Life's little soundtrack

A couple days ago, I alluded to an emotional flashback 'thing' that I thought I might talk about. In general, I'm not a real emotional person. I'm not a cryer, don't throw tantrums, and only get into fights if you touch me inappropriately when I've been drinking. I keep a pretty even keel. Last week, the simple act of putting a cd on caught me with a knot in my chest and I was in a fugue state for a little over an hour. The cd was Death Cab for Cutie's 'Plans'. Good cd, yes. As a aforementioned hopeless romantic, it's guaranteed to have an effect on me. Why it caught me so strongly was that I hadn't listened to it for over a year. The last time I had listened to it was on the drive home when I was getting a divorce. It was right after I decided that this was what I needed to do. That he and I have better things waiting for us. It was a strange blend of sadness and optimism. Listening to that cd, everything was brought back to the surface. I could remember each part of the drive, how it made me feel.
Since the divorce, I've been pretty much alone. I gave someone else a shot but when you're wanting something great, it doesn't make sense to settle for okay. I know what it's like to hope for the best but things just aren't there. It's hard, though. I'm pretty much the only one of my friends who is single. I don't really prefer it but it would be a waste of time to just date for the sake of dating. Lately, I've been frustrated and more than a little disheartened. The realist in me keeps piping up that maybe, just maybe that guy doesn't exist and maybe I should just be okay with that. I'm kind of a complicated girl. The hopeless romantic in me keeps telling me to just hold on, that he's out there, that someday I'll look back at my time alone as just time spent wandering toward him. Hopeless, I tell ya.
So then Death Cab comes back along and gives the Hopeless Romantic a little nudge. So shutup you pestering internal Realist. If some dude can write Hopeless Romantic lyrics then maybe there's some dude listening to them. Some dude with me in his future.

If Heaven and Hell decide/That they both are satisfied/Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs/If there's no one beside you/When your soul embarks/Then I'll follow you into the dark/Then I'll follow you into the dark - Death Cab for Cutie, 'I will follow you into the dark'

Weak.

Watched CBS's Moonlight over on the website. The nerd/scifi/hopeless romantic is disappointed. Guess I'll stick to the Twilight books for my vampire love stories.

Were the streetcorner a viable option*...

Since I am a poor college student, one of the ways I support myself is through 'donating' plasma. For money. So it's not really donating. Technically.
Anyways.
From previous experience I have problems when the technician moves the needle. Something about feeling that painful little thing in my arm getting moved around makes my stomach flip and the lights start to go out. They left notes all over my chart that they shouldn't move the needle. So I should be good, right? Well, last time I almost passed out again. This time, they didn't move the needle, I had eaten properly, was well hydrated, everything. There was no good reason as to why. The only thing they could think of was that there was a teensy language barrier between myself and the foreign-born technician and trying to understand the directions made me nervous enough that I almost blacked out. Kinda stupid, eh? So today, I chickened out. I was getting all worked up about going that I figured that regardless of who I was stuck by, I would be passing out, guaranteed. I've decided that I'll give myself a couple days off and go back next week with a healthy optimism about being used as a pin cushion. On the bright side, with my hellacious workload I have this weekend, I'll be saving as much money as I would have made donating with my lack of social life and all.

These little dramas won't exist when I go back to the real working world, will they?

* I'd like to point out that when I asked my mother if she could think of a way for me to make 30 bucks without getting stuck by a needle, THIS was her suggestion. My family is twisted.

Miami Vice

Since the whole sugar drama, I've been considering all the things that I depend on in my daily life. And not necessarily in a good way. When does something you enjoy become a vice? Is it when it starts to affect your life negatively but you continue to do it anyways? I was trying to compile a list in my head of all the things that I might need to quit because they're not bettering my quality of life. It's not very long, in my opinion...

Em's list o' vices:
1) Television - a recent addiction. It's killing my motivation to work out or get anything productive done. If I could function with it just as background noise, it would be fine but I have a hard time focusing. Maybe if they'd come out with more crappy shows and cancel the ones I like...?

2) Stupid relationships - I waste energy expecting things to work out but logically, I know they won't. Logically, I know that I haven't met "the guy" and logically I think I'm okay being alone. Too bad some parts of me are less than logical.

3) Coffee - I'm not sure if this is a vice. I rely on it daily, love it to bits, but am curious if it's causing any major negative effects. My heart doesn't have abnormal rhythms and I sleep okay so I'm hoping that Coffee and I are on good terms

4) Perfectionism - ohhhh yeah. This bad boy kills me. I love getting eveything done just so. I love getting a perfect grade on an exam AND being the first one to finish it. Sometimes I love being perceived as an Ice Queen because it also implies that I'm striving for perfection, emotional distance, inhuman capabilities. It's amazing that I don't have an eating disorder and some other complex. Aside from the sugar addiction, this is the other vice I'm attempting to kill off toot sweet.

What other things do you think are vices?

Owie

Okay, so Full Day Number Two of the Reduced Sugar Effort 2007. My head hurts. I'm not sure if it's stress from an insanely hectic workload or if it's the withdrawl. Anyone who has cut back, your opinions please. I'm sure in the end it will be worth it but I'm craving hardcore but managed to choke down an entire Diet Pepsi, gagging only 3 times.
Add on top of the headaches some super fantastic dreams and a strange emotional flashback I may describe in a couple days and its been a fun week!
Tonight I'm cooking scallops in honor of the Top Chef Finale.
Consider yourself updated.

Sugar, we need to talk.

Okay, so this week I might be a little grumpy. I'm attempting (once again) to cut down on my sugar intake. I have done well in the past but I always have some relapse and then find myself downing a danish covered in icing with a heavily sugared coffee. There are many reasons I want to cut back. The primary reason is my parents. Although neither one of them is overweight, they both have ended up with Type 2 Diabetes. Growing up, our family consumed unnatural amounts of soft drinks. I've become quite attached and even though I've tried, I hate the taste of diet pop. At any rate, with my family history and my tendency to prefer sugary things, I have this fear of developing diabetes myself. The other reasons are more on the superficial side. I can tell when I go on sugar benders, my skin has a meltdown. It looks dull and blotchy and then I get breakouts on top of it. Then of course is the dental aspect. I've never had a cavity but with all the crap I eat, I get the feeling that those days are limited.
Now, I'm not gonna go cold turkey. Maybe on pop I will but sugar in general, I'm going to just try and wean myself off it. Hopefully it will go a little smoother. Hopefully. Bear with me people, this could get ugly.

Don't make me bitchslap you with your own monitor.

I know I've ranted about customer service just recently. Tonight, I had another epidsode. I went with a couple friends as they picked up a bridesmaid dress. It was at that 'chain' bridal shop...that one you'll supposedly love. yeah. Anyways, Associate looks up friends name on computer. It isn't there. Looks up bride's name. Isn't there. The dress must not be in. My friend was called and told that it was in. Enter Manager. She looks at the computer and comes to the same conclusion, its not in the computer, the dress must not be in. My friend is super nice and was trying not to make a big deal out of it. I, on the other hand, am completely comfortable making a deal of it. We drove an hour, after being called. I wander up to the counter...

Em: "Can't you just go look in the back and see if you can find the dress? Its a red dress, all by itself...how many red bridesmaid dresses do you have all by themselves in the back?"

Manager: " Do you know how much work that is?(ironically yes, I've worked in a bridal shop although I didn't point that out to her) To look in the back would be alot of hard work."

Em: " How hard can it really be to just go look?"

Manager: "That's like, A through Z."

*blink blink*

Manager: " I'm sorry, we'll just have to find something off the rack for her to wear."

She wanders off to look through the floor models...that are covered in deodorant and have tattered hems. They don't have her size, I already looked. I'm waiting for the Manager to come back empty handed and as she rounds the corner I have a brilliant idea.

Em: " You guys obviously called my friend. Can't you just search your computer based on the phone number?"

Manager: "That might work...I guess."

She taps away and then asks my friend if the bride has a sister. They had the last name in the computer right but had royally botched her first name...from Sarah to Ashley. Odd, how someone with the same last name bought the SAME SINGLE RED DRESS IN THE SAME SIZE which you COULD SEE FROM THE MAIN PAGE THEY ALREADY LOOKED AT. It was just frustrating. I can understand that its maybe lost in the computer but why can't they just look in the back? That is not hard work. Seriously. Grouchy Customer Service people, Lose the attitude!

I promise I'm done ranting about retail associates for at least another good week or two...

Oh thank god you're back

Since June, I've been back working at an optical shop I used to work at a few years ago. It's felt a lot like coming home. I love where I work and I'm good at what I do. Part of what makes it so nice is who I work with. My boss and I just get along. We have similar personalities and similar habits. We think alike and are at the point where things are done efficiently.

Until he leaves town and I get a temporary replacement.

He visited his son out in Colorado for a week and in his stead, I worked with a guy from our optical lab. Very nice, very polite, worked hard...but it wasn't the same. Things were boogered up, customers were getting told wrong information, and I didn't know what he was doing with certain orders. I couldn't follow his thought process. It drove me bonkers. Then on top, I think he questioned what I knew about my job. He was always offering to do things for me, things I've been doing for 6 years and am pretty comfortable with. I tried to get my point across politely but he wasn't listening. It got frustrating.

Today, my boss returned. I was so overjoyed when I came into work and the counter was clear. There weren't stacks of jobs with question marks all over them. The piles of things I normally leave for myself were still there (he knows to leave them alone), the other piles of things he takes care of were done and the routine was reestablished. I can't stress how great it is to be able to work with someone who A) knows what the hell they're doing, B) understands that you know what the hell you're doing, and C) is a good friend. Makes it nice to come to work everyday.

Tagged...

So I've been tagged by Modo to give my middle name and then for each letter give something that's relevant to my life. Seems simple enough...

E - Eager to learn new things.

L - Lazy. I don't really play sports or do much that's active.

A - Anal-retentive about my work. I can't help it, I'm neurotic.

I - Innocent. hehe.

N - Not always honest.

E - Entertaining. Sometimes I like being the center of attention.


So there you have it. I'm going to resist tagging people because, uh, I'm just not. See "L" above.

Healthy dose of skepticism

For the last couple of days, I've been studying for an art history exam that I have this week. As I've been doing so, I'm getting increasingly frustrated. We're talking about prehistoric through Egyptian art in this section. I'm frustrated because it seems that both my textbook author and my instructor make definitive statements without the evidence to back it up. Now, I've got a background in Archaeology. I prefer to look at all the evidence but even after doing so, I prefer not to make definitive statements about what happened. There's too many variables. Statements like "The figures in the cave painting must be women because they're wearing skirts and holding hands" or " Cave paintings were only done inside because they were sheltered spaces that the individuals can return to" piss me off*. You can't ascribe current fashion trends (skirts) to a prehistoric culture...later art from Persia indicates men also wore skirts. And cave painting might have been the only thing to withstand the test of time, the absence of evidence does not mean that prehistoric cultures didn't create art outdoors, it just means it may have been destroyed.
Now, I'm glad that this kind of thing annoys me. I'm amazed at how my classmates just blindly accept whats being given to them. A friend of mine in the same class was telling me the other day how now she's rethinking everything after I went into a tangent about the archaeological record. My main concerns are A) why don't my fellow students question more and B) why do professors get away with incomplete teaching? If these people are used to this kind of thing in just their classes, what must they be like in the real world? It's more than a little dismal to think about...
*I know I promised to write about more happy topics but this sort of thing really concerns me...

Boxed sets are my friend

I've lately become more addicted to the boxed set DVDs of tv shows. It started last year when Ma and I went through the first two seasons of Lost. I still haven't actually watched an episode on tv, so don't ruin it for me.
Last week while I was sick, I watched the entire season of Heroes. Love love LOVED it. Can't wait for it to come back although I'm curious where they're going to go with it.
And yesterday, while working on an art project, I spent the entire day engrossed in Firefly and then Serenity. I really enjoyed it, although I can see how it would be hard to carry the storyline much further.
Now, I'm in a bit of withdrawl. I like the idea of not having to wait a week until I get the updated episode. Its like watching a 12 hour movie. It's great! But now I don't know what to watch...

auditory paranoia

One of my biggest pet peeves of ALL TIME is when my classmates' cell phones start ringing during class. Or during movies. Or during anytime. Something about a ringing cell phone reminds me of an alarm clock (perhaps the fact that I use mine as one) so the sound raises my hackles instantly. In order to curb my personal desire to chuck my cell phone out the nearest window, I have had mine set on vibrate for awhile (it still rings audibly when I get up at the buttcrack of dawn). Now, in theory, having a cell phone on vibrate makes sense. Or it would if you didn't have super sensitive freaky good hearing, like myself. Typically, I can hear the little bugger buzzing across the room (with the exception of when my mother is calling, selective hearing I guess. jk, ma). Now, I've noticed that I'm tuned into every little buzzing thing wherever I go. Your tv have a lowtone buzz? I'm going to try and answer it. The space heater in your office making a humming noise? Maybe its someone calling. It's beginning to drive me a little bonkers. I need to find a cell phone that alternates quiet little noises but none of them sound like an alarm clock. Cell phone manufacturers, I'm talking to you.

A reason to be happy...when I'm hacking my lungs out

Reading over my last few posts, I realized that I've been a major downer lately. It's so much easier to complain on this thing than be happy about stuff. So even though things aren't ideal right now, I'd like to say that I'm thrilled that it's turning Fall. THRILLED. It's chilly out this morning, the leaves are starting to get the slightest bit of yellow in them, and you can tell that the light is just different. It makes me excited. I think Fall is probably my favorite season. Granted, everything is going dormant but I love the smells, the colors, and the clothes associated with it. Everyone dresses classier in the fall...

I need to go shopping:)

Impending doom

So I'm still sick.
I have a project due tomorrow. Haven't started yet cuz I've been sick.
I have 2 drawings due tomorrow. Haven't started yet cuz I've been sick.
I have an Exam on Friday. Haven't studied...guess why.
I have a paper due on Friday. It's a short one, but yeah. Haven't started.
I have a BIG project due on Monday. I'm behind on it.
I have a Quiz next Tuesday. Haven't studied.

The perfectionist in me is hyperventilating.
The ill person in me wants to sleep til the disease is gone.
The me that lies somewhere in between keeps chanting "c's get degrees".

So begins the Season of Stress...

I have some good news and some bad news...

First the good news...
Thanks to everyone who contributed to the Wok-a-thon! I have a stack of recipes printed off and am ready to get cookin:) An extra little thanks to Ma...she must know I have limited readership (not that I don't love all Four of you). Perhaps in a future post, I'll pick a Grand StirFry Winner and award some Fabulous Prize (not a car).

Now the bad news...
I'm sick. Achy, congested, all over icky...sick. I'm not one to call in to work or skip class but I've decided that this was worth it. I'm hoping that this is it for the semester because I've used my Get out of Jail Free cards on my classes. *As a side note, how come the classes I pay for have mandatory attendance. If I'm paying for them, and I still get the work done, how come I can only miss one class a semester? Just a thought... So, thank heaven for kleenexes with lotion and super fun cold medicine.

Wok assistance

Recently, I purchased a wok in hopes of making some killer stir fry. A friend of mine has a super fantastic teriyaki recipe but upon request, said friend decided it was a family secret and won't divulge. So, few readers, I look to you. Anyone have any amazing recipes for things I can make in a wok? I'm always hesitant to try new internet recipes just because I don't want to spend the money on ingredients that Bobby Jo from Newport says are good. At any rate, if you've got em, hook me up! I'll also take any other recipes if you have 'em (no Balut, Modo...barf).

My chopsticks are waiting...

Tired

That about sums it up. Even though this week was a day shorter, it kicked my ass. I'm just worn out. Yesterday I caught myself at work daydreaming about getting a massage and then reality kicked in and I realized I have no time for it. This weekend, I'm aspiring to get alot of things done, even with working my butt off I have catching up to do for my projects. I think its just hitting me how much work these classes are. I kinda forgot over the summer.

Thank god for coffee.

and pizza.

Dear Freshman Walking with Your IPod,

You made eye contact when you were still on the sidewalk.

You hesitated.

When I'm behind the wheel, your hesitation is an open invitation for me to gun it before you can make your way in front of my car. Because when you walk in front of my car, the 57 other little freshman behind you with their Ipods will too. So next time, don't roll your eyes at me. I'll run you down and make your little green IPod my new hood ornament.

Consider yourself warned.

Can I help you?

This weekend was an amazing adventure in how crappy customer service has gotten. Ma and I ventured to the big city to run some random errands and the minute we crossed the threshold, things went downhill.

- First stop, a semi-well known restaurant for lunch. It wasn’t fast food but it sure felt like it. We were eating right after the place opened and there were hardly any people in the place yet our table was filthy. Like, patches of sticky sprinkled with pepper. Ma’s silverware had some miscellaneous sauce crusted to the outside of the napkin. I would have made it a point with the waitress but she was sprinting so fast that I didn’t have time to bean her with the dirty silverware. Aside from the grossness, the speed was a bit excessive. About 10 seconds after getting our drinks, my salad was delivered. Three bites in, our entrees came. Had I not stopped eating my salad in the middle because I didn’t want my entrée to get cold, I would have still been munching on lettuce by the time the check/dessert menu arrived. Sometimes speed is nice but I don’t think getting in and out of a sit-down style restaurant should be done in 20 minutes.
- Next we had to make a stop at a popular cosmetics counter. The staff was the typical level of labcoat friendly but I was put off when I saw the sales goal posted right by the register. Now, I know that these kinds of things exist. I just think that seeing a neon sign saying “$8100 – Make it Happen” with a pie chart right in plain sight is in poor taste. When I brought it to the attention of one of the lab coats, she just rolled her eyes and went back to the conversation she was having with another labcoat. At least pretend like you’re going to do something about it. Not planning on giving them any more business…
- After having a day full of a general lack of customer service (with the exception of the the lady at White House/Black Market…but when things are that expensive, they better be helpful) we went to soothe our frazzled nerves with Cheesecake. AGAIN, the tables were filthy. Not quite as bad as the other place but my arms still stuck to the table and you could see rings from glasses. When my coffee came, I was again grossed out. The Factory uses clear glass coffee cups and mine had obvious streaks and watermarks from the washer. There were also a couple little specks of godknowswhat. If you’re going to have clear glasses, you should probably make sure they stay clear. Gross.

Now, most things I tend to overlook. But poor customer service drives me nuts. In my line of work, I go out of my way to make things perfect for people. Even when I worked for the petstore, I worked my hardest to give the best service and make the experience pleasant for the consumer. Is it just me or do people just not care anymore? It’s frustrating because even if you complain, nothing happens. Is the general work ethic in the service industries slipping? I hate to think that it can get much worse…

Perpetually MIA

Yeah yeah yeah, I know I've been missing lately. Since classes started I've been more than I little busy. Some of whats been occupying my time:

- Studios...on fonts. I love my major but I had to buy 8 books for this one class and 7/8 were entire books on fonts. The eighth book was on the color wheel. I hope I appreciate this class later because right now its an 8 am annoyance.

- Cleaning. Okay, I was worried before moving that my slobbishness would be a major downer at my beautiful new place. I've taken it to the other extreme. I think I'm almost OCD about keeping this place nice. I love it. Its a whole new side of me. Borderline scary but at least my straight jacket will be spotless and beautifully ironed.

- Top Chef. I shit you not. They've been running marathons and I'm officially hooked. I know nothing about food but it makes me want to. That and Tom Colicchio is dreamy. Ironically, I found out that Ma was also getting hooked on the show. If that isn't one more piece of evidence for our bizarre psychic connection, I don't know what is. But she's married, so she can't have Chef Colicchio. I win. Sorta.

- Friends! After a slow start last year, I've been able to make some great friends and I now have a pretty decent social life. They even accept the fact that I'm that sarcastic chick. I keep 'em laughing. Never a dull moment.

So that's whats the dealyo. Hopefully, I'll remember to write more. Hopefully I'll have more entertaining things to write about than fonts...