanted different things and now we're getting them. I don't speak to him as much as I used to but I still want him to know how grateful I am for him. A lot of people might not understand, might think it's strange, but when someone is an important part of helping you realize what you really want in life, you have to appreciate them.
5 comments:
It is never easy, but count yourself as one of the lucky walking wounded. There are some really divorce-damaged people walking around out there.
Speaking from experience, Vin?
Yeah, I'm glad that it turned out this way. He really was a good guy and of course, you are a great girl (woman). It is sad when it doesn't work out but even sadder when it is ended with bitterness and anger. You make me proud...you did it the right way. You are lucky.
As a person who has never been married but seen a lot of marriages end, it is pretty rare to see an amicable split. Ultimately, whether it ends badly or well, that person did change our life. In your case, at least it helped you go towards your goals.
You sound so steady and level-headed about this. I am impressed. I have only seen witnessed one family member go through divorce, but it has left him so torn and angry. We want to help him, but we don't know what to do. Of course, his situation was more like the friend of a friends... so I guess that makes a little difference.
Even though our breakup was pretty emotional, I'm now pretty cordial with my Ex and we e-mail every so often. I don't know if we'll ever be "friends," b/c I think it would be weird for our significant others but there's no animosity. I, too, divorced in my 20s and know of the stigma that you speak of and I also felt a sense of comraderie with anyone that went through something similar. I was pretty frustrated that a lot of my friends acted like it was "no big deal" for me to have gone through such a thing.
Now that I'm in Seattle, I'm finding that many of the people that are single in their 30s are divorces -- more than I expected.
Post a Comment