Throughout my life, I have known there is something that separates me from the general female population. I mean aside from the horns and tail. I don't really have that mothering instinct towards children. They say that women are attuned to hear a child crying. The only attunement I have is to yell "shut that damn thing up". Now granted, every once and awhile I meet a child who seems to be acceptable. They're quiet, well-mannered, quiet...and typically they go home at some point. If every child were that way, I could see the appeal but alas, when they 'go home at some point' it typically means your home if they're yours. That seems like the crappy part of the concept. But on the flip side of the quiet, well-mannered child idea, there seems to be an overabundance of the evil, bratty, loud kids running rampant. Take a half hour ago. I am minding my own business at work (i.e. trying not to fall asleep) when a snot-encrusted creature practically jumps on the counter. It starts speaking in some caffienated language and I'm trying to avoid the chocolate/crumby/mystery flecks that are being flung in my general direction. My first instinct is to grab the lysol and spray the little goober into the next store over but it typically doesn't fly with the parents. Speaking of which...where is the parent? Yeah, no sign of mom/dad/braindead nanny. So I have to watch this little thing, trying to keep the look of horror off my face, and praying that the security guard will walk by so I can pawn this thing off on him. Instead of Incompetant Bob, the Dad of the Year comes around the corner...towing two more of the sticky, gibberish-speaking mutants. He is (of course) all smiles (that idiot) and ohsoproud that little*Insert whatever kind of name you give a kid here* made it to the glasses store all by himself (and not one single run-in with a pedophile!). After Dad translates what alienspawn is speaking, I find out that I get the pleasure of adjusting the glasses of all the little monsters. Did I mention the whole snot-encrusted thing? Yeah...the first thing they needed was a dousing in bleach. So I do my job...adjusting glasses on children is like trying to put a unitard on an epileptic speedfreak with ADHD...and they finally leave. Icky fingerprints on everything, trails of cookie crumbs smashed into the carpet, and my steadfast belief in mandatory sterilzation intact.
Don't even ask me about the rednecks that came in after them...
2 comments:
...and just think...YOU used to be one of those little critters... mwhaa haa haa
I was watching my little girl last night at dance/gymnastics class and had the same thought. Man, other people's kids are not only mis-behaved, but they're annoying and stupid. Oh, and where are THEIR parents? Geesh.
If you're gonna have kids, raise them the way you want them to act. It rocks. You'll spend every free minute with them, but far less time with those other mosters out there.
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