A couple days ago, I alluded to an emotional flashback 'thing' that I thought I might talk about. In general, I'm not a real emotional person. I'm not a cryer, don't throw tantrums, and only get into fights if you touch me inappropriately when I've been drinking. I keep a pretty even keel. Last week, the simple act of putting a cd on caught me with a knot in my chest and I was in a fugue state for a little over an hour. The cd was Death Cab for Cutie's 'Plans'. Good cd, yes. As a aforementioned hopeless romantic, it's guaranteed to have an effect on me. Why it caught me so strongly was that I hadn't listened to it for over a year. The last time I had listened to it was on the drive home when I was getting a divorce. It was right after I decided that this was what I needed to do. That he and I have better things waiting for us. It was a strange blend of sadness and optimism. Listening to that cd, everything was brought back to the surface. I could remember each part of the drive, how it made me feel.
Since the divorce, I've been pretty much alone. I gave someone else a shot but when you're wanting something great, it doesn't make sense to settle for okay. I know what it's like to hope for the best but things just aren't there. It's hard, though. I'm pretty much the only one of my friends who is single. I don't really prefer it but it would be a waste of time to just date for the sake of dating. Lately, I've been frustrated and more than a little disheartened. The realist in me keeps piping up that maybe, just maybe that guy doesn't exist and maybe I should just be okay with that. I'm kind of a complicated girl. The hopeless romantic in me keeps telling me to just hold on, that he's out there, that someday I'll look back at my time alone as just time spent wandering toward him. Hopeless, I tell ya.
So then Death Cab comes back along and gives the Hopeless Romantic a little nudge. So shutup you pestering internal Realist. If some dude can write Hopeless Romantic lyrics then maybe there's some dude listening to them. Some dude with me in his future.
If Heaven and Hell decide/That they both are satisfied/Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs/If there's no one beside you/When your soul embarks/Then I'll follow you into the dark/Then I'll follow you into the dark - Death Cab for Cutie, 'I will follow you into the dark'
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7 comments:
don't give up hope. he's out there. settling is just not an option. :)
Sizzle said it better than I could. He's out there. I know it...and you ARE worth the wait. (I'm not just saying that because I'm biased, either.)
But you shed not a single tear for the things that you didn't need
Cause you knew you were finally free- Your Heart Is An Empty Room
I was also divorced in my 20s and after six years, I haven't remarried yet. It is sometimes tough to be single, but then I'd remember how miserable I was in the wrong relationship and now that I've found a good guy, it's so much better being in the right one (and well worth the wait).
Everytime I'd get in those moods, I'd pop in one of my sappy chick flicks. I'm even more of a sucker for period pieces like Shakespeare in Love or the Jane Austen films.
You know why they call us hopeless romantics, right?
Because we haven't yet met the person who's got our hope. It's not that we have no future in the romantic world. It's just that said future hasn't found us yet.
Also, that song makes me cry. A lot.
http://youtube.com/watch?v=sfBw0IWwO5U
Must. Not. Cry...
Oh wow Shafa, that video reminded me alot of Watership Down. I love that story.
Watership Down scares me. A lot.
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