EEK!!!

Last week I popped into my apartment manager's office to ask about subleasing. They didn't seem like it was realistic so I asked that they just put my apartment out there and see what happens. After all the problems with noise on my floor and then the astronomical electric bill I got the other day, I was willing to see what would happen.

Today, I got the call. Someone just happened to want a one bedroom in my building. All is superduper except they want to move in on the first. Of January. As in, like, next Tuesday.

I've spent the last two hours running around like a crazy person. I tracked down my new roommate and told her, arranged a moving company, rescheduled my work hours, signed papers, and cancelled my electric. To say I'm freaking out would be an understatement. Most of me is glad its happening...I'll be able to save a huge amount of money splitting rent and bills as well as I'll be able to have my dog come live with me. I'm also a little bummed though. I like having my own space and I really love my apartment, just not my neighbors. I'm sure things will be fine, everything is just hitting me all at once.

Don't even get me started on all the packing I need to get done. And I thought I was having a hard time sleeping before all this came up...

whew

I'm glad christmas is over.

Don't get me wrong, it was good to see everyone. This year was just one of those years where the holiday was putting me in a funk. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm just getting older where it doesn't seem as magical as it used to (as corny as that sounds). At any rate, we're on to the remainder of the holiday-a-thon...ending with St. Patrick's Day? Perhaps I can scrounge up some magicalness by New Years.

Hope you all had a fun holiday:)

Staples was all out of giant neon signs

If the sign on the door says we close at 5:30, please don't keep walking in until 7. Yes, I know there are tons of people in the store. Yes, I know we look open. Yes, I am the only one working.
No, you have no right to be pissed off because you have to wait 20 minutes because you're here after hours and I'm nice enough to still help you.

and then I laughed at myself

I've talked before how I have struggled with being a perfectionist in the past. I determined a month or so ago to try and let it go. This has done wonders for my stress level and last night I hit a new milestone of non-perfectionism.

I have stage fright. Not because I'm scared of being in front of people...I'm scared of making mistakes in front of people. I hate speeches, presentations, and most of all...singing.

Don't get me wrong, I have a pretty decent voice. That's the problem. I want it to be perfect. So it doesn't matter the audience: the judges at choral contests, the audience at high school concerts, the rest of the choir at church, or even singing to the radio in the car with friends...I don't like doing it. Until last night...for once, I didn't feel the slightest twinge of fear. Friends and I were playing the ohsofun RockBand and when a fourth person came over, someone had to do vocals for us all to play together. No one else would do it. So I figured what the hell, I could just hum along and it would still work. I ended up singing my heart out, half the time off key and squeaky (Have YOU ever tried to sing Ballroom Blitz? I rest my case) and I HAD A BLAST. I didn't care that I was terrible. It was so much fun! Afterwards, everyone started singing and we were ALL godawful! Granted, if I had to sing in front of an audience and do something professionally, I would probably practice my heart out but I've determined that it really doesn't matter. Who cares if you totally botch something? It's not the end of the world. You may give someone else a chuckle or inspire them to equally botch something else.

In semi-related news, I got my grades today and I got straight As...with the exception of a B in that class I decided I was okay being less than perfect at. I love my B.

Contrary to popular belief

Even though I've been on break for about a week, I've gone somewhat missing from the blogworld. It happens. Seems like when I'm not going a bazillion miles an hour I forget to schedule in blogtime. As a proof of life, I'm here! *waving*

As is typical when I have more than ten minutes to myself I tend to sink into my own brain and wander about. I think about all sorts of things that may make more than interesting blog posts. Alas, I'll admit I'm not quite ready for that kind of vulnerability. I'm not entirely sure who I'm more concerned about...strangers who stop by or those I know in real life that might end up knowing more than they'd really like. Regardless, for now I'll stick to the little bits of dryer lint that are my posts. Maybe as I keep thinking these things over, they won't seem so bizarre to put out in the world. Who knows.

Hope you all are doing well... enjoying all there is to enjoy about this time of year (ice storms not included).

apparently I'm dumber when school's out

So I'm making my way through the pasta salad that came with my lunch. There's this funny taste to it that I just can' t pin down what it is. It's really kinda nasty though. It's a weird chemically taste. After a few minutes, I realize that I'm still eating this really nasty salad for no good reason than to figure out what the hell that disgusting taste is. I decide to skip the last three bites.

That was probably what botulism tastes like. I'll keep you posted.

Nevermind the bags under my eyes...

I'M DONE!!!

The last project has been turned in, the last final knocked out of the park, and all is right in the world. I was so excited to be done with my last test I practically skipped to the front. The instructor actually stopped me and asked if it were too easy since I only took about 5 minutes to finish it and was OVERJOYOUS. I smiled and shook my head no. It took every fiber of my being to keep my whooping to a minimum when I got out of the building. I only moderately startled another student. She was obviously not done or she would have understood.

HOORAY!

Split post: "All I want for Christmas" and "Tis the season"

All I want for Christmas - The Millionaire's version

After dealing with techincal restrictions on projects the last couple days, I'm wanting to rent a GeekSquader for a week. Actually, I'll rent Chuck even though I know he only plays a NerdHerder on tv. He's dreamy. Anyhoo, my Craptop couldn't handle my image files for my latest project (Open file = Freeze screen of death) and nothing the on-campus tech help people did made it work. They were completely baffled. They loaded just fine on the lab computers, my instructors computer, my friends computer. Of course, they're all macs. Damnation. As a PC user in a department full of Macsters, I'm hoping that isn't the problem. If I have to use the lab for the rest of my college career, I may be a bit disheartened. I may have to appease my uber-computer lust with a scanner. At least I could stop driving all over town to use one of those...

Tis the Season - The Pessimist's version

WTH is up with this time of year? I know that people are probably just more sensitized to it, we expect that life should be nothing but sunshine since its the holidays, but why is there so much going wrong lately? People I know have loved ones who are dying, people are finding out about terminal illnesses, there are accidents galore, and now a mall shooting?! It's more than a little depressing. Perhaps I'm just at the age where I hear more about things like this but I can't stand it. I want two weeks of nothing but peace on earth, good will towards men, and nothing of greater pain than a papercut happens to anyone I know or remotely know. Enough with the bah humbug.

Monday miscellany

Hello! How're you? Me? Well...

- Got hit with an ice storm this weekend. After leaving early on work on Saturday, I stayed indoors the rest of the weekend. Good news? There was a fantastic batch of chili involved. Bad news? All my projects I needed to work on were rendered comatose seeing as my laptop couldn't handle the file size without freezing up and I couldn't make it to the campus computer labs.

- I am hopelessly behind and yet somehow optimistic. Just a few...days...left. I can make it. Hopefully.

- After talking to some friends this weekend about their horrible issues with the opposite sex (psychotic people who just won't go away, a pending potential pregnancy scare) I've decided that I'm ohhhh so glad I'm single. For now. After I go visit Sizzle's page and find out what she's been up to, I might change my mind.

- Christmas is just around the corner! I have done no shopping whatsoever. I'm a last-minute kinda gal. What do I want, you ask? I want the university to give my tuition back. In the likelihood that such an event will never happen, I'll settle for a box of Warm. If such a thing exists. brrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Happy Monday!

slowly but surely

Ever feel like you're way behind on things but you're just overwhelmed and don't know where to start so you'd rather just curl up in bed and hide under the covers and just sleep for a week and pretend like it will all go away?

I wish they made an IV version of coffee.

He may have a point

Yesterday, I was talking to a friend of mine how about how I always seem to get sick when I have deadlines or important things to get done. He determined I'm allergic to reality and that I should be forced to go live on a beach somewhere, for my own health of course. Oh if only.

No sense of timing

I'm sick. AGAIN.

Started feeling shaky before bed but just thought I was tired. Spent the rest of the night as no one wants to. I have so much to do, we're in the last couple weeks of school. I'm hoping this thing just blows over quick so I can get back to being stressed out and psychotic.

Damnit.

Black Friday

Since moving back, Black Friday has a whole new joyous gleam. I used to work for a Big Box PetStore as a manager. Black Friday meant getting into the store at 3 am and then having to put up with elderly rich women having me do all their shopping for their Fifis. One gave me a handful of tags and told me these were all the items she would like to purchase and would I be so kind to go gather them for her. Another took an hour of my time trying to find the right outfit that would set off Mr. Fluffy's eye and fur color. Yet another had me follow her around the store with a cart as she picked out her items. One wanted me to do all the running around the store for her while she gave me her list over the phone. My boss said I could draw the line on that one.

Today, I came into work at 9. So far, there has been one person in for an adjustment after a grandkid mangled his glasses. That's pretty much all I'll be doing today. Adjusting glasses and hearing about what fun was had when families got together. I get to leave at 3.

I salute you poor retail workers that had to be at work even at midnight last night. I sympathize that you're going to have a day from hell and you'll be lucky if your store springs for lunch (even if its an effort to keep you in the store all day, poor Lowe's people). I pat you on the back, managers, who don't want to be there as much if not more than the associates and are going to take the brunt of everyone's wrath. Working in retail can really suck on this dark day but please, please keep a smile on your face. Do your damndest to do a good and honest job. Even when people start fist-fighting over the last discounted DVD player, remember that someday even you can escape and work at a job where you get to leave at 3 pm after having sipped coffee and done sudoku puzzles all day.

Muahahahaha!

15 Things I'm Thankful For

1) My family - the immediate one and those who married into it

2) My friends - the ones who get that I'm not the easiest person to be friends with

3) My dog

4) Health - Asthma and allergies are nothing in the grand scheme

5) My job - Life is nicer when you don't dread going to work

6) My town - not too big, not too small, not too many serial killers

7) My country - and those who fought/fight to keep it this way

8) My Ex - Couldn't have had a life-altering lesson in priorities without him

9) Coffee

10) My twisted sense of humor - I can't imagine how sad life would be without it

11) High heels

12) The good days

13) The bad days

14) Aging and growing up - There's something really great about it

15) All the life lessons I get on a daily basis, not always fun but always important

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!

If you're gonna fall off the wagon, fall hard

Yesterday, I took a break from my no-sugar-ness and had a ginormous piece of chocolate cake. For supper, I had half a box of fruit loops. This morning, I have discovered there is such a thing as a sugar hangover. Bleh.

Monday scraps

- Put up Christmas decorations at work yesterday. It's a little early for my taste (working in big box retail ruined me for early holiday celebration) but I think I can manage. Might even try and scrounge something up for my apartment.

- After putting lights up in the metalwork of the ceiling, I've got what feels like the beginning of a headcold. I'm hoping its just the dust clearing out of my system.

- I didn't get much sleep last night and it feels like there's sand in my eyes. I work for an eyedoctor. We don't have a single bottle of eyedrops in the joint. The irony is not lost on me.

- We are out of coffee. Not good.

- My truck is making death noises. My little (not so little, actually) brother agreed to look at it this morning. I appreciate the hell outta that guy. Wish I wasn't such a jerk to him when we were kids.

- My dad just made a sappy face when he read that last one.

- Now he's laughing at me.

- Now I have to get back to processing Medicare claim forms. This is akin to having your brain removed through your ears or your hair ripped out strand at a time. Did I mention we're out of coffee? It's gonna be a grouchy one.

In a parallel universe...

As I've stated before, my family is an odd one. We're not scary or anything, we're just special. We have a twisted sense of humor and I've never really met another family like us.

Until yesterday.

I have two friends who are sisters. I call them twins* because they're very similar but they're about 4 years apart. I get along with them fantastically which is rare...I usually get along better with guys but these two are fun. At any rate, their mom is in town this weekend so they invited me out to meet her. It was surreal. When they all got together, it was like being at my own dinner table. There were smartassed remarks as well as candid talk about hard times. The twins have been my friends for a while but by the end of the night I felt like I'd known them forever. Something about seeing a family interact puts a person into perspective. It was really fun to be a part of it. I know my family can be a little overwhelming but I hope when people see us, they get the same sense that we're good people.


*one of the twins looks just like Sizzle...it's uncanny.

TGIT

In my family, the term "Stress Management Meeting" has a vivid definition. It usually involves my dad, beer, lawn chairs, and a random batch of locals hanging out and bullshitting. This year, I've been blessed with my own version. Every Tuesday night, whoever can make it shows up at a local chicken wing place and we get a couple hours to drink beer, eat cheap food, catch up and relax. As the semester has progressed, I've realized I really look forward to it. I never pegged myself for being one to have a weekly hangout but it's fantastic, I recommend it strongly.
How's about y'all? Any superfun friend get-togethers?

Why I don't make friends

Drunk obnoxious guy whose been hitting on a friend of mine: "Hey you, Red! What're you drinkin'?"

Me: "It's a Drunk Idiot Stumper!"

D.O.G...: "A wha?"

Me: "Exactly. Now move along, son."

Asking for miracles

Saw two missionaries trying to talk to college students on their way to the bars. Good luck, boys.

An experimental month

I've decided that November is IT. The month where I'm going out on a limb and trying to implement some things that might further better my quality of life. After last month's exercise in cutting back sugar, I think I can do anything.

Things on the list:

- Even MORE vegetables: after the Wok Challenge a while back, I'm trying more of them. I'll take any suggestions you may have. I'm very sheltered when it comes to eating veggies. They scare me.

- Watching my budget: the previous trend of just doing what I want and hoping it all works out just doesn't work. I'm actually going to cut back this month and see what kind of impact it makes. It might/will definitely suck but this is a learning exercise. I can do it.

- Cutting back on TV: I think it's started to affect my quality of sleep and that ain't cool. Gonna have to start reading again before bed.

- I wanna be more flexible. I can't keep blaming the fact that I can't touch my toes on my height. Aside from a yoga class that will cost aforementioned strapped money, does anyone have any ideas?

I think that's it for now...Can't go changing the whole world, ya know.

It's a conspiracy

Mkay, we've talked about this. We've established that creepy toy stores are the edificial equivalent of clowns. So why, oh why, did some genius come up with THIS? Natalie dear, you've been one of my faves but this betrayal will not go unnoticed.

contemplating perfection

One of the things I feel like I talk about alot is my desire for perfection. I look for it constantly in myself and have occasionally tried to impose it on my relationships. After talking with other people who struggle with the same thing, it's interesting on how it comes about.
I can tell you where I get it from. Growing up, I was awkward and eccentric. I never felt entirely comfortable in my skin or my personality (but who doesn't, really). I remember going to a class one morning during my senior year and the teacher said something that changed how I perceived myself. She said that there was just something about me, I didn't act like the other kids, I acted like royalty but not in a pompous way. She thought of Princess Diana every time I walked into a room. Needless to say, it caught me completely off-guard. I disagree with the royalty part but it still gave me a boost. I didn't feel quite as awkward and took a little more pride in my accomplishments. But with each accomplishment, I was convinced I could do better. I'm not one of those prodigy-like talents for academics but I've always thought that if you work harder you can make yourself smarter. Someone's brain is their greatest asset. Since that transition in my senior year, it's become my addiction to make myself smarter. Every exam is a competition...I always want to be the first to finish and in the top 3 percent. My friends make fun of me because I'm usually twitching with anticipation before exams, I never played sports but I can imagine that's kind of what it's like before a game. Every project is an exercise in wanting to be better than everyone else. Every conversation, even, is a chance to learn something or teach something.
After these years, perfection and I have had a bumpy relationship. Sometimes, it's what pushes me to do a good job. Other times, it pushes me to the edge where I just can't take it any more. Briefly, perfection took a toll on my body when I had people telling me that I could be a model...if I managed to lose weight. I was young and stupid and perfection convinced me that a size 3 was completely reasonable for someone who is 5'10 (as my mother would say, I'm much better now). Perfection has dictated whether or not I'd give a guy a chance. The most infamous rejection I can recall was due to his uneven eyebrows. Granted, it's also saved me from the guys that weren't right for me in the least even though they looked great on paper.
Very recently, I've started to relinquish a little bit of my perfectionist tendencies. I've had a class that I just can't beat and I've decided that my happiness is not worth being obsessed with it. I've felt surprisingly better since. Ironically, my perfectionist tendencies make it possible to quit perfectionism for this class cold-turkey. I'm perfect at being not perfect...?
Thinking about my perfectionism and where it comes from, I wonder about addiction. There's alcoholism in my family history and I always wondered if that gene would kick in or if I was saved. Perhaps I just got another breed of addiction and if I give in to it to its full extent, it will kill me just as surely as alcoholism would. I'm not willing to find out. I really love being the first to finish an exam but I also love being able to relax and not worry about the one more thing I could fix. Life's too short. So you can bet your ass I'm going to be good, I'm just done being perfect.

More sleepy

Got to sleep around 5:45, woke up at 7. There are naps in my future.

The Aftermath

Sleepy.

Young neighbors got in around 3 AM. Decided the hallway was a nice place to have a party. It was loud. Really, really loud. I shoulda done something about it. This morning there was pumpkin shrapnel all over the hall. All. Over. The. Hall. Guts made it all the way up the 14 foot walls. On the upside, the Weekend Stairwell Mystery Pee Graffitist did not show up for the Halloween festivities. Is it sad that this is an upside?

Back to our regularly scheduled program

Mkay, so Halloween has been postponed. Until next year. After talking with my posse, it turns out that most of them went out costumed this weekend while I was in midterm/project/study mode. The only ones who will be out tonight will be the youngins in the 18 million variations on the 'whore' costume. I'm going to pass. I have half a thought that I might host a costume new years party in order to make up for my lack of, uh, costumeyness. We'll see.

In other news, I watched "Knocked Up" last night and I have to say that it was not funny in the least. I get that it's supposed to be. I understand that some of the lines were funny. The subject matter, however, terrified me beyond all comprehension. I couldn't help thinking how awful that situation would be throughout the entire movie. Further confirmation that the universe does not want me to procreate.

it's amazing what a little leaf kicking can do

I feel great! After my attitude change about that class we will no longer talk about, things have been looking up. I finished a project ahead of schedule, did a fantastic job on a midterm exam, and am currently looking at a clear schedule for the rest of the week. You know what that means? HALLOWEEEEEEEEN! Let the shenanigans commence! Pictures might ensue...

Kicking leaves

This morning, I got up all bright-eyed and bushy-tailed and as I was walking to class I had one of those moments. Everything seemed right in the world. I was happy, carefree, just enjoying myself kicking through the leaves. I caught some other weary design student eyeing me with caution and I couldn't help but laugh out loud. The sad part is the moment I got to class, it was over. If I can figure out a way to stop letting this one frustrating class get to me, I'm sure I'd be a much happier person. I'm beginning to think that if I stop trying to be a perfectionist and just accept the fact that this is just not my class, life will go back to being fun again. Perhaps it really is just that simple...

If you can't say anything nice...

I've got nothing. Rather than complain and whine and be generally grouchy, I'm just going to refrain. Perhaps once midterms are over I'll be a little better.

High points typically have pets in them

As of Tuesday, I've been dealing with a week of chaos. Exams, projects, papers, reviews...it's like the perfect storm week of my semester. For one of my projects (an illustrated version of Modo's Eyes, I might post it) I need some pictures of cats. I do not have cats but Ma does so off I went to spend some quality time photographing the little buggers. From my glamourshots session with two of the fiesty ones, I've learned several things...

1) Animals will never do what you want them to. Ever.

2) Throwing leaves in the air is a good way to get a cat's attention. For 3 seconds.

3) My dog will never stay out of the damn shot if I don't want her picture. If I do, she's no where to be found.

4) Attempting to take closeup pictures of cats will result in 17 shots of the inside of their nose. You'd think if they've smelled the lens once, they're good. Apparently not.

5) Paying attention to 2 cats at the same time will result in the curiousity of the other three who will end up with some random body parts in the shots. Luckily, one of the ones I wanted is big enough to hide the others that are behind him.

6) Taking some time to goof around with critters is a guaranteed way to forget stress, at least for a little while.

Bizarro

Last night, I had the strangest dream. I'm sure that my subconscious stole it from television but it was so surreal nonetheless. I dreamt that I woke up from a nap back in 1999 and I was in my old apartment. I had dreamt the last 8 years. I woke up knowing what was going to happen so I had a second chance to do things. It was just odd running into people I hadn't seen for years and telling them I knew what would happen. I knew that 9/11 would happen but there was nothing I could do to stop it. I tried to contact people I don't meet until later and tell them things they should be careful about. It was just a strange, frustrating, but fascinating dream. I hope I don't have it again.

Fridays have a soft spot in my heart

You can see the difference already, I'm sure. That's right, I'm almost not sick anymore! And my stress level is managable! And the sun is shining, birds are singing, and I'm pretty sure they've slipped uppers into the local water supply! It's turning out to be one of those days when things are looking up. Perhaps I should buy a lottery ticket...

24 Hour Apathy

Yesterday, I handed in the project from hell (following a critique where I was inches from punching my instructor, my classmates could even tell but I digress) and since that point have decided that I'm taking a day off. I'm still sick and I'm taking a day off to reduce my stress level and get to feeling better, finally. Killing myself to get things done on days like this just isn't worth it in the end. So bring me another round of cold meds and my blankie and I'm turning the cell phone on silent. Unless you're bringing me good news of a miracle cure or free chinese food, don't bother me. I just don't care today.

Discombobulated Tuesday

I'm way out of sorts today. Last night I hardly slept and when I did there were project-plagued cold-medicine warped dreams that kept me tossing and turning. I woke up to a gray morning and sand in my eyes. I made absolutely no effort to get ready for class and ended up in a thrice-worn sweatshirt and hat. Since we just had a workday scheduled, I begged off and went back home where the coughing and nose-blowing didn't gross anyone else out. I ended up working on the project that is due tomorrow (another rant in and of itself, I'll promise to spare you) and occasionally spacing off. I made it to work in one piece but at least twice on the drive over I caught myself wondering how I got to the place I was and hoping I had obeyed all the traffic laws in my lost 45 seconds. Thankfully, Boss is understanding about my current state and doesn't mind when I sit and fog out for a little while. Unfortunately, the project is waiting when I get home. I wish that when you were sick you could just call a time out, get 2 hours of feeling fanstastic so you could get your stuff done before going back to wallowing in misery. Oh if only. Boo, I say to you gray day, Boo.

If wishes were Prius's, beggars would, uh...hum?

I've been thinking about my gas guzzling behemoth lately as well as all the talk on saving the environment. I'm not the most eco-friendly of people...any effort I make is typically done out of the desire to save money over the world. But this issue of cars has me thinking. I wouldn't mind driving a hybrid. Really, I wouldn't. They're a little odd but I think I could get over it. I just don't understand why they're so expensive. Just because I'm a poor college student doesn't mean I should be restricted from saving the planet. They really should just start giving them away. Call it a global effort at eco-responsibility.

Okay, you got me. I really just want a car that sucks less gas. And is free. Definitely free.

Dear Visa Checkcard Marketing Department,

That new commercial of yours? You know, the one with the toys and the juggling and the colors and movement and whimsical circus-like music and the cashier that looks like Super Mario without a hat...

Please make it go away. It's giving me nightmares of the worst kind.

Thank you.

Curses!

I'm sick again. So far its not as bad as the last round, like 3 weeks ago, but it still sucks. I'm still behind on my project and I have Paolo Nutini tickets tonight. Something tells me that Paolo will have to wait for another time, I feel like death. I hope he forgives me.

Do the Evolution* (meme)

I was reminded today that I neglected to do the latest in Meme crazes. The Evolution. After reading other people's reason for doing what we do, I guess it made me wonder about myself. I started in 2005 as a way to keep in touch with my family. At the time, I was newly married and for the first time had lived away from everyone. I started** blogging as a way to include the people I cared about in the day to day hilarity. Eventually, the day to day hilarity turned into the day to day dealing with a separation and divorce. There was good and bad and in 2006 I moved back home to start fresh. After a hiatus from the blogworld because of a massive writer's block, I decided that it was time to start a new blog. It is still mostly day to day and I have a limited readership (I appreciate all 5 of you greatly) but most of the time I'm just venting or trying to tell entertaining little stories. Okay, I spend more time venting. I'm working on it. I'm not sure if other people get as much out of it as I do, it can be incredibly soothing to look back on old posts. Keeping in touch with myself, I guess. So yeah, that's it in a nutshell. The short-lived evolution of my toddlerblog.

* can't help but drop a Pearl Jam reference every now and then

** For the sake of this meme, I went ahead and unlocked some of the posts on the old blog. I took most of them down in an effort to make a new start but what the hell...

Yet another rant about school

I'm insanely behind on a project that's due next week. What makes it frustrating is my instructor is always gone. Talking to an instructor from anther class, this guy is slated to be gone 22 days this semester because he's trying to get tenure. What that means for me is that every time I show up for class, I get reviewed by a different substitute who has a different concept for the final project. I rework the designs for the next class and then get a different set of things to change from a different person. The guy who comes and goes is the one who is going to grade it and I have yet to get a decent critique from him. This class is a requirement and it irritates me to no end that a) I'm paying for this inconsistent teaching and b) if I get below a certain grade for this class, I won't be able to graduate within my program. I've started to really hate this class. I don't feel like I'm learning anything from it and it pisses me off that this is money out of my pocket.

Makes me wanna eat a danish and go on a sugar-induced rampage.

Calling all dark morbid people

I need your help!

I need ideas for a dark poem or short story so I can make a illustrated mini-book for one of my classes. I'll take any suggestions...

It doesn't feel like Monday

1) I'm functioning (barely). Got to sleep around 4:30 this morning. Surprising because I was dead tired and aspired to go to bed around 9. It just didn't happen. My stupid brain wouldn't shut off. Ended up putzing around until I finally went back to bed at 4. Didn't conk out until a half hour later. Slept through my first class. Sigh.

2) I'm cosmically behind on one of my projects. Cosmically. Add to that my instructor has been gone so I'm not getting any feedback and it makes for a doomsday-esque final review. Unless mercy is granted, it's due next week.

3) After the fun country bar part of the weekend, things went downhill. Without going into the ugly details, it's apparent that no nice guy should ever seriously ask me out. Ever. I'm too mean.

4) Got to have lunch with a couple old friends. Life doesn't seem to be kind to anyone these days. I've decided that my life could be a lot worse. My friends are tough, though, and both of them should pull through just fine.

5) Since boss was out of town, I had to work with an idiot today. This idiot reeks of dirty ashtray, talks incessantly about nothing, and likes to hover over what you're doing. Perhaps its my lack of sleep that is making me so sensitive to his 'charm' but I want to kill him and throw his body in a pig pen. Boss returns tomorrow, thank god.


I would give a kidney for a week of vacation at this point.

When Country Bars attack

My head hurts.

Rewind 12 hours...For my little brother's fiancee's birthday, she wanted to go to the local country bar. And by local, I mean right across the street from where I live. So local that a friend and I made up a song about waiting in line there and we named it "Doodle Doo" (we have mad skillz. And by mad, I mean 'drunk'). So I wandered across the street to Doodle Doo and proceeded to drink cheap beer like the locals with my future sister in law's crazy/fun friends. One of the highlights was swapping stories with my little brother. He and I are very forthcoming with the tales when we are drinking and I think we both learned a lot of funny stuff about each other last night. It was one of those golden familial moments (that we won't share with our parents so don't even bother asking, don't worry everything was pretty much legal).
Seeing as I have been chained to my drawing table for the last 3 weeks, when word got out that I was being social my evening got booked with stops I had to make at various bars. I bid adieu to brother and FSIL, leaving my apartment key with them so they wouldn't have to drive home. I wandered to my next stop where my long time BFFs were causing trouble. So of course I joined in. The highlight was asking some bearded guy for his autograph for my friend, Noodles. Okay, not really his autograph. I had him sign Peter Jackson. Noodles was thrilled. And yes, I am totally that girl who will do innocent dares at the drop of a hat (no nudity, violence, or consuming spicy foods...in that order).
After a few more stops and a few more innocent dares (go pet that stranger's mohawk) I made it home to find a pile of shoes on my living room floor. Shoes but no people. I had visions of my brother wandering around town with no shoes on. Then I heard a voice coming from my bathroom. I turned the corner and they're sleeping on the floor. It looked like one of those Febreeze commercials where the people have their noses all smooshed against something only in my commercial the people aren't sober and the rug smells like a bathroom. After I pointed out that my couch is a bed they relocated and all was right in the world.
Three hours of sleep later, I manage to make it to work on time with only a minor headache and some mild dizzyness that seems to be my closest version of a hangover. All in all, a pretty fun night, if I do say so myself.

Boo

Hung won Top Chef. My favorite part was at the end when he said America supported him. Uh, dude...did you SEE the poll results? America didn't want you to win. America wanted Clay to win before they wanted you to win. Sure, you got talent. And a cold, dead heart.

I'm going to go eat a can of spam and some Bugles in your honor, Hung.

A little better

After my two-day hiatus, I'm a teensy bit less stressed. There's still a lot to do this week but I've decided it could be worse. I could have got a bad haircut. Oh yeah, I forgot, I did. For future reference, no matter how bad you need a cut, no matter how many split ends shake their unruly fists at you, do NOT go to any other stylist but your favorite. Even if she's out of town for a week. You too will experience bangs that are too short and layers that sit in funny angles. I'm resisting the urge to take scissors to them myself. I'm going to wait until she comes back and then I'm going to have her rescue me. Hats are in season, anyways.
Aside from that mini-drama...
1) Boss is out of town again. Sadness. Chaos.
2) Projects, still.
3) Sugar, doin' better with the exception of a minor oreo relapse. No pop, though.
4) Going out for Future Sister in Law's birthday. To a country bar. Em typically doesn't do country. I must like her, I guess.
5) Looking forward to that Pushing Daisies show. Hope it lives up to the hype.

Happy Wednesday!

charred

It hit me about halfway through an exam this morning. I'm officially burned out. I'm exhausted. Sick of working on projects where the instructors are giving very little, uh, instruction. Frustrated with the same instructors who give out study guides for tests that have NOTHING to do with the exam (I'll be amazed if I pass that exam, it was ridiculous). Projects that have minideadlines and reviews for busywork that we end up just throwing out anyways. It's like spinning my wheels and getting too stressed out about it. I just don't care right now. I'm not having ANY fun. So I quit. For today. I'm not working on anything today. I'm going to go to work, enjoy time spent not worrying about deadlines, come home, and do NOTHING. Tomorrow, I will go to my review (I'm ready for it) then get my haircut and then...do NOTHING. Two days of peace and quiet. Stress can kiss my ass.

Life's little soundtrack

A couple days ago, I alluded to an emotional flashback 'thing' that I thought I might talk about. In general, I'm not a real emotional person. I'm not a cryer, don't throw tantrums, and only get into fights if you touch me inappropriately when I've been drinking. I keep a pretty even keel. Last week, the simple act of putting a cd on caught me with a knot in my chest and I was in a fugue state for a little over an hour. The cd was Death Cab for Cutie's 'Plans'. Good cd, yes. As a aforementioned hopeless romantic, it's guaranteed to have an effect on me. Why it caught me so strongly was that I hadn't listened to it for over a year. The last time I had listened to it was on the drive home when I was getting a divorce. It was right after I decided that this was what I needed to do. That he and I have better things waiting for us. It was a strange blend of sadness and optimism. Listening to that cd, everything was brought back to the surface. I could remember each part of the drive, how it made me feel.
Since the divorce, I've been pretty much alone. I gave someone else a shot but when you're wanting something great, it doesn't make sense to settle for okay. I know what it's like to hope for the best but things just aren't there. It's hard, though. I'm pretty much the only one of my friends who is single. I don't really prefer it but it would be a waste of time to just date for the sake of dating. Lately, I've been frustrated and more than a little disheartened. The realist in me keeps piping up that maybe, just maybe that guy doesn't exist and maybe I should just be okay with that. I'm kind of a complicated girl. The hopeless romantic in me keeps telling me to just hold on, that he's out there, that someday I'll look back at my time alone as just time spent wandering toward him. Hopeless, I tell ya.
So then Death Cab comes back along and gives the Hopeless Romantic a little nudge. So shutup you pestering internal Realist. If some dude can write Hopeless Romantic lyrics then maybe there's some dude listening to them. Some dude with me in his future.

If Heaven and Hell decide/That they both are satisfied/Illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs/If there's no one beside you/When your soul embarks/Then I'll follow you into the dark/Then I'll follow you into the dark - Death Cab for Cutie, 'I will follow you into the dark'

Weak.

Watched CBS's Moonlight over on the website. The nerd/scifi/hopeless romantic is disappointed. Guess I'll stick to the Twilight books for my vampire love stories.

Were the streetcorner a viable option*...

Since I am a poor college student, one of the ways I support myself is through 'donating' plasma. For money. So it's not really donating. Technically.
Anyways.
From previous experience I have problems when the technician moves the needle. Something about feeling that painful little thing in my arm getting moved around makes my stomach flip and the lights start to go out. They left notes all over my chart that they shouldn't move the needle. So I should be good, right? Well, last time I almost passed out again. This time, they didn't move the needle, I had eaten properly, was well hydrated, everything. There was no good reason as to why. The only thing they could think of was that there was a teensy language barrier between myself and the foreign-born technician and trying to understand the directions made me nervous enough that I almost blacked out. Kinda stupid, eh? So today, I chickened out. I was getting all worked up about going that I figured that regardless of who I was stuck by, I would be passing out, guaranteed. I've decided that I'll give myself a couple days off and go back next week with a healthy optimism about being used as a pin cushion. On the bright side, with my hellacious workload I have this weekend, I'll be saving as much money as I would have made donating with my lack of social life and all.

These little dramas won't exist when I go back to the real working world, will they?

* I'd like to point out that when I asked my mother if she could think of a way for me to make 30 bucks without getting stuck by a needle, THIS was her suggestion. My family is twisted.

Miami Vice

Since the whole sugar drama, I've been considering all the things that I depend on in my daily life. And not necessarily in a good way. When does something you enjoy become a vice? Is it when it starts to affect your life negatively but you continue to do it anyways? I was trying to compile a list in my head of all the things that I might need to quit because they're not bettering my quality of life. It's not very long, in my opinion...

Em's list o' vices:
1) Television - a recent addiction. It's killing my motivation to work out or get anything productive done. If I could function with it just as background noise, it would be fine but I have a hard time focusing. Maybe if they'd come out with more crappy shows and cancel the ones I like...?

2) Stupid relationships - I waste energy expecting things to work out but logically, I know they won't. Logically, I know that I haven't met "the guy" and logically I think I'm okay being alone. Too bad some parts of me are less than logical.

3) Coffee - I'm not sure if this is a vice. I rely on it daily, love it to bits, but am curious if it's causing any major negative effects. My heart doesn't have abnormal rhythms and I sleep okay so I'm hoping that Coffee and I are on good terms

4) Perfectionism - ohhhh yeah. This bad boy kills me. I love getting eveything done just so. I love getting a perfect grade on an exam AND being the first one to finish it. Sometimes I love being perceived as an Ice Queen because it also implies that I'm striving for perfection, emotional distance, inhuman capabilities. It's amazing that I don't have an eating disorder and some other complex. Aside from the sugar addiction, this is the other vice I'm attempting to kill off toot sweet.

What other things do you think are vices?

Owie

Okay, so Full Day Number Two of the Reduced Sugar Effort 2007. My head hurts. I'm not sure if it's stress from an insanely hectic workload or if it's the withdrawl. Anyone who has cut back, your opinions please. I'm sure in the end it will be worth it but I'm craving hardcore but managed to choke down an entire Diet Pepsi, gagging only 3 times.
Add on top of the headaches some super fantastic dreams and a strange emotional flashback I may describe in a couple days and its been a fun week!
Tonight I'm cooking scallops in honor of the Top Chef Finale.
Consider yourself updated.

Sugar, we need to talk.

Okay, so this week I might be a little grumpy. I'm attempting (once again) to cut down on my sugar intake. I have done well in the past but I always have some relapse and then find myself downing a danish covered in icing with a heavily sugared coffee. There are many reasons I want to cut back. The primary reason is my parents. Although neither one of them is overweight, they both have ended up with Type 2 Diabetes. Growing up, our family consumed unnatural amounts of soft drinks. I've become quite attached and even though I've tried, I hate the taste of diet pop. At any rate, with my family history and my tendency to prefer sugary things, I have this fear of developing diabetes myself. The other reasons are more on the superficial side. I can tell when I go on sugar benders, my skin has a meltdown. It looks dull and blotchy and then I get breakouts on top of it. Then of course is the dental aspect. I've never had a cavity but with all the crap I eat, I get the feeling that those days are limited.
Now, I'm not gonna go cold turkey. Maybe on pop I will but sugar in general, I'm going to just try and wean myself off it. Hopefully it will go a little smoother. Hopefully. Bear with me people, this could get ugly.

Don't make me bitchslap you with your own monitor.

I know I've ranted about customer service just recently. Tonight, I had another epidsode. I went with a couple friends as they picked up a bridesmaid dress. It was at that 'chain' bridal shop...that one you'll supposedly love. yeah. Anyways, Associate looks up friends name on computer. It isn't there. Looks up bride's name. Isn't there. The dress must not be in. My friend was called and told that it was in. Enter Manager. She looks at the computer and comes to the same conclusion, its not in the computer, the dress must not be in. My friend is super nice and was trying not to make a big deal out of it. I, on the other hand, am completely comfortable making a deal of it. We drove an hour, after being called. I wander up to the counter...

Em: "Can't you just go look in the back and see if you can find the dress? Its a red dress, all by itself...how many red bridesmaid dresses do you have all by themselves in the back?"

Manager: " Do you know how much work that is?(ironically yes, I've worked in a bridal shop although I didn't point that out to her) To look in the back would be alot of hard work."

Em: " How hard can it really be to just go look?"

Manager: "That's like, A through Z."

*blink blink*

Manager: " I'm sorry, we'll just have to find something off the rack for her to wear."

She wanders off to look through the floor models...that are covered in deodorant and have tattered hems. They don't have her size, I already looked. I'm waiting for the Manager to come back empty handed and as she rounds the corner I have a brilliant idea.

Em: " You guys obviously called my friend. Can't you just search your computer based on the phone number?"

Manager: "That might work...I guess."

She taps away and then asks my friend if the bride has a sister. They had the last name in the computer right but had royally botched her first name...from Sarah to Ashley. Odd, how someone with the same last name bought the SAME SINGLE RED DRESS IN THE SAME SIZE which you COULD SEE FROM THE MAIN PAGE THEY ALREADY LOOKED AT. It was just frustrating. I can understand that its maybe lost in the computer but why can't they just look in the back? That is not hard work. Seriously. Grouchy Customer Service people, Lose the attitude!

I promise I'm done ranting about retail associates for at least another good week or two...

Oh thank god you're back

Since June, I've been back working at an optical shop I used to work at a few years ago. It's felt a lot like coming home. I love where I work and I'm good at what I do. Part of what makes it so nice is who I work with. My boss and I just get along. We have similar personalities and similar habits. We think alike and are at the point where things are done efficiently.

Until he leaves town and I get a temporary replacement.

He visited his son out in Colorado for a week and in his stead, I worked with a guy from our optical lab. Very nice, very polite, worked hard...but it wasn't the same. Things were boogered up, customers were getting told wrong information, and I didn't know what he was doing with certain orders. I couldn't follow his thought process. It drove me bonkers. Then on top, I think he questioned what I knew about my job. He was always offering to do things for me, things I've been doing for 6 years and am pretty comfortable with. I tried to get my point across politely but he wasn't listening. It got frustrating.

Today, my boss returned. I was so overjoyed when I came into work and the counter was clear. There weren't stacks of jobs with question marks all over them. The piles of things I normally leave for myself were still there (he knows to leave them alone), the other piles of things he takes care of were done and the routine was reestablished. I can't stress how great it is to be able to work with someone who A) knows what the hell they're doing, B) understands that you know what the hell you're doing, and C) is a good friend. Makes it nice to come to work everyday.

Tagged...

So I've been tagged by Modo to give my middle name and then for each letter give something that's relevant to my life. Seems simple enough...

E - Eager to learn new things.

L - Lazy. I don't really play sports or do much that's active.

A - Anal-retentive about my work. I can't help it, I'm neurotic.

I - Innocent. hehe.

N - Not always honest.

E - Entertaining. Sometimes I like being the center of attention.


So there you have it. I'm going to resist tagging people because, uh, I'm just not. See "L" above.

Healthy dose of skepticism

For the last couple of days, I've been studying for an art history exam that I have this week. As I've been doing so, I'm getting increasingly frustrated. We're talking about prehistoric through Egyptian art in this section. I'm frustrated because it seems that both my textbook author and my instructor make definitive statements without the evidence to back it up. Now, I've got a background in Archaeology. I prefer to look at all the evidence but even after doing so, I prefer not to make definitive statements about what happened. There's too many variables. Statements like "The figures in the cave painting must be women because they're wearing skirts and holding hands" or " Cave paintings were only done inside because they were sheltered spaces that the individuals can return to" piss me off*. You can't ascribe current fashion trends (skirts) to a prehistoric culture...later art from Persia indicates men also wore skirts. And cave painting might have been the only thing to withstand the test of time, the absence of evidence does not mean that prehistoric cultures didn't create art outdoors, it just means it may have been destroyed.
Now, I'm glad that this kind of thing annoys me. I'm amazed at how my classmates just blindly accept whats being given to them. A friend of mine in the same class was telling me the other day how now she's rethinking everything after I went into a tangent about the archaeological record. My main concerns are A) why don't my fellow students question more and B) why do professors get away with incomplete teaching? If these people are used to this kind of thing in just their classes, what must they be like in the real world? It's more than a little dismal to think about...
*I know I promised to write about more happy topics but this sort of thing really concerns me...

Boxed sets are my friend

I've lately become more addicted to the boxed set DVDs of tv shows. It started last year when Ma and I went through the first two seasons of Lost. I still haven't actually watched an episode on tv, so don't ruin it for me.
Last week while I was sick, I watched the entire season of Heroes. Love love LOVED it. Can't wait for it to come back although I'm curious where they're going to go with it.
And yesterday, while working on an art project, I spent the entire day engrossed in Firefly and then Serenity. I really enjoyed it, although I can see how it would be hard to carry the storyline much further.
Now, I'm in a bit of withdrawl. I like the idea of not having to wait a week until I get the updated episode. Its like watching a 12 hour movie. It's great! But now I don't know what to watch...

auditory paranoia

One of my biggest pet peeves of ALL TIME is when my classmates' cell phones start ringing during class. Or during movies. Or during anytime. Something about a ringing cell phone reminds me of an alarm clock (perhaps the fact that I use mine as one) so the sound raises my hackles instantly. In order to curb my personal desire to chuck my cell phone out the nearest window, I have had mine set on vibrate for awhile (it still rings audibly when I get up at the buttcrack of dawn). Now, in theory, having a cell phone on vibrate makes sense. Or it would if you didn't have super sensitive freaky good hearing, like myself. Typically, I can hear the little bugger buzzing across the room (with the exception of when my mother is calling, selective hearing I guess. jk, ma). Now, I've noticed that I'm tuned into every little buzzing thing wherever I go. Your tv have a lowtone buzz? I'm going to try and answer it. The space heater in your office making a humming noise? Maybe its someone calling. It's beginning to drive me a little bonkers. I need to find a cell phone that alternates quiet little noises but none of them sound like an alarm clock. Cell phone manufacturers, I'm talking to you.

A reason to be happy...when I'm hacking my lungs out

Reading over my last few posts, I realized that I've been a major downer lately. It's so much easier to complain on this thing than be happy about stuff. So even though things aren't ideal right now, I'd like to say that I'm thrilled that it's turning Fall. THRILLED. It's chilly out this morning, the leaves are starting to get the slightest bit of yellow in them, and you can tell that the light is just different. It makes me excited. I think Fall is probably my favorite season. Granted, everything is going dormant but I love the smells, the colors, and the clothes associated with it. Everyone dresses classier in the fall...

I need to go shopping:)

Impending doom

So I'm still sick.
I have a project due tomorrow. Haven't started yet cuz I've been sick.
I have 2 drawings due tomorrow. Haven't started yet cuz I've been sick.
I have an Exam on Friday. Haven't studied...guess why.
I have a paper due on Friday. It's a short one, but yeah. Haven't started.
I have a BIG project due on Monday. I'm behind on it.
I have a Quiz next Tuesday. Haven't studied.

The perfectionist in me is hyperventilating.
The ill person in me wants to sleep til the disease is gone.
The me that lies somewhere in between keeps chanting "c's get degrees".

So begins the Season of Stress...

I have some good news and some bad news...

First the good news...
Thanks to everyone who contributed to the Wok-a-thon! I have a stack of recipes printed off and am ready to get cookin:) An extra little thanks to Ma...she must know I have limited readership (not that I don't love all Four of you). Perhaps in a future post, I'll pick a Grand StirFry Winner and award some Fabulous Prize (not a car).

Now the bad news...
I'm sick. Achy, congested, all over icky...sick. I'm not one to call in to work or skip class but I've decided that this was worth it. I'm hoping that this is it for the semester because I've used my Get out of Jail Free cards on my classes. *As a side note, how come the classes I pay for have mandatory attendance. If I'm paying for them, and I still get the work done, how come I can only miss one class a semester? Just a thought... So, thank heaven for kleenexes with lotion and super fun cold medicine.

Wok assistance

Recently, I purchased a wok in hopes of making some killer stir fry. A friend of mine has a super fantastic teriyaki recipe but upon request, said friend decided it was a family secret and won't divulge. So, few readers, I look to you. Anyone have any amazing recipes for things I can make in a wok? I'm always hesitant to try new internet recipes just because I don't want to spend the money on ingredients that Bobby Jo from Newport says are good. At any rate, if you've got em, hook me up! I'll also take any other recipes if you have 'em (no Balut, Modo...barf).

My chopsticks are waiting...

Tired

That about sums it up. Even though this week was a day shorter, it kicked my ass. I'm just worn out. Yesterday I caught myself at work daydreaming about getting a massage and then reality kicked in and I realized I have no time for it. This weekend, I'm aspiring to get alot of things done, even with working my butt off I have catching up to do for my projects. I think its just hitting me how much work these classes are. I kinda forgot over the summer.

Thank god for coffee.

and pizza.

Dear Freshman Walking with Your IPod,

You made eye contact when you were still on the sidewalk.

You hesitated.

When I'm behind the wheel, your hesitation is an open invitation for me to gun it before you can make your way in front of my car. Because when you walk in front of my car, the 57 other little freshman behind you with their Ipods will too. So next time, don't roll your eyes at me. I'll run you down and make your little green IPod my new hood ornament.

Consider yourself warned.

Can I help you?

This weekend was an amazing adventure in how crappy customer service has gotten. Ma and I ventured to the big city to run some random errands and the minute we crossed the threshold, things went downhill.

- First stop, a semi-well known restaurant for lunch. It wasn’t fast food but it sure felt like it. We were eating right after the place opened and there were hardly any people in the place yet our table was filthy. Like, patches of sticky sprinkled with pepper. Ma’s silverware had some miscellaneous sauce crusted to the outside of the napkin. I would have made it a point with the waitress but she was sprinting so fast that I didn’t have time to bean her with the dirty silverware. Aside from the grossness, the speed was a bit excessive. About 10 seconds after getting our drinks, my salad was delivered. Three bites in, our entrees came. Had I not stopped eating my salad in the middle because I didn’t want my entrée to get cold, I would have still been munching on lettuce by the time the check/dessert menu arrived. Sometimes speed is nice but I don’t think getting in and out of a sit-down style restaurant should be done in 20 minutes.
- Next we had to make a stop at a popular cosmetics counter. The staff was the typical level of labcoat friendly but I was put off when I saw the sales goal posted right by the register. Now, I know that these kinds of things exist. I just think that seeing a neon sign saying “$8100 – Make it Happen” with a pie chart right in plain sight is in poor taste. When I brought it to the attention of one of the lab coats, she just rolled her eyes and went back to the conversation she was having with another labcoat. At least pretend like you’re going to do something about it. Not planning on giving them any more business…
- After having a day full of a general lack of customer service (with the exception of the the lady at White House/Black Market…but when things are that expensive, they better be helpful) we went to soothe our frazzled nerves with Cheesecake. AGAIN, the tables were filthy. Not quite as bad as the other place but my arms still stuck to the table and you could see rings from glasses. When my coffee came, I was again grossed out. The Factory uses clear glass coffee cups and mine had obvious streaks and watermarks from the washer. There were also a couple little specks of godknowswhat. If you’re going to have clear glasses, you should probably make sure they stay clear. Gross.

Now, most things I tend to overlook. But poor customer service drives me nuts. In my line of work, I go out of my way to make things perfect for people. Even when I worked for the petstore, I worked my hardest to give the best service and make the experience pleasant for the consumer. Is it just me or do people just not care anymore? It’s frustrating because even if you complain, nothing happens. Is the general work ethic in the service industries slipping? I hate to think that it can get much worse…

Perpetually MIA

Yeah yeah yeah, I know I've been missing lately. Since classes started I've been more than I little busy. Some of whats been occupying my time:

- Studios...on fonts. I love my major but I had to buy 8 books for this one class and 7/8 were entire books on fonts. The eighth book was on the color wheel. I hope I appreciate this class later because right now its an 8 am annoyance.

- Cleaning. Okay, I was worried before moving that my slobbishness would be a major downer at my beautiful new place. I've taken it to the other extreme. I think I'm almost OCD about keeping this place nice. I love it. Its a whole new side of me. Borderline scary but at least my straight jacket will be spotless and beautifully ironed.

- Top Chef. I shit you not. They've been running marathons and I'm officially hooked. I know nothing about food but it makes me want to. That and Tom Colicchio is dreamy. Ironically, I found out that Ma was also getting hooked on the show. If that isn't one more piece of evidence for our bizarre psychic connection, I don't know what is. But she's married, so she can't have Chef Colicchio. I win. Sorta.

- Friends! After a slow start last year, I've been able to make some great friends and I now have a pretty decent social life. They even accept the fact that I'm that sarcastic chick. I keep 'em laughing. Never a dull moment.

So that's whats the dealyo. Hopefully, I'll remember to write more. Hopefully I'll have more entertaining things to write about than fonts...

Heart attacks in the mail

My adoration for my new apartment was about killed today. I opened my electric bill. My first electric bill...

$257.58

I shit you not. My eyes bugged out of my head and I about dropped dead right by the mailbox. After looking at it a little closer, turns out it was because my deposit is $235.00. Uh, hello? Are you serious?!?

I instantly shifted gears and drove down to the electric people to find out what the heck was going on. Turns out since I haven't lived in town within the past 2 years, they don't consider me to have a good record and therefore I have to pay a deposit....which is based off the previous tenants electric usage. Helpful Electric Lady flipped her monitor to show me their usage for the year. Apparently, the previous tenant was Las Vegas. My only way out was to prove that I was a faithful bill payer in Kansas City. I called the KC Electric Lady but I was not in the system.

Not in the system = Em's screwed

After calling my ohsofantastic-exhusband ( I mean it, he's super nice, no sarcasm intended) he hooked me up with his account number and there I was! For some reason, my number wasn't put on the account but I was listed.

HOORAY!

After the third try at faxing the right form that had my name on it, I made my triumphant return to the Helpful Electric Lady where I was crowned exempt from paying a godawfully high deposit.

My new bill: $22.58
My new bill were I the previous tenant : $162.75

Seriously! Shut your lights off people! Wherever you are!

Summer's last hurrah

Classes start again on Monday.

I'm kinda looking forward to getting back into schoolwork but one thing I'm not looking forward to is the workaholic mode I tend to get in. It usually means I drink way too much coffee, clench my teeth, and most likely lose 10 pounds regardless of how much I eat. I can't help it. There's something in me that just switches into perfectionist mode and I have a hard time controlling it. I know that it makes my work better but part of me wonders at what cost to my overall well being. So going into the semester, I'll take a deep breath, maybe find a yoga class, and make sure I spend some quality time having fun with my friends. I think I can drink to that...

Dear New Neighbor Down the Hall,

When you decide to get drunk on a Tuesday night, that's fine with me. When you have people at your place until 5 AM, that's also fine with me. Whats NOT fine with me is when you and those people decide to take the fun into the hall and then start fights that involve door slamming and lots of yelling. You're lucky I don't own any serious weapons.

Love,
Em

Oh, and PS...paybacks a bitch.

because my brain is too tired to write a real post

Ma can do this, so can I.

This is for your entire life.

(x) Smoked a cigarette
( ) Crashed a friend's car
( ) Stolen a car
() Been in love
(X) Been dumped
(x ) Been laid off/fired
(X) Quit your job
( ) Been in a fist fight (does hitting someone count? If so, then yes.)
() Snuck out of your parent's house
(X) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back
( ) Been arrested
( x) Gone on a blind date
(x) Skipped school
( ) Been to Canada
(X) Been to Mexico
(X) Been on a plane
(X) Been lost
(X) Been on the opposite side of the country
(X ) Gone to Washington , DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Felt like dying
(X) Cried yourself to sleep
( ) Played cops and robbers/Cowboys &Indians
(x ) Sang karaoke
(x ) Paid for a meal with only coins
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(x ) Made prank phone calls
(X) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
(X) Danced in the rain
(X) Written a letter to Santa
() Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sun rise with someone you care about or love
(X) Blown bubbles
( ) Made a bonfire on the beach
(x) Crashed a Party
(X) Gone roller-skating
(X) Gone ice-skating
1. Any nicknames? Red, Em, Boog, Country...and lots of little random ones
2. Mother's name? Ma
3. What is your favorite drink? Depends on what I'm drinking it with
4. Tattoos? yep
5. Body piercing? Ears? Ears and nose
6. How much do you love your job? Scale of 1 to 10? Its a 9.5
7. Birthplace? Iowa
8. Favorite vacation spot? Quiet beaches are nice, or the mountains, or the desert...
9. Ever been to Africa? Nope
10. Ever steal any traffic signs? Yep
11. Ever been in a car accident? Just little ones
12. Drink Cup size? Large
13. 2 Door or 4 Doors? 2
14. Salad dressing? Homemade ranch or creamy italian/parmesan
15. Favorite pie? cherry or apple
16 Favorite number? 13
17. Favorite movie? I can't name just one
18. Favorite holiday? Thanksgiving
19. Favorite food? Chicken Poblano Rojas...or anything mexican
20. Favorite day of the week? Sunday Funday
21. Favorite brand of body soap? I don't use soap, I use girly bodywash thingers
22. Favorite TV show? Probably CSI
23. Toothpaste? Crest Superduper fantastic somethingorother...for sensitive teeth
24. Favorite smell? Guys, without a doubt
25. What do you do to relax? Draw, read, watch tv, go exercise
26. Message to your friends? I can give them messages to their face
27. How do you see yourself in 10 years? A little more eccentric but still fun
28. What would I rather be doing? Eating chicken wings
29. Furthest place you will send this message? I'm not really sending it anywhere...
30. Who will respond the fastest? Heck if I know
31. Least likely to respond? See previous response

Memes are silly

Saw this over at mom's and figured what the hell...

Note: Some of them I'm not bolding to protect the innocent.

Oh, and you're sposed to bold the things you've done and tally them at the end. Carry on.

Bought everyone in the pub/bar a drink
Climbed a mountain
Held a tarantula
Taken a candlelit bath with someone
Been in love - up for debate
Broken someone’s heart
Had my heart broken
Done a striptease
Bungee jumped
Watched a lightning storm at sea
Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
Seen the Northern Lights
Gone to a huge sports game
Grown and eaten my own vegetables
Slept under the stars
Changed a baby’s diaper
Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Watched a meteor shower
Gotten drunk on champagne
Given money to charity
Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Had a food fight
Bet on a winning horse
Taken a sick day when I wasn’t ill
Had a snowball fight
Photocopied my butt or any other intimate body part
Held a lamb
Gone skinny dipping
Taken an ice cold shower
Seen a total eclipse
Ridden a roller coaster
Hit a home run
Been arrested
Visited all 50 states
Taken care of someone who was shit faced
Stolen a street/highway sign
Backpacked in Europe
Taken a road-trip
Taken a midnight walk on the beach
Gone sky diving
Milked a cow
Alphabetized my records/CDs
Sung karaoke
Lounged around in bed all day
Gone scuba diving
Danced in the rain
Gone to a drive-in theater
Started a business
Gotten married
Been in a movie
Crashed a party
Gotten divorced
Had sex at the office
Made cookies from scratch
Gotten a tattoo
Been on television
Had sex in a public place
Got so drunk I don’t remember anything
Recorded music
Had a one-night stand
Bought a house
Shaved or waxed off my pubic hair
Been on a cruise ship
Spoken more than one language fluently
Bounced a check
Called or written my Congressperson
Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
Sung loudly by myself in the car
Written articles for a large publication
Piloted an airplane
Helped an animal give birth
Been fired or laid off from a job
Won money on a TV game show
Broken a bone
Ridden a motorcycle
Had a body part below the neck pierced
Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
Ridden a horse
Had major surgery
Had sex on a moving train
Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
Visited all seven continents
Eaten sushi
Had my picture in the newspaper
Parasailed
Changed my name
Dyed my hair
Been a DJ

My total: 49

Reconnected

Hooray! After spending 3 days and countless hours on the phone with the internet tech support people, I'm finally up and running. I've discovered that I hate being without internet, moreso than television. At any rate, I have to get around to go to work but I thought I'd let you know that I'm all moved in and now connected. So I'll be back...

Move 'em out

Today is the day. I've been packing for a couple days and trying to get the junk sorted out and my first truckload of stuff is ready to go. I have a half hour before I can get into my new place...let the thumbtwiddling commence. Today should be interesting. Typically when I've moved in the past I've had a crew of several to help me out. Until later tonight, I'm going solo. I'm going to try and get as much done as I can by myself and then let the two recruits help me with my limited furniture. I'm already sweating unpleasantly (as opposed to pleasantly...I think my brain is already done for).

Aside from the physical fun of moving, I'm also playing around with the mental aspects. I'm a little nervous. As I've mentioned before, this will be the first time I've lived entirely by myself. I had a brief couple months when a roommate flaked out but other than that there's always been someone around. I'm a pretty independent person so I'm not overly worried but I think I'm going to learn some things about myself. It might be grow-up time. I'm ready for whatever gets thrown at me and its not like my family is hundreds of miles away like they used to. Everything is going to be fine. It's just transition.

Oddly enough, what's hitting me most today is that I'm going to be without my dog (before you get frowny, mother, YOU can pick up a phone and drive over whenever you want so there). I got to thinking that the wee Bugster has been with me through quite a bit. She was my first in depth experience raising a puppy. She was with me through my marriage, my divorce, moving back, starting school again...all of it. Now I'm sure that my parents are going to take fantastic care of her but I'm going to miss her a bunch. Granted, I was reminded at about 4 am what I'm not going to miss...the incessant growling at owls...but those are just the little things that add to her charm. There will be much visiting.

And yes, I'm sure I'll miss my parents too. There are moments when we drive each other bonkers but for the most part I have a family that just gets along. And while SOMEONE keeps implying that I will be falling off the planet, I will say this once more...You have a phone. I have a phone. I will on occasion answer it. You have a car. I have a car. I have laundry to do and you have a free washing machine. So there.

I'll see what I can do about posting once I get settled in...

Chicago!

Soooo, I've been procrastinating on this post because I'm ashamed that I only managed to take about 10 pictures of my trip. Most of the photoging was done by the birthday girl and she has yet to share. Some of them may not be suitable for internet consumption. I'm just saying. Here's how it went down...

Flew out of the local airport...granted, its only about a 5 hour drive to Chicago but I felt like being a frivolous sack of poo. My friend, we shall call her Chipmunk*, can't drive because of an eye thing so flying seemed the way to go. Chipmunk and I made it there in one piece and after a harrowing taxi excursion made it to our other friend, we shall call her Noodles*, at her office. Noodles thought that it would be brilliant to bribe the receptionist to call security on us. She feigned knowledge of Noodles' existence and Chipmunk and I were borderline panicking. At the last minute Noodles appeared cackling. Receptionist gets 1 cool point for going along and not cracking a smile once.

After not getting snacks on the plane, Chipmunk and I ran across 6 lanes of traffic to get McDonald's. Icky man held open the door for Chipmunk and then offered to give her a ride to wherever she wanted to go. One can only imagine where icky people take Chipmunks.

We promptly packed up Noodles and went to an 80's music thingy clear across town. I was able to see how aggressive Noodles' driving has become as well as learn all about Chicago rush hour. We managed to miss the first two bands because of traffic. We did, however, get to see Joan Jett, REO Speedwagon, ZZ Top, and how much beer 60 bucks will get 3 grown women at a concert. Not much, surprisingly. It was the first utterance of the weekend motto "Oh fuck it, we're on vacation". Ended up leaving the concert a little early because amazingly, Chicago really is the windy city...the freezing, windy city.

Next day, the three of us decide to do some major damage at the mall. Decide to get lunch first to curb the "I feel so cute in this, I must buy it" factor. Ate at a hugenormous salad bar place called Sweet Tomatoes. We need one in Iowa. They're fabulous. I ate my own weight in pasta salad and kalamata olives. The remaining time at the mall was a blur of clothes, shoes, and pedicure. When we made it back to Noodles' place, her boyfriend had made us dinner and margaritas (I have thus accepted him into the family). Afterward was spent wandering around the Edison Park bars and meeting the natives. Most of them seem to be male. It was abnormal, but not necessarily in a bad way. Good time was had by all.

Next day, sleep till noon. "Sleep" being used loosely as neighbor has yappy dog with an early wakeup call. Get around and go to the beach. Noodles:tan. Chipmunk:tan. Em:Albino. I stuck out on the beach like a giant beacon of sparkly white light. Spent most of the day with my face covered taking a nap. I did remember to wear sunscreen...except I have funny little sunburn lines on my stomach and hips where the sunscreen didn't reach when I was applying it sitting up (stupid stupid stupid!). Lesson learned. Add it to my collection of utterly ridiculous tanlines. Noodles got scorched...all hail mighty sunscreen.

Postbeach, I felt like I was starting to get sick. Headache, sinuses, achy...unpleasant. We got all dolled up and made our way to Wrigleyville. Let the record show that we were running late for the train and ended up having to run to catch it...in 4 inch heels. I have the blisters to prove it (say it with me, stupid stupid stupid! but cute...). I felt like hell all night and had little motivation to buy 12 dollar drinks so we ended up calling it an earlyish night. Noodles and Chipmunk were mildly peeved but I think they're over it now.

Next day, sleep til noon. Had aspired to go to a cubs game but it started at 1 something and we were moving at a snails pace. Ended up going downtown and wandering around the Field Museum and Millenium Park (behold the shiny giant bean). Had a relaxing dinner and then realized that we were running late for the train. Again. This time we had to run about 2 blocks but I was smart enough to be wearing flip flops. Chipmunk made it back with about 5 minutes to pack and get to the airport before her flight left. I had a later flight so it wasn't nearly as bad.

My flight had about a half hour delay because apparently they decided to send the tarmac people home and there was no one to wheel us away from the walkway thinger 20 feet. It was chaos watching the little dudes in golf carts figure out who was sposed to be taking care of it. I wished I had a squirt gun so I could soak one of them until they just shut up and did it. Ended up getting in super late. Woke Chipmunk up where she was waiting at the airport and we made it home after a punchy drive.

Great trip, hardly any pictures to prove it, still tired, still have half my stuff in the suitcase, spent too much money, don't regret any of it.

*Chipmunk gets her name because on occasion she makes a goofy little chattery noise and acts hyper like said creature (I call her Chipmunk to her face, no worries). Noodles gets her name because at any point in time you will find her eating pasta. I think she ate spaghetti for breakfast at least twice while I was there, god bless her carb loving heart. I wonder what kind of name they would give me...if Sarcastic Bitch weren't so obvious...

Monday Scraps II

I've been kinda busy and stuff but I feel like I'm neglecting again...so here are some little niblets for your enjoyment.

-Contrary to some theories, the brain nibbling parasites have subsided and I'm getting more sleep. I still wake up around 4ish but at least I'm getting some sleep. Its a work in progress.

- I've been riding my roadbike alot. I find it ironical because my ex-husband would have given his right hand to get me to ride the damn thing more. I can hear him rolling his eyes when I call him to ask how to adjust my rear derailleur or recenter my pedal clips. Life is silly.

- I'm getting a vacation this week! A friend and I are going to Chicago to visit another friend. We were all pretty tight in high school and then lost touch and have kind of regained touch. It's amazing how much and how little people can change since high school. At any rate, we get to spend a few days in the Windy City (which I really like as far as breezy destinations go), hang out, see the museums, catch a cubs game (hopefully, pretty please) and just bum around in general. I'm really really really excited.

- I am getting ready, sorta, for the move. I have a couple weeks left and I'm making little baby steps toward getting packed. I've been throwing out all the miscellaneous crap that followed me from KC and I'm trying to thin out my closet a tad. In case you were unaware, I own more clothes than god. If god kept every single sweatshirt he ever had because ya never know when you'll need a super ratty but very comfortable crappy sweatshirt. It's a disease. I'm going to try and cure it within the next two weeks.

- Other than that, life is same. Still loving my new/old job. Still chillin' like a villian. Still plotting to take over the world, or at least the local coffee shop. I'll probably be back with pictures in tow following the Chicago Expedition 2007. Until then...

Holy Crap! I'm Tired!

The last four nights have been a royal pain in my ass. First night, I tossed and turned only half slept due to super weird dreams. The night after that, I just stayed awake pretty much all night, staring at the ceiling. The night before last I actually got about 5 hours and was thrilled beyond comprehension. But last night, I tossed and turned again, finally giving up at about 5.

Now, I'm not under any stress...I have been getting exercise to make myself tired...I stop drinking caffeine after noon...I'm not eating anything weird for dinner to keep me up. I don't know what the hell is going on but I'm tired of it. Pun intended. I'm getting to the point where I'm really punchy and a little wobbly and am getting absent minded. Not good. I feel like I'm back in classes already and its finals week...

Older

As some of you may have found out, yesterday was my birthday. I turned 26. I drank champagne all weekend and ate fabulous food and spent time with family and friends. I decided that I liked it so much, I'm continuing the festivities all week with the 4th and then the hoopla surrounding my brother's wedding this weekend. Now, I know that their wedding is their wedding but I'm going to convince myself that it's all part of my birthday. Because I rock.

Sleepy

Last night I slept like crap...I kept having weird dreams that ended with me waking myself up. Then, as I'm having a really really really good dream which I wouldn't mind spending a few hours in, my alarm goes off.

Go $%^#ing figure.

Those abstract things called "goals"

Okay okay, I've decided to grow up a tad. As most of you know, I've been drooling over getting a motorcycle for at least a month now. I've done some thinking and decided that I'm going to put it in my 5 year plan. I'm getting a new place in a month and things like a vacuum or uh, dinner plates sound like a more reasonable use for my money at this point. Now, before my mother starts giving me the "I told you so" look ala psychic connection, I would like to point out that it was not her doing. It was, in fact, the doing of my sister-in-law-to-be's couch. After spending the weekend at her place, I decided that I would have more fun meeting people and going to visit her and my brother and doing similar social activities than I would riding about by myself on a bike. At least for now. The day I can afford to do both will be a fun one. But until then, I'll vacuum my apartment and have a bottle of wine with friends and keep a picture of a tricked out bike on my fridge, just in case I get too grown up...

Busy as hell and loving every minute

Hello! Long time no see!

I know, I know...I've been a little MIA lately. I started a new job a week ago and since then have been a flurry of activity. Add to that my brother is getting married in a couple weeks and there is just no stopping. Let's discuss what you've missed out by my neglect...

At work, we threw our town's first Botox party! No, I didn't get anything done. Haven't you heard? I'm perfect...(yeah right). At any rate, it was a huge success and I had a blast. I love throwing parties, even if they're not really for me. Wine, little tiny finger sandwiches, good music, schmoozing...it's fantastic. AND I got paid for being there! Can't wait for the next one.

Along the lines with my new job, I absolutely LOVE being back. I previously worked for a corporately owned optical company and now I'm back working at an independent boutique. Already, my boss has given me my own design lines to head up and I'm already re-establishing my clientele. It's so good being back. Granted, I do miss the craziness of my old coworkers but I've been able to keep in touch with them and there's no hard feelings. I couldn't be happier with how things have turned out.

Last weekend I was able to hang out with my new sister-in-law-to-be. Beforehand, I've had this impression that she is very sweet, very proper, and very opposite of me. I was wrong. Without going into details, she's a riot to hang out with and I love her to teeny little bits. My brother picked a good one.

I'm still obsessed with motorcycles. Seeing as my new boss is a rockstar, I might be able to get one next month. I'll keep you posted.

My birthday is coming up! It falls in the midst of my brother's wedding extravaganza so I'm not expecting much but I'm hoping I'll be able to scrounge some girls together to do something. It seems like the last few years, my birthday hooplas have always fizzled out due to last minute conflicts and stuff. I could stand for some hoopla. I've always kinda wanted a big blowout with friends but it just doesn't happen. Oh well, if you can't be selfish on your birthday, when can you?

I move out soon! If anyone has any brilliant ideas on how to decorate 12 foot tall walls with a low budget, I'm open to ideas. There's a lot of empty space I'm going to need to fill...along with any other low budget decorating ideas for a supercute loft apartment. Did I mention I can't wait?

Other than that, I've just been filling my spare few minutes with checking my email and drinking heavily. Without the email part. Oh just kidding, any family members that may be reading this. I stick strictly to heroin:) ha.

Monday Scraps

Little bits and pieces...

1) This weekend I actually passed up on gorgeous new shoes because I feel compelled to save money for a motorcycle. SHOES. Gorgeous shoes. Amazing, isn't it?

2) I tried on the bridesmaid dress for my brother's wedding and it's actually really pretty. A pretty bridesmaids dress. Betcha didn't know they existed!

3) Today I start working for my old boss again. I'm looking forward to it. It will be nice getting out of the mall.

4) I might go to a baseball game this week...I adore baseball games. And hot dogs. With relish.

5) Regardless of all the good things, I still feel kinda blah. Go figure.

Bearer of bad news

I hate having to deliver bad news. Someone I care a lot about called me for a favor. They're out of town and away from a computer and asked if I would check and see if they got an email about whether or not they got into the art program they applied to. We both applied to the same program. I had to tell them that they didn't get it, they got their second choice. I hate giving this kind of news so much that right now I'm shaking uncontrollably. There's nothing I can do to comfort my friend. Right before hanging up and pursuing a drunken stupor they asked if I had gotten in. I can't lie to this person. I had to tell them I had. So easily our positions could have been reversed and I know how I would feel. I so wanted to be the bearer of good news. I really did. I wish they knew.

Just my average night on the town

“ I have a friend that would be just perfect for you.”

When spoken, these words are a bright red flag flapping in the breeze. Especially when spoken by some half-drunk guy at the bar. After the initial statement, it’s usually followed by a monologue of the outstanding characteristics of said friend. Last night’s specimen happened to be a bank manager who was well established with his own home and comfortable lifestyle. He was also in the john. Now if you could have seen BankMan’s representative, I’m sure that you would also be chomping at the bit to meet him. Representative was old…like 50ish. He was a closetalker. I kept having to remove his hand from my knee and put it back on the bar. But he sure could compliment a girl up a wall…I was so beautiful, what eyes, what hair, blah blah blah. Seriously. But oh, if he were 10 years younger (why just 10?) he would take real good care of me, take me on trips and I’d never have to work again (gee. And I’d only have a lifetime in hell with an idiot…sign me up!) When BankMan finally made it back from the john, I was ohsopleased to find out who my perfect match happened to be. He was probably in his mid-40s, the proud father of two kids (?!?!), and about 5’4 and balding. Be still my heart. After about 10 minutes of being cornered at the bar, I was saved by a knight in shining armor. Some guy I’ve never met before came up and told me that he’d found the friends we had been waiting for and “let’s go honey, they’re over here”. He said he could see from across the bar how uncomfortable I was…too bad the idiots in front of me were clueless. And even nicer, the Knight didn’t expect anything for saving me! He was just doing a chick a favor! Guys can be so nice sometimes…I’m glad I’m not like this.

* Let the record show that my friend Kadizzle will be severely punished for being late last night and leaving me to fend for myself, if even for a short while.

My father's daughter

Who rocked the crap out of her motorcycle class?

That's right, me.

My instructors said I was a natural and was the best in my class. I got to take the course final first and rocked it out like it was my birthday. I LOVED it. I always liked riding on the back before but to actually be in control was AWESOME. Leaning into turns, weaving in and out of cones, riding through hoops of flame...it was a blast. Okay, I lied about the hoops thing but in my dreams, I'm AMAZING at the hoops. AMAZING.

Consider the motorcycle bug officially caught. I want one so bad I can taste it. It's all I think about. I want to know all there is about them. I want to be able to overhaul the motor, make a custom set of handlebars, and design paintsets. I'm obsessed. It's also more than a little exciting because after years of being around my motorhead dad and brother, I finally understand. There's something really amazing about machines. It's a science and an adrenaline rush all at the same time. I can't put into words how geeked out about this I am right now.

Two things have become amazingly clear:
1) I don't really want to be put on the back again
2) I need to save up some money

Wheeeeeee!

Vroom Vroom

So I'm taking a motorcycle class. For two days, I've sat in the classroom and talked about safety equipment, different types of bikes, and the basics of riding. I'm the youngest in a class of 9 women. It's a BLAST. I would love to get a bike in the near future but I wanted to take this class to be sure I was well-informed. I come from a family of motorheads where it seems the general method of learning is to get on the damn thing and give it a go. I'm more of the practical type.

Tomorrow we get out of the classroom and get to hit the course. After years of being stuck on the back, I finally get to put my own feet on the pegs and go for a spin. I'm excited beyond all comprehension. I'll let you know how it goes...

Stay Tuned

Hi there.

I'm still around.

Sometimes, when I have too much time off, my brain kind of folds in on itself and I just spend a lot of time in my head. It takes a little time to come back.

Gimme a day or two.

And a cup of coffee.

You're a peach.

Random observations from a night of mindless TV watching

1) Target commercials are becoming creepier and creepier. The people are all clones...who buy the same thing in different colors...with big fakey smiles on their face. It's beginning to make me scared of Target. Oh shit, they might be watching.

2) Whoever writes the informative little snippets about each show for the in-satellite info windows needs to actually watch the shows they're writing about. It seems like each thing I watched tonight had NOTHING to do with what the little window said it would. Lying little bastard windows. Don't trust the windows.

3) Apparently, the Cialis commercials weren't enough. Now there's a male enhancement product that you don't need a prescription for. Apparently, the company thinks we need to be so informed that they televise it every 17 seconds. As a side note, it is a really crappy commercial, cinematically speaking. The lighting is all jacked and the 'seductive' actresses look exceptionally hookerish. And yes, I know that hookerish actresses has limited relevance to cinematics. If that's a word.

4) Pizza consumption goes up tenfold if you're not paying attention. I'm nearing foodcoma.

5) Sarah Jessica Parker continues to baffle me. I spend the whole time staring at the strange architecture of her face. Its confusing.

6) Contrary to what might be expected, the show "Unique Whips" has to do with cars. Quite the disappointment. I mean think about it...a show...dedicated to whips...and not just those boring run-of-the-mill ones...UNIQUE whips. Aren't you disappointed now too?

7) After watching television for a whole night uninterrupted, your eyes feel like they have sand in them. Lots of sand. And you feel dumber. Lots of dumber. I think tomorrow I'll find something better to do.

Not the day at work that I expected

Miraculously, my day at work went pretty well. My best friend is still just that and she seems to be understanding my position. She throws in little jabs about me never coming back to visit her but overall, I think we're in the clear.

Instead, today turned into an analysis of my history of relationships. My friend, M, and my coworker, L, chatted about how there seemed to be a lacking of good guys in this town. They asked me about those I had dated and I explained how the ones I meet tend to start out being Mr. Wonderful but after a month or two show their real side and they're typically not-so-spectacular. I also informed them that I'm not even bothering with dating at this point. I'm tired of being road-killed time and time again. M started shaking her head in disbelief. She couldn't reconcile the hardass icequeen I project with my soft nougaty center. Both L and M thought I should go out and start just walking all over guys because I'm young and attractive and can get away with it.

I am disheartened.

I don't want to just walk all over guys. I like guys. I've had some pretty great guys as friends. I don't want to be THAT girl who just annihilates them. I could, don't get me wrong...I just can't. There's something about the thought of it that makes me feel just empty inside. I mean, I've been on the losing side of those kinds of annihilations. If I were honest with myself, I'm still recovering from the last brutal one. In the meantime, is that what people/guys think I am? Do I give that impression? Is there any way to reconcile my hardass ice queen persona with my sensitive, fragile, couldn't-hurt-a-fly inner girly-girl?

Maybe I don't want to find myself afterall...it makes my head hurt.

Don't wanna go to work...

I'm dreading today. I have to work. But not only do I have to work, I have to work with my best friend.

I see you scratching your head. Let me explain.

Yesterday, I put in my notice. A couple weeks ago, an old boss offered me a job with a significant raise over what I'm making now. I had to give it some serious thought for many reasons. I've had a lot of fun working where I am now. My manager is and has been my best friend for a few years. We've been there for each other through some really rough times. I also really enjoy my coworkers. It's a quirky, tightknit group and it's great having a job I look forward to. The downside is, the money is not the greatest. Since I decided to move out, money has been at the front of my mind.

Now before you ask if I was choosing between money and a fun job, the answer is not really. When I worked for this previous boss, I also had a lot of fun there. It's the same type of job, optical sales, but the clientele is different and the environment isn't corporate. It's an independently owned shop and it's real artsy and fun. It was my home away from home for the years that I worked there.

And so...long story short, I'm switching jobs based on money and my best friend is upset with me. It sucks because I love her as much as I love my family but she has a hard time not taking this sort of thing personally. I expect today will be a cold one. Anyone have a scarf I can borrow?