“ I have a friend that would be just perfect for you.”
When spoken, these words are a bright red flag flapping in the breeze. Especially when spoken by some half-drunk guy at the bar. After the initial statement, it’s usually followed by a monologue of the outstanding characteristics of said friend. Last night’s specimen happened to be a bank manager who was well established with his own home and comfortable lifestyle. He was also in the john. Now if you could have seen BankMan’s representative, I’m sure that you would also be chomping at the bit to meet him. Representative was old…like 50ish. He was a closetalker. I kept having to remove his hand from my knee and put it back on the bar. But he sure could compliment a girl up a wall…I was so beautiful, what eyes, what hair, blah blah blah. Seriously. But oh, if he were 10 years younger (why just 10?) he would take real good care of me, take me on trips and I’d never have to work again (gee. And I’d only have a lifetime in hell with an idiot…sign me up!) When BankMan finally made it back from the john, I was ohsopleased to find out who my perfect match happened to be. He was probably in his mid-40s, the proud father of two kids (?!?!), and about 5’4 and balding. Be still my heart. After about 10 minutes of being cornered at the bar, I was saved by a knight in shining armor. Some guy I’ve never met before came up and told me that he’d found the friends we had been waiting for and “let’s go honey, they’re over here”. He said he could see from across the bar how uncomfortable I was…too bad the idiots in front of me were clueless. And even nicer, the Knight didn’t expect anything for saving me! He was just doing a chick a favor! Guys can be so nice sometimes…I’m glad I’m not like this.
* Let the record show that my friend Kadizzle will be severely punished for being late last night and leaving me to fend for myself, if even for a short while.
When spoken, these words are a bright red flag flapping in the breeze. Especially when spoken by some half-drunk guy at the bar. After the initial statement, it’s usually followed by a monologue of the outstanding characteristics of said friend. Last night’s specimen happened to be a bank manager who was well established with his own home and comfortable lifestyle. He was also in the john. Now if you could have seen BankMan’s representative, I’m sure that you would also be chomping at the bit to meet him. Representative was old…like 50ish. He was a closetalker. I kept having to remove his hand from my knee and put it back on the bar. But he sure could compliment a girl up a wall…I was so beautiful, what eyes, what hair, blah blah blah. Seriously. But oh, if he were 10 years younger (why just 10?) he would take real good care of me, take me on trips and I’d never have to work again (gee. And I’d only have a lifetime in hell with an idiot…sign me up!) When BankMan finally made it back from the john, I was ohsopleased to find out who my perfect match happened to be. He was probably in his mid-40s, the proud father of two kids (?!?!), and about 5’4 and balding. Be still my heart. After about 10 minutes of being cornered at the bar, I was saved by a knight in shining armor. Some guy I’ve never met before came up and told me that he’d found the friends we had been waiting for and “let’s go honey, they’re over here”. He said he could see from across the bar how uncomfortable I was…too bad the idiots in front of me were clueless. And even nicer, the Knight didn’t expect anything for saving me! He was just doing a chick a favor! Guys can be so nice sometimes…I’m glad I’m not like this.
* Let the record show that my friend Kadizzle will be severely punished for being late last night and leaving me to fend for myself, if even for a short while.
2 comments:
Is this the point I say, "Thank GOD my daughter has a brain in her head?" ... or... "No matter how much you want a motorcycle, pick love over money" (you know this)... or... I could come up with a hundred other "mom-isms". Let's just say, you make me proud. You got good old fashioned common sense in that pretty lil head of yours. Makes it much easier to know you're "out there" in the world and not having to worry... well, not quite so much. :) Love you.
Just a word of warning; stay away from ALL of my old biker friends and buddies. They will be the first to admit that they are definitely far from a perfect match for anyone human...
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